AIBU to think equal inheritance for each child causes the least friction?

[UppityUpUpDoon]

Based on a couple of interitance threads, where people get upset about an inheritance split (e.g. about step grandchildren being included/not included in the inheritance or a smaller amount left to childfree silblings)

AIBU to think the least amount of friction is caused between siblings/grandchildren by leaving equal amounts to each of your children, regardless of how many children they have?

The more threads I read on this the more convinced I am that this is what I will do and I hope is what my parents will too, because it's the only split that doesn't seem to cause massive resentment. I have three siblings, each with a different amount of children and one with none (I have the most children).

But I could be wrong... Has anyone felt hard done by or fallen out with siblings when their parents have split the inheritance soley between the children (even if, say, one has no children)? And then left it to them to sort their own children out.

One exception I can think of would be if one of my children had an addiction (drugs/gambling). Then I would quite likely bypass them and leave directy with my grandchildren.

I would honestly rather leave nothing to any of them if I thought it could cause a permanent divide between them, and yet I've known so many siblings who do not talk based purely on the inheritance split (including my mum and her brother).

AIBU to think equal inheritance for each child causes the least amount of friction?

My MIL left an equal amount to each of her grandchildren (including step granchildren).

She then wanted the rest split equally between her children. With the proviso that the parents of her grandchildren give their children and extra £xk from their amount. This didn't then penalise her kids who didn't have any children, and gave everyone a "fair share".

Though I probably ought to state that none of her children expected any money and encouraged her to use it for her own comfort and needs!

I don’t think it has anything to do with fractions or percentages or children or grandchildren. It comes down to the personalities involved, and communication while the benefactors are still
alive.

Equal doesn't guarantee happiness. When GM died, she left an even split to her 4 DC. My aunt demanded more as she'd done all the care for 20+ years.

My DP's are splitting equally. I resent it as I'm doing the care. DB answers their calls occasionally & stops by twice a year. He'll also get things from DF's shed, worth quite a bit. It's not fair at all. DB would kick up a stink because he's in a poor financial position (own fault). I think he'll get a shock at how little there will be anyway, as DF has badly mismanaged their money.

My childless uncle is giving most to charity. I'm getting a paltry token - the same as my cousins who haven't spoken to him in 30+ years. I am local, so see him regularly & help a lot. Token is designed to stop us contesting the will. I never expected a penny, but to be drawn into looking after him in his old age, and him wanting free financial advice from DH (financial adviser) that costs thousands, and then deliberately ensuring I get nothing, despite struggling financially at times, I have backed off. It's not about money, but intent.

My father died in January, and boy did my brother behave like a twat.

We had both, separately told him to make a will.

I was on Universal credit, which means the UC can loan you the costs of the funeral and associated costs. You have to pay it all back except the cost of attending the funeral.

I also have legal cover on my home insurance so we could have free legal advice.

My brother would not choose wither of those options.

My father died intestate because (and I only found this out later) he wasn't well enough to sign the will and power of attorney my brother had had drawn up while he was in hospital. I assume it was what my father had asked him, but I do not know for sure.

So my brother got the money released, not in to an executor's account, but in to his own account, and paid for various funeral expenses through that.

There are a number of other issues but I got a half baked spreadsheet but no actual paperwork.

I'm disabled so it's not that easy to travel and I did not have money for a hotel. Dad lived 200 miles away so not really suitable to visit.

Anyway there was pressure put on me to 'honour the will'. But I may well be back on Universal Credit at some point so I am keeping meticulous records of where and how I am spending some of my inheritance.

Then I got an email from my brother saying the DWP had overpaid my dad's pension and some money needed to be paid back. Remember my brother used his own bank account and the letter was addressed to my brother, so I can't just make a payment from my bank account to my brother's when there is no evidence that I'm required to do so.

So a 50/50 split might be fair, but not everyone is going to like it.

depends on the circumstances

My sibling has already made it clear that they expect more from my DP because they have children and I don't. But I also know that my DP have split it equally between us so I'm expecting a battle when they pass.

Maybe people should realise what people do with their money is up to them and tantrums are not necessary

In my family we leave a set sum to each gc (usually £10k) and then the balance is split equally between our children. If there was so little to leave (and loads of gc!) then the children may end up with <£10k but that hasn't happened yet - think wills would be rewritten in this case. My partner's family leave bugger all to anyone as that's what's usually in their bank accounts (luckily their debts tend to die with them).

I am leaving 20% to be split between any grandchildren at the time ( youngest DS has no children yet) and the rest to be split equally between my DC . I want it to be as simple as possible . I would hate them to fall out about money .

That's a good solution. Children get the lion's share and grandchildren get a little something.
But what if there are stepchildren in the generation that inherits?

Interestingly my DM, this week, has told me that she is rewriting her will - I’m out and everything is going to her grandchildren (my children).
This is because I am “lucky” that when DH died he left me money (life insurance).
Of course my DM can do what she likes with her money - I just smiled and said it’s up to you!
Not sure I feel incredibly lucky though!

issue are assets- everything will need to be liquidated if the split if to be equal but this is not the best tax efficient way

Mirror will with DH then when the last of us pops off it’s a quarter each. No special provision for GC. We will leave them stuff we know they love, and give them cash towards uni or whatever they decide to do when they’re a bit older so we can see them enjoy it.
If you are a step child, make sure your parent actually has their own will. Luckily helped my mum sort hers (despite sf ‘advice’ to her! ) or everything of her private wealth would’ve gone to step father and his kids.

I think it’s fine to want to directly gift each grandchild a set amount/percentage in the will. The grandparent is allowed to want all the grandchildren to benefit equally at their death, rather than some receiving less because of their parents’ choices. And I say that as a one and done who would never benefit from this arrangement.

If anything in the will is different to “split between my children equally”, the person writing the will should have the decency to explain their decisions to people before they die though. Writing a potentially controversial will and letting everyone find out when you die is cowardly.

Quite frankly, I’d sooner have my mum than be arsing about arguing over her money.

All this talk of who is getting what when the person is still actually alive is really unpleasant.

Siblings aren’t always close, leading their own lives and living in different areas. Then if one is disgruntled due to the will, there isn’t then a need to continue contact, sometimes parents were the glue that kept the family together and once that is no longer around - they just go their separate ways. Money is then seen as the reason but it might only be a fraction of the reason

My DM was going to split it 4 ways between us then suddenly decided she would include the DGCs so another 7 - and she had already given a large amount up front to (useless) eldest DS (as if a 4 way split)- annoying. I didn't need the money but DSis did so she got not much in the end. Definitely affected my lasting memories of DM - it seemed spiteful and completely unnecessary

I agree it’s the path of less conflict, but I don’t think it’s always the right thing to do. You quite often read on here of one sibling doing so much more care, whilst sibling doesn’t nothing and doesn’t even see the relative for years. In that instance I don’t think an equal split is morally right really.

My parents owned a farm, my younger brother got the bigger share as he'd worked long hours on the farm since 16, as did his wife from age 25 and my nephew joined the farm after finishing school. To leave 50:50, then my brother would have needed to sell farm as my older brother and myself would have had a third share. It'd be nice to have had the money from selling farm, but understood my dad inherited farm at expense of his siblings, as did my grandad, and they wanted to keep farm in the family. I didn't dispute will.

Depends so much on the family- my siblings do not have dc and are too old now to have them, my parents will is house split between siblings and me 3 ways, all other money split between myself, siblings and my adult dc equally. My siblings know this and my brother had suggested it. My dc are the primary beneficiaries of both my siblings wills too (and one was my dcs named just in case guardian when dc were children) we are fairly close though not in distance.

My friend’s mum left almost everything to the childless son (him) who had cared for her for the last 20 years of her life, hands on care. His siblings with kids were seething despite all being very well off. But he’d have been left homeless if she hadn’t. They were dicks about it. It wouldn’t have been much divided between them but meant everything to him.

mu mum divided her estate equally between us …ignoring how many kids we had or didn’t have, or the guidance of my sister who has more kids and ignoring the fact that one brother is very well off, far more than the rest of us.

Totally agree @UppityUpUpDoon I have quite a few siblings with differing numbers of DC. Our parents have split their estate absolutely equally between us.

One of my siblings married someone whose father made aquiline; another sibling has a spouse who spends money like water but hardly earns; I’ve worked hard but as a single person don’t have the assets of my married siblings. We’ve all received the same division of our father’s estate, in spite of our different circumstances. If my siblings want to use it to set up their DC, that’s up to them.

DHs parents are likely to leave more to his brother who has a child who will need lifetime care.

We have three between us. As my Ds25 has a dad and dsd23 has a mum to inherit from and ds17 (who's our shared child) only has us we've split our inheritance 50:50 to our kids ie my ds25 will get 50% and ds17 will get 50% of my half of our savings/ house etc. Dsd23 nd ds17 will get 50:50 of husbands.
It will work that ds17 gets 50% of everything and ds25 and dsd23 get 25% each but like I said they also have other parents to inherent from.

We had a moment a while back as dsd23 actually said, " when dad dies where will you live?" (She was actually serious)
When asked to clarify she said " well as ill I herit his house, or half at least, where will you go?"
We had to explain that actually half the house was mine and she'd inherit 0 until both of us passed. And that actually I own half the house, we pay equally into it!

Shea bit annoyed that she's not getting extra too as she has two children, but why should her brothers get less because of her choices?

My PIL have split their wills between DH and his sibling equally, nothing to DGC as they see it as their parents choice to share or they will inherit from their own DP.

I think we shouldn’t have any say in a potential inheritance, you’re lucky to get anything imo and all this expecting is just so grabby