AIBU to think equal inheritance for each child causes the least friction?

[UppityUpUpDoon]

Based on a couple of interitance threads, where people get upset about an inheritance split (e.g. about step grandchildren being included/not included in the inheritance or a smaller amount left to childfree silblings)

AIBU to think the least amount of friction is caused between siblings/grandchildren by leaving equal amounts to each of your children, regardless of how many children they have?

The more threads I read on this the more convinced I am that this is what I will do and I hope is what my parents will too, because it's the only split that doesn't seem to cause massive resentment. I have three siblings, each with a different amount of children and one with none (I have the most children).

But I could be wrong... Has anyone felt hard done by or fallen out with siblings when their parents have split the inheritance soley between the children (even if, say, one has no children)? And then left it to them to sort their own children out.

One exception I can think of would be if one of my children had an addiction (drugs/gambling). Then I would quite likely bypass them and leave directy with my grandchildren.

I would honestly rather leave nothing to any of them if I thought it could cause a permanent divide between them, and yet I've known so many siblings who do not talk based purely on the inheritance split (including my mum and her brother).

AIBU to think equal inheritance for each child causes the least amount of friction?

Well thats what my parents did everything split 50:50 between me and my sister
When they first did their will were both teenagers so no children
And they didnt adjust it to include granchidden as they figured they would benfit indirectly anyway.

And if you ended up having more children than your sister, would you be resentful at all?

Probably.

But I think people who say things like “well my portion is smaller because what I get plus what my two children get is less than what my sister plus her three children get” are being pathetic, and need to start viewing their children as separate individuals.

My grandma left her estate in four equal chunks - a quarter to each of her three children and the final quarter split equally between her 10 grandchildren. No one cared that my uncle has 4 kids and felt that therefore he had got more. If anyone had raised that as an issue I think everyone else would have thought they were insane.

My 3 siblings and I have differing numbers of children, ranging from 2-5. My parents each left their money divided equally between the four of us.

Personally I think that is the best option, but perhaps that’s because I’m the one with 2 children!

I dont think you can guarantee a win either way.

If you have a child with one grandchild and one with four grandkids they might still complain. I've seen someone on here complaining because she had more kids than her sibling and as both decided to pass the money to the grandkids obviously the one GC got more than her 3.

Others will complain it's unfair because a siblings partner will also inherit from their own family but their partner won't get anything so they'll be 'worse off'

others may complaint because they did all the care and sibling did F all.

others because a sibling had much more financial help when parents were alive than they had themselves i have to say I think my mil has been very sensible in that whenever she's helped out one child financially she's given the siblings an equivalent amount at the same time. Although it's only my partners siblings who have ever asked for help/money we never have. I anticipate drama ahoy when she passes as one sibling did not agree with the will she wrote but I don't know if she changed it or left it as she wanted it.

such a nightmare to navigate and some people are just arseholes and so entitled when it comes to inheritance.

No why?

It is definitely the best way. Even when people try to redress a balance of one sibling earning much more than another I never think it's fair. You never know what will happen in the future. Grandchildren will inherit from their parents.

I've learned from reading inheritance threads that if you have the misfortune to have greedy grasping relatives you'll cause less friction quietly spending down your money while you're alive. You get to enjoy yourself, the economy benefits and you'll not have to put up with the whinging when they find out, on account of being dead.

😀

I'll split everything (not much 😂) between my kids, regardless of whether or not they have kids, earn more or less than their siblings etc. Just a simple division.

As a grandmother, I love my grandchildren equally. If one DC has 4 children and one has 1, I do not love the singleton four times as much as the others. They would all get one fifth. My money, my decision.

My grandad split it evenly between his 5 kids, regardless of number of children they had or wealth. It didn't cause any arguments. There would have been uproar if he'd favoured any of them.

When my nan died, my mum got more because she was the carer - I think that’s fair, and there were no issues with her siblings. Me and DH also got slightly more than my siblings when my nan died because he did a lot of work on her house that allowed her to remain independent (he did it for free). What extra money we got pretty much covered the cost of materials used and then maybe £2,000 extra, but I did end up getting more. Out of my 5 siblings only my sister kicked off, but my brothers all understood it and were fine.

It can cause issues but realistically if someone does something above and beyond like care for you or help prolong your independence they should be rewarded. There’s always going to be one though. I knew my sister would kick off because she is just like that - I love her and we are fine now but she can be difficult.

When my mum passed her money was split 25% each to my sister & I and the remainder split equally between her 3 grandchildren. No arguments.
We’ve left everything to our sons to be split 50/50.

It depends on individual circumstances surely.

One of my grandmothers left everything to one of my uncles. My DF had died 10 years previously and the other lived in Spain. My DGM did not like his wife at all.

The uncle who inherited everything lived close to my DGM and supported her. He took to appointments, shopped etc. I phoned and visited her regularly and she explained her reasons. I kept a copy of her will. There was no upset about this. Everyone understood why.

My other DGM left 25% each to her two sons and 50% to my DM, on the understanding she split it with me. Similar reasons. DM and I looked after her for the last 10 years of her life. My uncles both lived abroad and visited occasionally. Again, no issues.

Dh’s grandfather had four children and basically left most of his estate to the two children he felt needed more financial support. All children were aware of the decision. Beneficiary 1 was insistent he neither wanted nor needed the money and when he received his inheritance he gave it all to charity.

In our will my husband and I have split everything 50/50 between our two children. My parents both split everything equally between their children and my husband’s parents split everything equally between their children.
Fiddling with that formula is asking for trouble. It’s a no brainer.

I’m one of 3 children. My parents have done their will so that when they die, each of us receive 1/4 each, and then the final 1/4 gets split equally between all the grandchildren. Personally I feel this split is fair because it and grandchildren as individuals, and doesn’t rely on their parents being generous/responsible enough to share inheritance (since sadly, not all people are).

Lots of recent discussion about this in my small family!
Df will be leaving an equal split between myself, brother and his long term partner.
Dm is leaving a 3 way split between me, brother and my son.
None of us are greedy twatwaffles and will respect whatever decision they make.
Mother and brother had a huge falling out which lasted years because brother will leave everything to his wife if he dies first and she expected him to leave it to me! I don't care and told him to leave it to a cat's retirement home if he so desires as it's not worth the stress of falling out over it! For reference my brother has no children by choice and his affairs are nothing to do with me!

Your mother expected your brother to leave everything to his sister and not his wife?!?!

I think YABU because It's not that straightforward.
If a grandparent wants to include grandchildren in their will it's good to do that equally in my opinion. They are their own people with their own relationships - not an extension of their parents.
And what if the grandparents have raised the grandchildren? Or one child or grandchild has looked after the grandparents in their old age. I think it's fair in those situations to adjust percentages.

I would say split it equally, everything else being equal (I provide far more support to DM than DB does, and she has helped considerably with buying a house near her a few years ago. He has paid off his mortgage and sees her 2-3 times a year. But he gets first dibs on whatever she leaves).

But be generous while alive giving every grandchild the same amount.

Absolutely. If you want to 'uneven' things up, do it secretly when you're alive and if anyone found out you would be around to justify it.

But don't die and leave your children with unanswered questions and a lifetime of feeling second best.

Several years ago I asked for advice on MN, as we have one DS with three children and one with a single child.
How should we split their inheritance?
I was told in no uncertain terms by many MNetters that our sons’ family planning decisions was not our problem.
So everything gets split between our two sons . They are both aware of this and understand.
i changed my user name after all this as someone helpfully remarked that it was a Tricky Decision. Shortened later just to TrickyD.

My Mum left equal amounts to her 5 DD's and nothing directly to her DGC. All except 1 sister passed on money to their DC and the 1 sister couldn't afford to do this. I'm giving my 3 DC equal amounts but I'll be giving my 2 DGC a house between them they can rent out or sell for a good sized deposit whatever they agree between them. I'm leaving a holiday home that all family can all use in France, it will be need to rent out for 4 weeks a year to cover taxes and utilities for year.