Is it crazy to make my age limit for having children 30 ?

[Chachaslide1]

I’m currently 25 and have a 4 year old. When I say to people if I don’t have any more kids by 30 then I’m done. I always get looked at like I’m mad or being hasty with my age limit.

Is this super unusual ? To me it makes sense as mid 30 to 40s I will have more freedom to discover myself with older children

I was always strict about 2 decades being max caring for children. I had mine at 30 & 32. That’s my 30s and 40s dedicated to raising kids. 50s+ are then my own as were my 20s.

So, in your case if you had a child at 30, you will be spending 30 years raising yours. 20s, 30s, 40s. Ouch!

I’d get a move on if you want a second, to close the gap - so within the next year if you can.

I was in a group of 11 first time mums in my antenatal classes when I had first DC. I was 32 years old and the youngest in the group, which was selected randomly. This was 12 years ago in London. But ultimately each to their own. I was far too immature and irresponsible in my twenties and could barely look after myself. I was too busy travelling and partying with friends to even think about having a baby.

I was done by 30 OP, had one at 27 and one at 29. I get it.

I had twins at 36 naturally conceived naturally born. Had no problems

I was similar to you OP, though my cut off was 34 because when you're 35 or over it's considered a "geriatric pregnancy" (now known as "advanced maternal age" apparently) and the risk of gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, preeclampsia, chromosomal abnormalities (like Down syndrome), miscarriage, stillbirth, preterm birth and delivery via c section is higher.

If you're saying 30 is your cut off to people who are 30+ and intend on having children, or if they're nearing 30 but haven't found the right person to start a family with yet, or if they are someone who had their kids after 30, they might feel offended by your statement.

It's fine for you to have a cut off age for yourself, but be sensitive about who you share this with!

No I was the same wanted it all done by 30.

We were the same, we stuck by having children in our 20s. 45 now and Have all the good parts, and no school run!

Tbf, you don't know the context of the conversation.

I actually said similar when I was younger - we had our first at 18 and our second at 20, It was not the plan to have a baby at 18 but we made it work and we have no regrets. I said to my husband that I’m not having anymore children past the age of 25 (because we started our family so young). I was about to start university at the time so all that was put on hold - but I knew I wanted to have a career eventually and not just be a mum. I wouldn’t have put 25 as my limit, had I had my first later and managed to gain the qualifications I wanted, but I also knew I didn’t want to just be raising small children for my whole adult life. Anyway, we stuck to it and we are nearly 38, been together 22 years and I think it was a sensible decision. I managed to go to university, have a career eventually and still enjoy being a mum.

I don’t think it’s that weird of an idea. We did have several misscarriages , unfortunately, after our 2nd so it wasn’t a number limit - it was a time frame limit for me and it didn’t happen for us again. I think my decision around this came from seeing my mother be pregnant her whole adult life and having no identity other than being a mum. She had 7 children started at 19 and had her last at 41 and I just didn’t want that for me.

Your body, your boundary. Some people haven't even started by 30 but that's them and their choice. This is yours. Doesn't make you crazy to have preferences. Also doesn't mean you can't/won't change your mind.

I said I wouldn't have any after 35, then changed my mind at 38. The baby was very wanted but the pregnancy was hard, even harder than I'd expected it to be tbh. So think stopping at 35 was probably a wise thing to have said 🤣

I always thought I would be done by 30, but I just didn’t want to have anymore until I got to about 29 and then went on to have two after 30. I’m a much better mum in my thirties, in my opinion

Having my four DC before 30 wouldn't have been possible as I had a career before they came along. I had mine aged 24, 27, 32 and 34. Nice ages looking back. I wasn't a teenager but not too old either. The sweet spot for fertility.

Why restrict yourself? Go with the flow

remain open minded in life

I had dc in my early thirties.
Im early forties now and studying something I never thought I’d get a chance at.
I’ve made lots of great friends through my dc and have a whole new social circle. I have way more confidence compared to pre dc.
So I think the notion of getting it over with so I can get my life back or achieve things independently of my kids or have my own identity doesn’t resonate with me.
I love that they are part of my identity. I have a much stronger sense of self since I had them and it hasn’t put my life on hold or stopped me from living, enjoying myself or prevented me from achieving my goals.

Do you what you want. No one else will care 🤷‍♀️

My husband had 2 children with his ex wife before he was 30 and always said no more after 30. We had our first together when he was 42 😅 (I am 30) you never know!

It’s totally up to you and having more freedom in your 40’s is a great reason. You’re not slating older mothers you’re just putting boundaries in your own life and good for you!

31 is the average age of a first time mother in the UK so yes, you thinking 30 is too old to have additional children when it’s earlier than the age most people have their first child does make you an outlier from thw norm.

However, why does this matter? As long as you and the baby’s father are happy with your decisions then they are fine. It’s an odd thing regarding which to set a “limit” for yourself and even more strange to be discussing that with people not involved in the decision.

I think it’s totally fine. You had your child young and it makes sense to you to do it this way. You’ll be free from child rearing by a certain age. I had mine later and had my 20’s free and that worked for me.

Honestly you don’t know how you’ll feel in the future but seems perfectly reasonable plan. I had children young but then met my DH in my 30s and absolutely wanted children with him. I had an idea that definitely wanted us to have our children before 40 and we did but then in my early 40s wanted another and our beautiful daughter was born when I was 44!! (Naturally conceived) It’s been wonderful being a mother again with the perspective that comes with having already fully brought up another set. My absolute red line would be doing fertility treatment after 42 as I wouldn’t want to push motherhood past the age boundaries of nature but can’t see anything wrong if it happens naturally. Also means still have something to look forward to in my 60s as first time in my adult life without the responsibility of children 😂

You feel how you feel, and it's not unreasonable. How do you know you won't feel different at 35 or 45?

It’s not really up to others, sounds fine.

I didn’t want to be having babies past 30.
I had DC1 at 28 and DC2 at 31. Would have been done at 30, but had a miscarriage in between.

I think it’s reasonable to have an idea of the age you would like to be done with pregnancy and birth, while being realistic about circumstances potentially getting in the way of that ideal, as they do for many people.

No return of op then?

Probably because you missed your 20s.
I definitely wouldn't want to spend my entire adult life caring for children. So either have them young or older but not both!