DH hates young children in our house

[mugsandcups34]

My DH hates children - his own siblings have children but he never invites them to our house - my sisters have young children as do alot of my friends i try to only ever invite them to our house when he isn't here but next week he was supposed to be away but he isnt now and i have invited friends and family over. He isnt happy as he says i should see them away from the home but it is my house too and i should be able invite who i want over surely?

Tbf, there are a lot of parents now who kind of sit there gormlessly while their children run riot and damage things.

Who are these children and adults that you spend time with? They sound very low grade and appear to have incontinence issues.

I know what he means. Although slightly unreasonable now his arrangements have changed. He should just put up with it now.

Your own children know the boundaries you have set. When my children’s friend visited, the very first visit a child kicked a football and smashed my clock. One climbed on the balustrade and broke it. They played hide and seek and went in every room. If felt horrible and I couldn’t wait for them to leave. I did grin and bear it though for the sake of the children having play dates.

What kind of strict loser dad will he be?

What did your friend do about this? In all my years of hosting friends and family with young children, I've never experienced anything like this.

I know! It's shocking, they sound feral.

He already has kids with OP. He moved out and only returned when they had grown up. OP still describes him as a 'great dad'. I have no idea why as he sounds utterly dreadful.

One who left the family home when he fathered children because he couldn't stand it.

It seems so paradoxical. If he has such a low tolerance for people and children that he can't deal with anyone in his living space, it is hard to understand why he got married (presuming you lived togethe) and then he even choice to actually have children.

Equally hard to grasp is why you seem to take issue now, because his changed plans he wants you to stop your friends from visiting, but yet you appear to be so accepting of the fact that he went absent, for what must have been years, to avoid his own children you call him a 'great dad'. Plus to a lesser extent, you seem to have accepted it's normal you plan your social calendar entirely around his whereabouts.

It's all so odd, it just doesnt compute.

He sounds like a fun guy 🥳

My Aunt had a DH like that. It’s the reason she opted not to have children as she seen how he was around them.

He's going to be a delight if any grandchildren come along.

Really not seeing the appeal boggling that you agreed to marry him. Why?! Rather be on my own.

Is this sarcasm?

I think it’s unfair and teaching a child that their things aren’t to be kept safe or respected if someone else wants to mess with them and that keeping a good relationship means having boundaries trampled and their possessions don’t matter if it keeps others happy.

Imagine if you were told your car, furniture or jewellery weren’t valuable enough to keep other people from touching and messing with them if they felt like it. Would you think the same?
I know some people don’t care about their things but this child does and I was the same as a kid.

I didn’t like anyone going through my stuff and wrecking it when I kept everything in perfect condition as it might not have been possible for my parents to replace it.

I think there is a difference to being overly materialistic to taking pride over looking after your belongings and keeping them safe and cared for and not wanting people to touch them and risk ruining them.

Not my point.

I strongly suspect that he will have nothing to do with grandchildren.

He’s changed his plans so he has to either suck it up or HE goes out for the day.

Somehow or other in your relationship he seems to have assumed the role of your boss. It’s not a healthy dynamic OP and becomes increasingly wearing over time. He doesn’t get to have his own way just because he believes it’s his due.

Just tell him that he has to go out because he’s the one who altered his plans and it’s your home too. He’s lucky enough to have his own way most of the time as he gets a child free environment but on this occasion you are going to be able to enjoy your home and relax in it with your family/friends.

I don’t like having children over either (which is why I don’t invite them now that there’s no need) but I’m curious what’s your children’s relationship with him nowadays? He sounds massively absent.

The insane thing is the fact you have children with a man who hates children.

But say your (maybe hypothetical) partner invited some round when you had planned to be out would you ban them?

No, of course not, I just mentioned that I don’t invite any kids myself. I was commenting mostly because I’m curious about the adult children.

What happens if you have grandchildren OP? I’ll bet your DC won’t think he’s a good dad then.

Erm, so he is possibly OCD? [And/or ND].

I’d insist he gets some help for that because when your illnesses impact other people (you) is it unreasonable to expect others to have to bend around them.

next week he was supposed to be away but he isnt now and i have invited friends and family over. He isnt happy as he says i should see them away from the home

He can fuck off out the way then, can’t he?

Another deeply unpleasant difficult man. There are really good ones out there who are decent fathers when being a father matters not when the children are adults.

They are not even unicorns I have come across plenty of them.