DH hates young children in our house

[mugsandcups34]

My DH hates children - his own siblings have children but he never invites them to our house - my sisters have young children as do alot of my friends i try to only ever invite them to our house when he isn't here but next week he was supposed to be away but he isnt now and i have invited friends and family over. He isnt happy as he says i should see them away from the home but it is my house too and i should be able invite who i want over surely?

Also, have the family round as planned, he can remove himself as he’s so used to that.

You cannot change someone else's behaviour, unless they want to change. He doesn't. Your only option is to change your behaviour. As he has no respect for your wants and seeks to CONTROL your behaviour then you either go along with it or, your best option, initiate divorce proceedings.
Just out of interest why did you marry this unpleasant man?

I agree with that. I raised my child to be respectful of his house and other people’s houses. But children whose parents allowed them to misbehave badly, mistreat my dogs and break things… nope, I love children, my house was always full of them when DS was young, but I am not a martyr.

Having said that, I still believe that as your DH changed his plans, he is the one who needs to find a place timo to disappear to if he finds it too much to have children around.

He’s not unreasonable to be concerned about young children breaking things and causing a mess. I don’t like taking my children to nice childfree houses as I worry they could do something. He is unreasonable about not compromising regarding family and your wishes.

You seem to have forgiven him from being absent when your own children were younger. I think many wouldn’t have tolerated that.

He avoided his own home and his own children until they were adults? WTAF! How on earth can you describe him as a great husband and a great dad? Did he move out and leave you to parent your children all on your own? I can't believe that you just accepted that and allowed him to return once the kids reached adulthood.

So why did you choose to have children with him, rather than just about anyone else?

Introverted people like socialising too! No-one should tolerate this behaviour!

You married an arsehole so you surely can’t be surprised that many years later, he is still being an arsehole.

I don't think a great parent does parenting only on their own terms and only when it's easy. Or misses out the first umpteen years of it, come to that.

In fact, every time I've heard someone on here call their partner a "great dad", he's always been an absolute prick.

Omg I thought you would have said you had no children 😳 but the have kids and behave like him is just outrageous.
I don't particularly like children, especially precocious,rude and badly behaved ones! But then I have no kids of my own through choice. Maybe because I had an incredibly strict up bringing where children were seen and not heard.

Your husband is utterly ridiculous, controlling and strange.

I know right, but he’s a great husband and father apparently? The mind boggles.

He left you to manage your shared children by yourself for many years and you call him a great husband.
Read your post back…

How can you even love this man who disappeared from family life for years.

Genuinely OP. Do you actually like him or do you just put up with him because you are married?

I would be telling him it’s tough and you’re not going to be stopped inviting whoever you want over.

He managed to make himself scarce when the kids were growing so he can do the same now when you have visitors.

Ugh. Make him a pack up, give him some bus fare and send him out for the day
Then have a large glass of wine with your guests, belly dance, belly laugh, fill your bellies with treats and enjoy your day/s

If he's happy to fuck off out of his house for umpteen years to avoid his kids then he can fuck off out of it while you have visitors. Personally I think you'd be better off if he fucked off permanently.

I'm wondering if he's got certain tendancies so avoids children for that reason, although why you'd marry someone and have children with them if that's the case is beyond me.

Why did you have several children with him? What on earth did you do if your children wanted friends around? What will you do if you have grandchildren? He must have some redeeming qualities but I don't understand why women like you put up with this nonsense.

I wouldn't be planning my social life around whether my dh was home or not. In this case he has two options, he can go out for the day and avoid the guests or he stays and interacts. I would not tolerate rudeness or abruptness towards my guests.

I have a child who is particularly precious about her things, when we have young children over she is reminded to put them out of reach. I also remind her that whilst there is no issues with wanting to keep your things nice they are only objects and should not hold more value than relationships with people.

Does he have OCD?

He has not been a great husband and a great dad. He still isn't.
I've no idea why you've settled for a life with a man who couldn't be in the same house as his own young children, however - you did.
You can either continue to live a life putting up with this or leave. I doubt that he'll change.

That's great advice for a child.

This is so fucked up. I was assuming you didn’t have kids. But apparently he also hated his own kids when they were little. So sad.

I’ve banned kids from my house too for similar reasons.

My friend brought her young son and daughter to my house which is completely unsuitable for kids.

Her daughter got into my make up and completely destroyed it and spilt eyeshadow into the pale grey carpet then trod in it so it rubbed it in further and spread it round.
She also was messing with my jewellery and lost/stole a ring that was my mum’s who had recently passed away and I never did get it back. It was years and years ago but still upsets me and I often wonder if my friend found the ring in her daughter’s possession but didn’t tell me so we are no longer close friends because of it.

Her son unpicked the stitching on our leather sofa and created a hole then denied it.
She refused to pay for any damage so I had to pay a fortune to replace my make up and have the carpet cleaned and sofa fixed.

My ex boyfriend used to bring his kids after I said I didn’t like it.
I have a lot of ornaments and things arranged how I like it and his kids used to pick up and move them around and make mess everywhere and he would just watch as they broke things and never did offer to clean up or replace things.

I feel there are too many people who don’t parent properly so don’t want to invite kids round now.
If people bring them with them then I go outside when they turn up and shut the door behind me and suggest we go somewhere else to keep their kids entertained.

Most people in my life are aware how I feel and I find it very rude to turn up with uninvited kids and it’s not fair on them.
Also how are you supposed to spend time together and have uninterrupted conversation? It doesn’t seem possible?!

I was thinking the same. Imagine a man just bailing on his wife and two small children. Then she takes him back.

I seriously thought you didn’t have children bloomin eck this makes it worse. What a weird man and having his own children too! Were you both excluded from visiting homes with your children?