Is it crazy to make my age limit for having children 30 ?

[Chachaslide1]

I’m currently 25 and have a 4 year old. When I say to people if I don’t have any more kids by 30 then I’m done. I always get looked at like I’m mad or being hasty with my age limit.

Is this super unusual ? To me it makes sense as mid 30 to 40s I will have more freedom to discover myself with older children

Given you’ve already got a 4yo and presumably no fertility issues, it’s not unreasonable for you to plan to be done by 30. Depending on how your life goes you may or may not feel the same way when you reach that age - it’s not like it’s set in stone.

Obviously it’s equally as reasonable for other women to have different timeframes - I wasn’t even ready to begin thinking about kids till my mid 30s!

21 is super young to have a child these days, and to start again 10 years later would be quite unusual. However, you just never know where life is going to take you so its a bit pointless making statements like that. That's probably what they're thinking if they're looking at you a bit funny, like 'well lets see shall we...'

Who are you asking? Because people in their 20s telling people 30+ that you consider that age to be "over the hill" will get you strange looks 😅

Do whatever feels right to you. Everyone is different with different priorities at different stages of their lives.

Lots of people I know had their kids by 30. It’s fine to plan it that way if that’s what you want and your partner is on board with the timescales. 30 probably seems quite old to you right now as well!

If you had one at 21 then it would be quite a big gap to start again at 31 so I think it's reasonable to expect to have completed your family by 30. But you'd still have about 12 more years to have more kids if you changed your mind. There's no need to be very prescriptive. Seems like a theoretical non issue though really!

No way do multiple people give you funny looks about this unless you live in some weird parallel universe

Who cares what age you have children? And even if they did why would you care, do what's best for you and your family, no need to worry what the internet thinks

the logic behind it is that seems like a reasonable time to find a new version of myself that’s not a mum with young kids. I hope to be able to take in new adventures I can’t do now with a little one. But it’s so true you never know where life will be in the future.

I had the same age limit, but it was based on the max age gap I wanted between my children, rather than my own age. If DD1 had been born a year later, my limit would have been 31.

No you are not being unreasonable. Makes sense to me.

It's about 25,% have a child by 25 so not " very few" and at 30 is about 50%

Nope, not crazy. It mightn’t be what everyone would choose but you are free to set your own timeline based on what you think is best for you and your future.

Im similar op and think it’s becoming a lot more common. I had my son at 19 and I’m 30 now. Became a single parent and had a few relationships but nothings worked out and at the time I wanted more kids but said after 25 I wouldn’t have anymore, I’ve now changed that to 30 and highly doubt I’d have anymore. I got myself a degree and think I’ve given my only child a good childhood, I work as a nurse and know the risks change and my own mum died in her 50s whilst I was in my 20s so would quite like to have younger years still where I can have my own life and travel so unless I meet someone amazing in the next few years that manages to sway me, I will be one and done

You’re allowed to set your own age limit. Obviously in the wider world there are still years left after 30 to have children but it’s absolutely your choice to make.

Nobody cares.

@DarkLion Have to respond and say well done. Love when I hear women still striving while young and with a child 💪

It’s not unreasonable, not because of your actual age but because of the age of your current child. I have a 10 year gap which was my limit. Families can be very happy with bigger age gaps but having children takes its toll on women- professionally, financially, mentally, physically etc. I’ve spent a huge chunk of my adult life parenting young kids and while I love them to death, it has had its consequences for me in many ways. I’d have stuck at one rather than have a bigger gap than 10 years.

Do you want another child? If so, what's stopping you getting on with it now?

Apparently it’s all based on her in law expressing surprise.

Are you working? “Striving”?

I don’t think it’s crazy because of your reason. It’s not like you think you will be too old. You want more freedom.

I had my daughter at 37. (Now 40)y youngest sister would not want to have a baby at that age. And that’s absolutely fine.

@Herenowatbroad are you asking if I’m working ?

Not at all unreasonable if that's how you feel.

Yes. And do you feel you are “striving”?

This just seems like something you can’t control, unless you are married and planning your family. Even then you could be hit by infertility and it could take longer, or not happen at all.

Oh thank you so much! Love that ❤️ I was just raised on benefits and wanted different for my own son and me and to set an example for him that what we have is because I’ve worked for it. I do live in a council house though as when my mum died I took on the care of my sister who has a learning disability so needed adaptions and I know anyone who lives in social housing is slaughtered on here at times 😂 I would love to get on the property ladder once my son is older

I love how much power women can have now to decide on what we want and I do think the perks of deciding to be done when we’re still considered young is that we can work, save and set the tone for our quality of life and prepare for older age. There is no wrong and people are absoloutely fine to still decide to have children when older but I do feel proud at times that we no longer have to be at the mercy of husbands, reproducing and only destined to be housewives if that’s what we don’t want ☺️