Hi all, need a reality check because I am drowning and currently at my absolute wit’s end. I spent last night sobbing on the phone to NHS 111 mental health option.
My 81 year old mum had a severe arm fracture requiring major surgery in June. Since then, I’ve basically been her sole 24/7 carer. Running back and forth in heatwaves, managing GP triage forms, collecting prescriptions, dealing with severe post-op nausea, rapid response teams, and general recovery. I don't drive, so getting prescriptions or taking her to appointments involves hour-long walks or public transport nightmare journeys.
My brother (DB) lives 25 minutes away, has a car, but does the absolute bare minimum. He pops in occasionally for an hour for a lunch and a chat (I make the lunches), then leaves.
I have told my brother and his wife how extremely isolated and depressed I am feeling, and he just gazed blankly at me and then left as soon as he had finished his lunch.
The straw that broke the camel's back: I just found out DB and his new wife have gone off on a week's holiday to the coast. Mum has been begging to go to the seaside for years - a simple 45-minute drive for DB, which is virtually impossible for me on public transport with an elderly, recovering woman, given the heatwave train cancellations and her discomfort
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When I brought it up in the family group chat, SIL piped up to say it’s a family holiday paid for by her parents, and that it’s "not a holiday where we bring outside people."
OUTSIDE PEOPLE! My mum - DB's own mother who is currently in crisis - referred to as an "outside person."
I asked if DB could at least take Mum for a day trip to the coast or somewhere local when he’s back, since he drives and it’s a 30-min drive vs a nearly 2-hour journey for me on public transport. I’ve just been met with total silence.
I am exhausted, isolated, and doing literally everything while he swan-dives out of all responsibility and his wife treats my mum like a distant acquaintance.
AIBU to expect him to step up, drive her to appointments, and take on actual caring duties instead of treating this like all my job?!