Is it crazy to make my age limit for having children 30 ?

[Chachaslide1]

I’m currently 25 and have a 4 year old. When I say to people if I don’t have any more kids by 30 then I’m done. I always get looked at like I’m mad or being hasty with my age limit.

Is this super unusual ? To me it makes sense as mid 30 to 40s I will have more freedom to discover myself with older children

I think it's fine to have kids in your thirties, however given that you had your first when you were 21 I can see why you would want to be done so that you can move on with other phases of your life.

Not sure this has gone the way op hoped...

It was supposed to spark a discussion and I read every part.

so it did go the way I wanted. I have been enjoying reading people’s responses and experience.

Doesn’t seem to have occurred to the Op. which is why all these “people” are prob looking at her a little strangely

Interestingly, the Op doesn’t refer to what her partner, presumably the future father of this theoretical baby, thinks

Sounds logical if you already have one child and only want one or two more. People are probably raising an eyebrow because there's no need to announce your plans/in the normal run of things having one child already you will probably have another one before the age of 30.

As long as you don't judge those who have them when older than 30.

Actually that’s a good point.

I am a mother of mid teens. In my mid forties. I had my last aged 32. Not through any plan. Just how it worked out.

Therr is no “new version”. Instead, with every different stage of your child, you adapt. But it’s fairly child dependent. So with one child I had a very easy ride up until mid teens, and now… I am really having to intensely parent as there are boyfriend issues, confidence issues, puts incredible pressure on herself around exams etc.

Whereas the other required much more involved parenting when young… but now as a teen is an absolute breeze.

It sounds sensible to me. I had my 1st at 21 and last at 35. I wish I'd had the last in my 20s. It's been difficult! Rough labour, disabled child, balancing needs of teens and a little one. Adapting to the one I had in my 30s was much more difficult too, you'd think it would be the opposite but I think we are more adaptable when we're younger. I see it with my friends too, the ones who had children younger managed fine, the ones who had them older struggled with losing their freedom and feelings of losing their identity.

It is more common to have a child over 30 than under 25. 30 is definitely not old.

However I think you are totally reasonable not to want a 10 year gap between kids, you would be parenting forever

It’s not ‘crazy’ it’s just a decision and why do you care how people look at you 🤷‍♀️

You parent forever anyway.

Exactly!!

And parenting teens, young adults can be as intense as parenting toddlers.

I only had 1child by 30. If I had put that limit on I’d have missed out on my other two children. Yes it’s tiring, yes I am older and yes that’s a lot. But it’s worth it. For all of us ❤️ my children are now 16, almost 8 and 2. I’m almost 42.

Do not feel awkward to want children before 30 because it is more 'normal' than post 40...There is a reason why pregnant women over 35 are called 'geriatric mothers'. I do not want to offend anyone of course but there are so many risks after a 35 years old. I think you are sensible to want your kids young. My young sister did. Now she is 50 with a 23-year old daughter and she is loving it! Take care.

I was never called a geriatric mother and I’ve had two children over the age of 35. There was one box when I had my third at 39 which said advanced maternal age, which in no way affected my care or pregnancy and I was never referred to as an advanced age mother.

I am really sorry, I did not want to offend anyone and the term 'advanced age mother' is a lot more appropriate. Sorry again.

It’s more about life stages than age I think. You’re doing your ‘child’ life stage in your 20s and don’t want it to span over two decades, which is fair enough. You want to do your ‘adult enjoying life’ stage in your 30s and onwards.

For others, they’ve done that life stage in their 20s and their 30s will be their ‘child’ life stage.

Different people do things in a different order.

I think the main ‘difficulty’ here is that the age gap could end up so large that you are basically doing two separate ‘child’ stages.

And on the flip side, I had a wonderful time in my 20s. Travel, career, going through the various unsuitable boyfriends till I found DH, all that stuff. I didn’t want a child then as I had a lot of other stuff I wanted to use those years for, kids were not even on my radar until post-30, and that has worked for me. I had my kids at 33 and 36 and that has been perfect. So it’s entirely about your own priorities and life, but it’s not something I’ve ever discussed with anyone else.

You make the decisions that work for you, there’s no such thing as the right age because what you want from life and what I want from life will be different.

21 is very young to have a child. I also see 30 as being young. That’s really the lowest age most people I know who have a baby. It there’s be a big age gap if you do that, and that would bother me.

21 I had just graduated, got on a grad training program, moved to London and had an insanely wonderful 8 years - high earning, completely free of responsibility and I wouldn’t change it for the world

You already have one - and having another ten years younger would seriously affect your life and possibly make it harder for the first to cope - can you image puberty and teething in the same night !

Each to their own.

For me personally I had my first at 36yo and I think it’s made me a better parent, I was a very different person at 20yo and would not have been able to give my children the life I can now.

im from a very big family where most have children from mid teens to early 20s, same with others I grew up with. Many of my family and old friends were grandparents before I even had my first. While they spent their teens, twenties & thirties struggling raising children and missing out on being young I was travelling the world living a fun carefree life until I was ready to settle down. They are not as child free as they thought they would be at this age as they are now on grandparent duties as well as still trying to make ends meet. My taste in men drastically changed too, I hate to think how I would have screwed up my life if I’d had a child with my ex’s from those days.

You have a policy. You might change your mind :-). Either way, what’s the problem?