AIBU to hesitate over helping my nine-year-old remove her leg hair?

[AnxiousPixie]

Hoping to lean into the collective hive mind please!

My daughter has very dark hair, it is very visible on her arms and legs. Aged 9. Not so much that I think there is any medical issues, but enough for others to notice.

I don't want her to feel like she has to modify her body in any way to fit in. I've always had light hair so it's not something I've ever had to deal with. Although I do shave my legs and she knows that.

Others, at school, have started to point it out to her. Not massive bullying but 'urgh, look how hairy your legs are!' kind of comments.

She finds it hard enough to make friends as it is. She doesn't like to wear tights or trousers.

She has already asked me to help her shave it off as she doesn't like the comments at school. She's even asked a TA about it who apparently said 'your mum should really help you do something about that.' (I have spoken to school but am also taking it with a pinch of salt as she may well be exaggerating to try and convince me!) I've moved all the razors out of reach so she can't hurt herself.

So, here's my dilemma....

YANBU - I should support my daughter to be herself, not start modifying her appearance at such a young age and support her to stand up to the criticism.

YANBU - school is hard enough for kids, if she is asking for help to get rid of the hair, help her.

I have asked a number of friends and got both sides so I thought I'd ask the hive mind!

I was your in daughter's situation and I was bullied mercilessly about this. Called a man. Called a freak.
My mum felt I shouldn't need to fit in and wouldn't let me/help me shave til I was 12.
School didn't do anything about the bullies.
Once I did it, the other kids (90% girls btw, the boys didn't seem to care either way at my school anyway) stopped with the awful bullying.
It was probably also a bit different for me as I am mixed race so got bullied for that also.
But I am for it! Life's hard enough anyway and one less thing for others to be nasty about gets my vote. Should we have to conform? No. But that's the world we live in.

i would not want to encourage shaving at this young age age

at least wax or find a solution that lasts more than a couple of days

Tricky, a bit of both i think. I wasn't much older when I started borrowing my dad's razor and later bought the most amazing fold up travel one from the body shop in the mid 90's. I did not have dark hair at all but my peers were all talking about how leg hair glowed in the sun and they didn't like that. This must have been around 10. Now as an adult I only really bother when they will be out on display! You may also find the same kids that are commenting now will also point out and make it a thing that she is now shaving them, so that might not be the end of dealing with others' opinions! Have a long talk about the hasle and it likely showing up as darker once you start too. It won't be long before they are all at it!

Confusing voting with both options the same

I swore I would help my daughter with whatever she chose as I was bullied as a ten year old for leg hair. I ended up using my mums razor and cutting myself badly. Its tough at that age and it's getting earlier each generation.

Just let her remove it.

Your typo makes the voting confusing.

i would help my DD shave (or another method of hair removal) in these circumstances.

Forgot to add. Im prepped with an initial shave or cream removal and then she can maintain with silky mitts.

Dd is 11and not too bad atm and hasnt had comments but she hates her pubic hair showing at the side so we trim that.

Thanks for sharing your experience that's really helpful for me to hear, thank you.

Get her a lady shave, quick and easy to use, no risk of her cutting herself.

Apologies for the typo! Thanks for your thoughts!

Thanks, apologies for the typo!

I had hairy legs at school - on my thighs too - just razor it or perhaps laser - not sure if there are restrictions on age for that.
I could have been good at sport but in those days only PE teachers wore tracksuits so I avoided sport like the plague. And swimming was another horror.

edit - Children get their sticky out ears surgeried back and of course teeth are straightened etc

Agreed! I've never used an epilator, I'm worried it'll hurt her. Maybe i'll get one and do it on myself first.

I was about your adds age when my mum shaved my legs. When she’s older she can decide whether or not to continue. For now, shave

Honestly I would help her remove it. I was horrendously bullied at school to the point I used an old razer I found and cut myself quite badly. Tbf I hadn't asked my mum at this point so it wasn't her fault, I was just too embarrassed. After this incident my mum went out and bought Nair and used to help me with legs and underarms until she trusted me to do it alone with a razor.

I would say to her that she doesn’t have to conform to these beauty standards but if she still wants to I would help her to remove the hair in any way you think is appropriate and that your DD can easily do going forward.

My own 13 year old DD has quite a lot of leg hair (not really dark though but noticeable). She wanted to shave it at 10 and I helped her. She sees it as a bit of a faff now and only shaved occasionally like before going on holiday pt going swimming. But no one in her school seems to care much or say anything.

I don’t think children should have to at 9 but if it helps her to feel more comfortable, it’s surely a good thing imo. Teach her to do it well eg with a good razor with shaving foam/ conditioner on legs or with hair removal cream etc… is better than her potentially hacking away at her own legs!

Your daughter has asked for your help with something that is bothering her. It's not harmful to remove leg hair. Why wouldn't you help her? I really dint understand why this is such a dilemma?

I totally agree and find it sad that a 9 year old
should need to worry. The world is shitty!

BUT having said that I would support her to remove the hair, make it clear there is nothing wrong with it and she should only do it if she wants to. I remember starting to borrow my mums razor to shave my legs without asking anyway.

Absolutely help her.

Thanks everyone, really appreciate the help!

I don’t understand why it’s a dilemma either. My dc were deciding on their own hairstyles at that age and when my dd spoke to me about shaving her legs, I talked her through all,of the options and got her all of the equipment.

The TA will have said what she said because it is so suggest she needs to talk to her own grown up about. Not because she thinks she needs to remove it. If a child comes to me and says ‘I want to have a blue bedroom’ I might say ‘that’s something that you need to get mummy to help you with’. It doesn’t mean I think her current bedroom is unacceptable to my eyes.

The daughter of a friend of mine had this at primary school, she also had a full bush, so they bought her a trimmer for the bush and learned to wax for the legs.

Another vote for help her. I was also bullied at school for my leg hair and my mum refused for years - it really hurt. I always swore that as soon as my DD mentioned it I’ll help her. She’s also 9, and quite hairy, but hasn’t said anything yet.

My daughter had the same, like you kind wasn’t but I felt she should make the decision. It’s not permanent.

we tried the sanding type things but that did take sooooo long with her hair, eventually an electric razor. As she’s got older we tried waxing which she coped with amazingly, eventually an electric one her arms. She’s now mixing wet razor and waxing. She’s very relaxed about something that could have been made into a big thing.

Buy her an electric razor and let her do it herself.

I agree that no one should have to conform but I would have helped my now 18 year old daughter at 9 with the same problem.
In fact I would have helped all 3 of my kids financially if they had needed nose, ear, teeth jobs too.
Life is hard enough without putting up with a worry that is easily rectified.
Perhaps buy a simple battery shaver until she is old enough for professional waxing.