Is it crazy to make my age limit for having children 30 ?

[Chachaslide1]

I’m currently 25 and have a 4 year old. When I say to people if I don’t have any more kids by 30 then I’m done. I always get looked at like I’m mad or being hasty with my age limit.

Is this super unusual ? To me it makes sense as mid 30 to 40s I will have more freedom to discover myself with older children

I'd say it totally makes sense in your position - you have a partner and a child already. Your life trajectory can be based around having child/children relatively early in life and be done with that phase, going to the next stage in your thirties/forties, not back to square one.

It is a valid position, actually I think I'd be even stricter in your shoes.

I think it has to do with the type of childhood you hope to give your children. We needed to complete all our degrees/qualifications and be home owners in order to comfortably afford own bedrooms, latest gadgets, family holidays, meals out, music tuition and so on. This is the type of life we wanted to give our children. If we’d had our 3 before completing our studies and buying a home it would have made things too stressful. We married at 27/28, had our first at 30 and last at 37. By some people’s standards we were still young, by other’s we were old! But by most, I would say, it’s a nice childhood.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable.

but this is an alien concept to a lot of people as being a young mum in the West isn’t cool anymore.

I had my baby young, would never regret it, I’m turning 35 soon and that is my cut off age for having children. Mainly because I think I’ve done my share of parenting. I had my second in my 30s and felt that was “normal” by societies definition (in the West) but I defo see downsides and bonuses to having children younger and much older. I’ve enjoyed it both times but I changed so much it’s almost like being 2 different people.

I find most people are having their first over 35 these days. I was always the youngest mum by far on the school run. So if I told people my cut off is 35, they’ve probably be slightly offended. I also speak to friends who become conscious of their biological clock when they haven’t had children later, yet want to, and for me I have never cared about that. Infact it sounds weird but I kind of want to close my womb at 35. Again personal choice.

But I’m looking forward to being abit like my mum when older. She had us young. Worked and built a community. Now in her 60s her life is fab and free (and has been since she’s been around 40).

I had my first at 22. Last at 30. I'm now 42 and getting a social life, going on holiday etc. Some of my friends are just having their first now but they'd done all of that before kids. Everyone is different and no way is perfect for everyone

I'm not saying whether I think you're reasonable or unreasonable. It's totally up to you. Having children in your 30s is pretty common these days but if you don't feel comfortable doing that then that's your choice. A lot of women don't meet someone who wants to start a family until they're late 20s / early 30s so becoming a parent over 30 is fine for them.
I'd just do what feels right for you.

If you start having kids in your 20s, you’lll feel more knackered and done in by your 30s because you’ve spent the time raising children. My best friend (same age) had hers at 26 and 28, I was 35 and 37. She was wayyy past the baby and toddler stage when mine were little and was horrified that I was so old and ancient with babies 😅 I’m only a bit envious now that hers are well into secondary school.

Your choice, we all have our own ideas about how we want to navigate life. For me I didn't want to start thinking about children until age 30!

I had mine in my 20’s. By my mid 40’s I was pretty much free of child rearing bar money, university drop offs and picking up the pieces from their relationships and other mishaps. By 50 they had left home and settled (also bar picking up pieces still!)

it does pay off!

I was the same. I didn’t tell anyone though as I didn’t feel it was any business of theirs.
But I knew I didn’t want to have anymore children after 30. Mainly so I would have the energy to spend with them; but then life threw me a curveball, I had my last child at 30 and promptly become very unwell.
Do whatever feels right for you.

30 is now average age for having first child.
You’re ahead of the game

My limit was 25. Thankfully I was done at 21.

I would have said the same as you. Had my first two when I was 25 and 27.

I then became widowed at 30, remarried at 36 and had dc3 at 37.

You never know what life has in store for you, so it's probably best not to publicise your plans to everyone, lest you end up backpedalling. Just go with the flow a bit, you know?

I am 33 and pregnant with my first. I don’t want kids after 35. I don’t think it is unreasonable given you already have a child. I have plenty of friends who had their first in their early/mid 20s and just don’t want to do it again in their 30s

This is a very outdated approach in general terms. Many women don't even have their first baby until they are in their 30s. However, you are right to do what suits you as a family as this is the whole point. Good luck whatsoever you decide x

Its just you aren't joining in with your own discussion, which is what the op usually does

Each to their own. I had all of mine in my 30's.

You've got a 4yo, so your experience and situation is different than mine at your age where I had no child & no DH to have them with.

My limit was 40. Someone without a kid at 40 might find that crazy - I have a friend who's had her first at 48.

You do you, I'll do me and hopefully all of us make the right choice for our circumstances & give our kids lovely, stable lives.

Haven't read anything else but...had my 1st at 27 and my 2nd at 32. Im mid 40s now and love having the additional freedom whereas my career orientated friends are still in the throws of pre school and even newborn era. Im glad I done mine and although divorced, would not contemplate getting pregnant again now!!!

Its up to you but you really have no idea how you will feel in the future.

Same here, its a personal choice but especially think it makes sense when starting earlier. I had mine at 23, 25 and 29. Also had 30 limit and would've preferred to have 3rd slightly earlier.
I can see why someone who has lived a child free adult life from 18-34 etc is happy having them until early 40s though. I wouldnt want to be having one at eg 24 and then another at 38.

Op has potentially tried to start a bunfight on a subj3ct that jas been Donington death and usually becomes a bunfight and everyone's been reasonable

We're all different and thank goodness for that

OP you can set any boundaries you like, I think its fair to have that if thats what you want and your reasoning is sound, plus big age gaps may be harder. I did the opposite, didn't want kids till 35 as I knew I needed to bucket list some stuff first and I was having a great time with friends and my partner. I needed that out of my system.

I also set a rule of no more kids after 40 and I ended up only having one (which was kind of my plan but I do sometimes regret not trying for a second but other life stuff just got in the way) I'm 44 now. I'm happy in some ways to have had my child older as I'm relatively fit but obviously some stuff like hitting menopause when I have a teenager might be rough.

Just know that it's your life and your choice. You don't have to have kids to fit anyone else's expectations, and it's good to have a plan for the future.

You do you. I had many adventures before I had my kids in my 40s. I didn’t plan it, that’s the way my life panned out.

I didn't have time for adventures full stop - first at 26, last at 39!!! Sometimes life throws you curveballs; the journey isn't always linear.

well you had dc young so it makes sense for closeness in age for siblings and the age you get your freedom back. !

I had dd at 21 and DS at 37. I do not recommend.