DH hates young children in our house

[mugsandcups34]

My DH hates children - his own siblings have children but he never invites them to our house - my sisters have young children as do alot of my friends i try to only ever invite them to our house when he isn't here but next week he was supposed to be away but he isnt now and i have invited friends and family over. He isnt happy as he says i should see them away from the home but it is my house too and i should be able invite who i want over surely?

Weird.

Do you realise you have married a dickhead?

Is he particularly rigid or socially phobic or unable to deal with noise and unexpected things? Or did he have a very traumatic childhood himself? Whatever reason, I think it's time for you to put a bit of kind clarity on the situation.

DH, you have an extraordinarily and unusually low tolerance for people and visitors especially children. I'm not saying you have to open your house all the time to everyone, but we live together; usually we don't have these folks round but living together means we must sometimes compromise. I am having x y and z round next week on 2 of the days. How can you make accommodations so that you can tolerate this? For example you could stay in a bedroom or office, or go out for a walk, or hang out in a coffee shop, or in an extreme case rent a "day use" hotel room if you need privacy and quiet. But the solution is going to be about you putting in place what you require to manage a difficult situation for you - it isn't going to be me changing my plans.

It is the fact that they may break or touch something. He is very very house proud. He isnt very social and will just about tolerate other adults in our house but not children.

Does he have good qualities as well?

Open your eyes to the massive red flags. Children now, friends soon, then family. I’m deadly serious about this. I have seen this before and it is the early stage of darker times.

How incredibly controlling. These people are his family and your close family and friends. Sounds like he’s trying to isolate you and control what you do. Don’t let it go now otherwise it will signal he gets his way if he causes a fuss and you feel you have to bend to meet his demands….its the thin end of the wedge

He's not being 100% unreasonable, I'm not a fan of children but at the same time its your house aswell and there should be a compromise. Surely he can go out to escape the chaos and you get to make sure the house looks like it did before he left.

Hmm. So his lack of tolerance towards adults will push away your social circle bit by bit. Unless you are an introvert too, run.

Goodness, can you live with this? Does he freak out if you break something or leave something out of what he deems to be its proper place?

He sounds like a complete dick.
Is he controlling in other ways, as this is such a red flag. How long have you been married and has he always been like this?

Indeed

So you knew this we when you married him?

As long as it doesnt involve chidren yes. He really badly struggled when our 2nd child was born and with only 18 months difference he avouied the home for several years because of noise mess and chaos. A great husband and now our kids are young adults a great dad but he was mostly absent when they were little.

Ignore my post, I didn't realise your children were already grown 🫣 I'll try and remove my post.

He sounds very difficult 😕

Wow! What a prince.

His plans changed - therefore he can go out for the day. It's unreasonable of him to expect you to change your plans just because his plans have changed.

I am confused how this person is a great husband and great Dad when they left all the child-rearing to you..? Or did they start being a parent once they hit a certain age? (Which age)?

Slightly missing the point here but did you just assume they had children or have I missed something? I assumed they must be childfree until OP confirmed.

OP he’s being unreasonable and should make himself scarce if he can’t be around your family. But I couldn’t live like this walking on eggshells and being restricted on visitors. Would possible future grandchildren be allowed to visit? Your DH sounds extreme I actually think he should speak to someone about this.

This.

He's being controlling.

You made arrangements to respect how he feels but he changed his plans. That's his problem not yours.

He needs to get over himself.

He avoided his own children when they were toddlers?!

Why isn't he under the patio?

There's a whole other story her about his behaviour and issues.

It's not about a dislike of young children.

I realised my mistake, said as much and asked for my comment to be removed 🫣.

I assumed from your OP that your children were very young and you could possibly train/educate him out of this mindset so I’m surprised to hear they’re older.