Is it crazy to make my age limit for having children 30 ?

[Chachaslide1]

I’m currently 25 and have a 4 year old. When I say to people if I don’t have any more kids by 30 then I’m done. I always get looked at like I’m mad or being hasty with my age limit.

Is this super unusual ? To me it makes sense as mid 30 to 40s I will have more freedom to discover myself with older children

I think the fact you already have a 4 year old is more relevant. Any age is fine to have children if it works for you but most people probably want some time with older kids or kids free without entering the baby stage again 10 years later (of course some people that works for them too)

I think it’s completely up to you but I’m not sure why you’d impose an arbitrary hard limit on yourself. Just go with the flow.

Who are these people who look at you as if you're mad?. What business is it of theirs? Why would they think you're mad?

@Herenowatbroad super confused lol. But yh it is striving for better. @DarkLion didn’t have to go to uni and become a nurse but they did which is amazing with a young child.

I did the same. I completed uni with a young child, found my career and am now working hard. It’s not easy. If you’ve done similar you must be able to relate ?

To be fair, I’d probably wonder why someone was giving me unsolicited information about their child bearing intentions.

True.

I had mine at 29 and 33
I think it is better if you can to at least start having kids in your 20s/early 30s

You don’t have to decide anything now though, you might get to 30 and decide you aren’t done and that’s fine

So you’ve had a child, young, you are qualified, focussed on your career.

Why not just not make an arbitrary age limit. And just go with the flow.

And don’t mention it to your in-laws again.

Easy really. You made out in your OP that you were proffering this information to all and sundry

which makes me question whether you were asking exaggerating their reaction!

Over 55% of babies are born to mothers over 30 so people probably do think it’s odd you’d rule out having kids in your 30s, however it sounds like for you it’s not so much about your age but where your DD will be by then in terms of you being able to get your life back. Maybe instead of saying you wouldn’t have more once you’re 30 say once your DD is around 10 you won’t consider having more as you wouldn’t want such a big age gap.

However, I do also think it’s a bit crazy to be predicting how you feel in the future now, you might turn 35 and suddenly long for another even if you don’t think so now. When people ask if you’re having another you could just say you’re undecided rather than giving any specifics!

I didn't want kids until I was 35, never even thought about having any, I always thought they weren't something I would want. Met exh when I was 35 & had a very early miscarriage a month before we got married, we had been together 16 months, never used contraception & I figured I was infertile, had another one & my doctor did blood tests which showed I wasn't ovulating every month, we decided to start trying at Christmas & I got pregnant with ds in the May, ds was born 6 weeks before I turned 38.

@Herenowatbroad why are you so mad? I never said I was offering this information to all. When you have children already people I know usually ask about your plans etc. It’s a topic for discussion.

Even friends with kids or without.

I was the same OP, if you’re married and have already started having children I really don’t see why it would be seen as daft. There’s no perfect time to have a family but I do personally believe there are preferable age gaps and I personally didn’t want large age gaps between my children or to extend the amount of years I was actively parenting by doing it in 2 decades, so I was always going to have mine by 30 once I had started. So it’s less about the age itself, but the wider circumstance of where you are at that age.

Op you made out in your op that multiple people were looking at you like you were mad.

it transpires your in laws

No one else is remotely interested

I can understand you not wanting a nine year age gap, I could understand you being fine with a 10+ year age gap.

Only you can decide how you feel, and you won't really know until you're there.

You might conceive triplets tomorrow and be done at 26!

You may be happily 1 and done at 30, you may decide to give it another few tries, you might keep trying until you're 40. No one really nows until you're there.

They ask if you are planning a second

You say “well I would like one at some point, yes”

and….

@Herenowatbroad in laws and friends = multiple people

As soon as the first baby is born, there's ALWAYS people asking when you're having the next and the next one and giving opinions on if it's too soon or too late.
I had a critically ill baby in PICU the first time someone asked me when I was having another

@SleepingStandingUp exactly this! Once you’ve had one people will ask about the next one and the logistics of age gaps. Even the fairness of having one with a big age gap and more closer in age.

Op

For me not having big age gaps between mine was far more important than what age I had them. Also meeting the right person first, vital.

Your lo will have a younger sibling with a 5yr+ age gap, does that suit you?

Good job we're all different isn't it?

Almost like its a beautiful thing that every family unique and does whats right for them and their personal preferences...

Just have your second when you and your partner want (when would your partner like?) and presumably everyone who might ask has asked… so nothing more to worry about

And you just say… hoping for a second but not giving it much thought right now. Conversation over

Of course it’s not crazy-it’s your life! Personally, I was 36 before I began to want children at all, so it wouldn’t have worked for me!

I never gave it much though tbh, in my twenties I knew I absolutely didn’t want children yet, in my 30’s I had two, in my forties and fifties I was having a blast bringing them up. I’m 59 now and laugh at the thought I’m not enjoying my ‘freedom’ because I’m too old or something, ha ha!! I think as you approach any age you start to see it different to what you expected it to feel like. You don’t age into a different age group, you age with your peers, thats so different to what you expect.

I honestly felt the same had one child age 22 and 25 . And fell pregnant at 33 and was devastated because I thought I was too old to have any more kids . But wouldn’t change it for the world .

No. I had mine at 34 and he turned out to be an Energizer Bunny, so I'm now a very very tired 41 year old also looking after elderly parents.