DH hates young children in our house

[mugsandcups34]

My DH hates children - his own siblings have children but he never invites them to our house - my sisters have young children as do alot of my friends i try to only ever invite them to our house when he isn't here but next week he was supposed to be away but he isnt now and i have invited friends and family over. He isnt happy as he says i should see them away from the home but it is my house too and i should be able invite who i want over surely?

He avoided the home for several years when his own children were little? Do you mean he moved out? Or do you mean he was out of the house for c.18 hours a day for years, leaving you to do everything? Either way, why did he have children, and why did you put up with this?

Tell him to go out

How many years did he avoid his own children and what kind of relationship does he have with them now? (Sorry, but he sounds awful.)

Anyway, for your current conundrum, he's being unreasonable. He's the one who changed plans, so he can either deal with the children in the house or make plans to be away during their visit. (I'd prefer he make himself scarce, because he doesn't sound like much fun to be around.)

He is not a great dad.

You should have divorced him years ago.

Mine isn’t either but it’s my house too so when I know people are coming over I make sure he makes himself disappear. I don’t need that negativity.

What a misery guts. Ignore him OP and have a lovely time with your friends and family next week.

Ah ok, thought my tired brain had missed a reply - long day!

I am on his team. I don't like little kids in my house either. Young kids are loud, messy, tear up stuff, spill stuff, scream, poop, pee everywhere, throw fits and their parents let them run wild and act like they don't see their kid destroying things in other people's homes. Then if you tell the kid to sit down and stop acting the fool the parents want to catch an attitude. "I let Susie and Johnny do that at home!" Good then take them back there because HERE kids sit down and shut up and do what they are told.

ANd if their kid breaks or damages something valuable, the parents act like you should just take it on the chin and not be responsible. Ha! No, you are paying me the $200 it costs to replace that item. If you don't want to pay up, then keep your untrained heathens at home!

Even if it is your home too, you still have to respect the very real fact that young kids are not for everyone. No one is telling you that you can't see them - just go to the park or to a restaurant or go visit them at THEIR house in their natural wild child habitat.

Can you decide to have two rooms of the house each? His rooms have doors that can be shut and where he can congregate his precious items. Your rooms are child friendly.
Or can you negotiate one week of every month where you can have young guests?

It is fair that you have guests but equally fair that DH has warning to put his treasures away.

How unnerving for you to work and plan around your husbands likes and dislikes.
Of course it’s your home as well, as soon as you begin to think otherwise, he has total and absolute control.
Tell him your plans and suggest he pushes off to give you space and time, perhaps do more than suggest, as suspect if he’s there you won’t enjoy your visitors.

Christ you need to raise your bar for friends. You seriously have friends/family that let their children pee and “poop” everywhere (assuming not wearing a nappy)?

Indeed! I'm reading this open mouthed!
Say what?!

To be frank I don't blame him. I have children myself and we have raised them to be respectful they wouldn't climb over peoples chairs or pick things up etc. but not all children are raised that way some are given free reign at home so do the same elsewhere.

I was of the mind any child was welcome to come to our house until things of value to us became broken and a child managed to rub slime into our carpet. After that the choices were have them inside with their families and spend the whole time watching their every lmlve and not enjoying my friends or ban kids.

I banned kids fairest way and problem solved.

I would say that you don’t like adult children in the house and get him to fuck.

Jesus, you need better friends.

I’ve never experienced anything close to this with any of the children that have been in my house over the years. Their parents are more than capable of controlling them and teaching them how to behave.

Does he have OCD? Or something else diagnosed, both you and him know this isn't normal.

Well he sounds a real barrel of laughs
🤨

This is very odd. Why did he decide to have children himself? It isn’t compulsory

How's he going to be if grandchildren come along? This is a real worry. He's not a great dad if he left the childrearing to you and will opt out of his grandkids life on future. He should have stayed single but that probably would have been inconvenient for him when he found a woman who would expect absolutely zero from him.

How did he “avoid the home” for several years when the kids were young?

Did he live somewhere else?

So this man has his own children, and you allowed him to basically not be present for child rearing in the early years. And now you’re allowing him to tell you who can come into your house?
Why is your bar so low OP? What joy or positivity does he bring to your life? He sounds like a prick, possibly with some neurodiversity thrown in.

It’s fine to find children irritating but to actually hate them, awful. I have dropped 2 women I had become friends with in the earlier stages of friendship because of their actual hatred of children.

It seems like a control issue and the chaos and things being out of order as to why he doesn’t like them as children are unpredictable.

How dreadful he was to his own kids. I just couldn’t love a man like that.

What a miserable twat.

I would stop dancing around his neuroses and tell him he has to grow up and face the fact that he can’t exclude whole swaths of his family because of his own prejudice. He’s been indulged for far too long.

Why do women put up with shit like this from their partners?

Hmm I can see his point to an extent. I hate playdates and rarely had them at home, we always arranged to meet at soft play or parks. It's ok now the kids are older, but when younger I felt a lot of supervision was needed and it was hard to seem relaxed with friends while also watching their children turn out every toy we had to discard it within seconds.
I do think sometimes family can be worse - my niece is a good example of a kid that would get everything out while my brother would be quickly trying to put it all away again and stop her. And I won't forget the one time my in laws brought the nieces and nephew on their side. I think within 5 mins they had broken a glass and split juice everywhere as well as breaking a toy. They were quickly herded outside.

I think it's great if you have space and can have a play room - one of my friends did and she told us whatever the kids did in that room was fine. Is that an option?

Also if really does depend on the kids ages and what they are doing.

It does seem strange though that you have children and he wasn't involved in their childhood because of this though.

If you have grown kids, what happens when they have kids? And what kind of parenting patterns have you both modelled for them?