Have you ever known the woman to leave the family home and leave the kids behind? (title edited by MNHQ at request of the OP)

[Iliketocallthemsmilelines]

Or did you leave yourself?

It seems to be very rare, but it surely must happen

We dont always know the full story.

I know one that had her kids adopted.

I sometimes wonder how many of these women never left at all but people were simply told they did.

But many of the stories recounted here (and all the ones I know of) the women weren't "never seen again", their whereabouts and circumstances are known.

In those cases, maybe. Although sometimes the 'whereabouts are known' only by one person and they are never heard from again.

Forgive me for my cynicism, but spousal murder happens.

Spousal murder does happen but surely a minority compared to all the thousands of cases.
When I say whereabouts are known just read this thread - most of the cases the woman is shacked up with an affair partner.

I wouldn't say 'most'. There does seem to be a fair sprinkle of women who have just vanished. Hearsay seems to do quite a lot of heavy lifting as to their subsequent whereabouts. I would imagine back before the current era of social media, a husband saying 'she ran off to live in Abergavenny with a builder called Dai' might well be taken as gospel.

Not that it really matters for the purposes of this thread - just something to be aware of.

A body has to be found for a femicide to be recorded. And somebody either has to be looking for them in the first place or an old patio (there's a reason behind the trope, after all) needs to be dug up for a extension to be built.

I wouldn't be surprised if many of the 'Cheap baggage ran off with a bloke she met in Sainsbury's trolley bay'/'She was always out and about picking up random men' cases have an undiscovered body somewhere.

Why, is this what you’re thinking of doing? It seems odd to ask without context.

That's pretty much what I'm saying.

Particularly say fifty or sixty years ago, if the husband said that his wife just upped and ran off with another man, nobody would query it at all, when it might not be the case in reality.

I did. Women judge you very harshly. Won't put all the reasons, at the time I was physically and mentally exhausted from years of my husbands, gaslighting, financial dishonesty threats and manipulation. I thought he was a very good father, 1 DS was going to Uni 2 Dcs didnt want to leave their home/school etc. I thought I could regroup and get them later. It was a mistake not because I should have stayed but it was done from a place of weakness and panic. The guilt is overwhelming, I couldn't be happy.if I could go back I would do everything differently.

I was just pondering that same thing.

There have been notable cold cases here (US) where women who supposedly left and 'were never heard from again' turned out to have been murdered by husbands/boyfriends based on either a cold case review of evidence or the discovery of remains. In just about all the cases everyone who knew the couple were astonished that such a 'nice man' could do such a terrible thing.

You simply never know.

Absolutely awful, l feel for you and the DC some people are not fit to be a
mother. She is a totally selfish insensitive bitch

I wouldn't consider that as 'abandoning' one's child(ren). A woman who chooses to put her children up for adoption is generally making the decision that she feels is best for the child.

I'm an adopted child. My birth mother made the absolute right decision to give me up for adoption. After recent contact with some half siblings, my life would have been absolute hell if she'd kept me.

@Nettie1964

Please try to let go of the guilt. To quote the wonderful late Dr Maya Angelou "You did then what you knew how to do, now that you know better, you'll do better".

You can't change the past and 'you did then what you knew how to do'. If you haven't, getting counseling to accept that can be your 'knowing better, doing better'.

I wish you peace.

I only know of one and it was very traumatic, as she was actually reported missing to begin with.
I don't know any men who have reached a breaking point and dissappeared like that, but I do know of loads of dads who are a bit crap/absent.

I’m adopted as well .
Her kids weren’t babies they were primary school aged , she wanted a fresh start , no husband and no kids .

Don't you dare judge until you've been there. Not unless you want to be judging from a position of absolute ignorant arrogance.

The close relation I knew left because the father started to beat the children in order to distress the mother.

You're judging what you don't have a clue about.

My mum did - leaving me and my siblings, age 14, 13, 9 and 7. She had four children before she was 30 and said she had had enough and didn’t want to be a wife/mother any more and wanted a life! Sadly she remained single for the rest of her life, my dad on the other hand remarried a lovely lady and they were very happy together.

Agree with Doone22, posters seem to forget that no child has asked to be born, if you don't want children don't have them but don't walk out on young children because you want a different life without considering the harm you are doing to the children. Totally selfish.

Yes she had 5 kids. She took her own life 🥹 she was judged so much. It seems trite but I commented on people slagging her off saying. If it was a man they wouldn't comment. Plus there was some underlying mental health issues. Personally you never know whats going on inside a persons head. I just hope she had found some peace now. Some woman and mothers can be nasty pieces of work as well as men though. Waters are muddied

My birth mum left me when I was about 8 months old, my dad raised me. It never leaves you.

My mum left both my brother and I when we were young teenagers, she had mental health issues. My dad totally did not understand her and her health issues and I think she felt she had no other option and wanted to leave the relationship. It has certainly affected us both in our childhood and adult lives. My brother had a wife who did the same and left him to care for the kids. I have always been a ‘caregiver’ throughout my life to work and my family. I have limited self worth which I have tried to build up. I have my own children and it is hard to know what drove her to leave us, parenting is so hard but I could never leave my children. I left my first husband but ensured I had total custody of my child.

There’s a couple of single Dads I know, one was due to drug abuse. The other we never did find out the full story but mum wasn’t British, we’ve never seen her again so assume she went back to her parents/family.

Both left daughters behind for their Dads to raise. Both girls are happy, healthy and well adjusted.

Another single Dad we know is due to the mother being irresponsible and an alcoholic. Daughter was brought up by Dad and Stepmum, model child until she turned 18 when she moved in with her Mum and started partying every night etc.

The closest ones it happened to was my cousins Parents split up as Mum was an alcoholic (she still is, we see her occasionally) so they grew up with my Uncle. Both are also happy and well adjusted. The eldest lives a nomadic lifestyle, has never rented/bought his own house (30 now) but spends a lot of time travelling for work. Lives with his Dad when he isn’t away. But then that lifestyle runs in the family as my Mum is officially ‘homeless’ when she is in the UK as she rents out her house for income and is currently living with her Dad as his carer but before that she lived on a boat, my Great Uncle moved his whole
family to Mauritius at one point and my Great Grandad use to spend 6 months here and 6 months in New Zealand every year until he was too ill to fly anymore. So I am not sure my cousins nomadic lifestyle has anything to do with his Mum leaving!

Did you even bother to read what I wrote?

Would you stay, knowing your children would be beaten to a pulp and sexually abused deliberately and only in order to hurt YOU?

If you would - shame on you.

Editted: I saw that woman later and saw how devastated she was at the damage done to the children. The only thing one could say is "pick the father of your children carefully". Sadly vicious men rarely come with "evil bastard" tattooed on their forehead.