AIBU to think equal inheritance for each child causes the least friction?

[UppityUpUpDoon]

Based on a couple of interitance threads, where people get upset about an inheritance split (e.g. about step grandchildren being included/not included in the inheritance or a smaller amount left to childfree silblings)

AIBU to think the least amount of friction is caused between siblings/grandchildren by leaving equal amounts to each of your children, regardless of how many children they have?

The more threads I read on this the more convinced I am that this is what I will do and I hope is what my parents will too, because it's the only split that doesn't seem to cause massive resentment. I have three siblings, each with a different amount of children and one with none (I have the most children).

But I could be wrong... Has anyone felt hard done by or fallen out with siblings when their parents have split the inheritance soley between the children (even if, say, one has no children)? And then left it to them to sort their own children out.

One exception I can think of would be if one of my children had an addiction (drugs/gambling). Then I would quite likely bypass them and leave directy with my grandchildren.

I would honestly rather leave nothing to any of them if I thought it could cause a permanent divide between them, and yet I've known so many siblings who do not talk based purely on the inheritance split (including my mum and her brother).

AIBU to think equal inheritance for each child causes the least amount of friction?

Inheritance wise I’m splitting it three ways between my three DC. With regard to helping them out when I’m alive I’m doing it on a when it’s needed basis.

But wouldn’t your step-daughter have been splitting your husband’s half of the house with her 17yo half-brother, also her dad’s child? So at most she’d only get 25% anyway?

There was a thread about exactly this scenario recently, perhaps it was yours. It was shocking but I conclude that so many people are finding it so hard to get by that they literally need money to fall out of the sky and into their laps to get a leg up. Or this is a manifestation of how your grown step-daughter feels about her dad’s marriage to you!

My parents left 30% to me 30% to my sister and 40% split between 3 grandchildren. (All my kids) my sister was angry as she saw it as ‘my family’ got 70% and she got penalised for not having children.

But your sister sort-of was penalised @likeitshard - had your parents left their estate 50/50 ie equally between their 2 children, of course she would have received more. It looks as though your parents valued your family more because you had children.

It's then your choice about how you pass on your half to your DC.

So if only a smallish amount is left after care fees could the DGC inherit but not you and your siblings?

Split equally between the deceased's
children is the fairest way to do it in nearly all cases. Or split equally between siblings individually and then grandchildren as a group. I can understand it being split differently in some situations though, if there was a very compelling reason - e.g. if one child had significant disabilities that would require funding to support.

It's immaterial now as my db has died and my parents are still alive but I would have expected us to share the inheritance equally even though he had no kids and I have 4dc. They have recently made a will and I will inherit everything and if I predecease them it will be shared equally between my dc. If they all agree on a different proportion then they can vary the will.

I would say the only fair way is to split the money equally between your children, regardless how many children they have as that is a different layer of inheritance (they will inherit from each their own parents). If you have a sister with currently no children, who is to say in 5years they will start their own family?

Say parents have 3 children, one has 3 children, one 1 child (let’s say they had 2 but 1 passed away and were unable to have more), then one has no children (but 10 years after their parents pass away they go on to have 2 children).

Best to split between their children as grandchildren are undetermined. Could well end up one family being awarded 75% of the family wealth.

Wills are always tricky, but fairness is key.

Huge falling out in my family when grandmother left everything to one child, a token amount to one of the others and the third nothing at all. I'm still not sure what went on there but I think it influence my DM to split her estate absolutely equally between my DB and me.

Although DB lived at home a lot of his adult life and benefited from DM and DF housing him, feeding him, running a car for him, when he married and he and his DW moved in with DM they cared for her for her last years and meant she didn't have to go into a home, which would have meant the house being sold and very little inheritance for either of us.

I am one of 4 and my parents originally split everything 4 ways. However my younger brother kicked off because the 2 oldest were named executors and he thought that unfair. My dad and 2 brothers were in business and again younger brother said it was unfair that 2 sisters got share of business. Basically he wanted everything his way. Several years later and after some upsetting family dramas (brother defrauding dad out of business) parents rewrote their wills and documented everything with solicitors with fixed bequests to grandchildren and remainder divided 3 ways. He hasn't spoken to us since dad's funeral. My siblings and I agreed with parents decision and tried to protect younger brother from contents of will but eventually caved in and he responded by ghosting us all. Would we have preferred it to have been split 4 ways to preserve the peace? Probably not because it was my parents wishes that we carried out and they did not do it without a lot of thought.

My husband’s mother left almost everything to him and a small gift to his sister (minimum) as he cared for both parents for over 20 years and she did nothing for either of them, sometimes as you said it’s not always so black and white.

My mum has always said she would divide equally between the 3 of us.
one sister has two children and has been absolutely raging about this for ages because I don’t have children and don’t intend to have any, other sister has 3 kids and thinks it’s fair enough.
my mum said she had 3 children and will split it equally, her grandchildren weren’t her decision and if my sisters want to split their inheritance with their children, they can do.

When my dad died,his will stated that everything would be split equally 3 ways between my 2 siblings and I.We all thought this was fair.DH and I have done the same with our own wills.We have 2 DC and 2 grandchildren.It will be up to DC if they want to give any of their inheritance to their own DC.

totally agree, split equal share to the children.

They can then pass on to next generation down if that is the appropriate thing to do for that person

My brother has 3 children - is a complete car crash of a person
I have two children, not rich but not a car crash - generally ok
My sister has not kids, is actually well off

fairest for my starting to wobble parents is to split equally between us

I have however encouraged my kids to build a relationship with well off childless aunt

yes I'm a terrible human being

YABU, if it's your parents money, because it's their choice. If you want a say in how money is shared out, earn your own and share it as you wish.

I agree with you - equal splits is the fairest way.

My husband and I are in agreement that our plan is....
● A specified amount for each grandchild, for example £5k each
● the remaining inheritance is to be split equally between our three children.

This way....
● Each of our children gets the same as each other.
● Each grandchild gets the same amount as each other direcrly from us.
● separating the children and grandchildren means the amount of children each of my kids has doesn't impact how much each one gets - so if one of my kids had four, one had two and one only had one child, all of the grandkids will get the same amount as each other.

Its fairly standard to divide equally between children unless there is a good reason not to.

I have never heard of inheritance being split based on how many children each child has.

If all your children are in a similar situation financially in life then yes an equal split between children is fair.

But what if you have three children, one in a council house struggling to pay bills each month, one fairly comfortable but has a large mortgage, and one who lives in a 2 million pound house and is financially very comfortable due to their partners inheritance a few years ago. Is it fair to divide it equally in this scenario?

What if one child ends up being pretty much a sole carer for the parent in their later years doing their shopping, hospital visits, cleaning their house, caring for them, and another sibling visits for a couple of hours every other month? Is it fair to split it equally then?

There is alot of factors people have to take into account, and unfortunately money brings out the worst in people.

I have seen it with my nan, my nan looked after her mum for as long as she was able, but after a fall mobility was so poor she had to reside to putting her into a home. I never thought my nan would go into a home, but after a couple of falls she had to. When my auntie and uncle found out the fees, their main concern was what may or may not be left of their inheritance, my uncles wife was even trying to work out what they would get based on how long my nan lives for. It saddens my mum and me that they think like this, and once my nan goes I want nothing more to do with them. Money has shown their true colours. I hope my nan lives to use all her money and they get nothing, and so does my mum, even though that would be her inheritance too.

I don't want anyone's money when they die.
Perhaps that's because it won't be much in my family or because I just don't see it as the be all and end all. My sister moved in with my parents to care for my dad whilst he died. She's child free by choice and did it selflessly. My mum is still alive and if she decides to gift my sister some money in recognition of that, good! She deserves it. It will likely be the same sister who will offer to provide increased care for my mum as well, she has a lifestyle which means she is better able to do so but she's also incredibly willing to do it, which should count for something. I wouldn't have any issues with that being recognised. But similarly if it all went to the donkey sanctuary, I wouldn't give a toss. If she gave it all to the grandkids or spent it herself.
You can only try to be fair. I would suggest having the conversation before you pass if you don't plan to do an even split so that it's about your decision and not for siblings etc to argue over later. It's not the money, it's what the money means is the issue.