To want one child-free day where I can do something for me?

[FunPartyIdeas]

I tutor term-time only but have a 6 yo of my own. No pay in school holidays so very limited re holidays and days out.
AIBU to want just one child-free day? Or even afternoon? Or am I being selfish in wanting that little break?

That is not bad as a headline rate, but I am guessing that is only for contact time? Or just not enough hours…

Set the maths out here then perhaps we can help you work out why it’s not going very far…

I think you have to treat this, and discuss with your husband that childcare is your working job during school holidays (albeit one a lot more flexible that your other job), and in effect decide your holidays together.
So if your husband is taking a week off work, perhaps allocate 5 days of family time, and one day each of completely child free time.
Allocate out the weekends of normal weeks- maybe you both get one 'day off' weekend day a month, or 2 hours free each weekend, or however you decide.

If your husband is taking a holiday day in term time, then you need to talk about finances together and how you can't afford to do the same thing.

But also, you need to accept that yes, childcare is hard and full on, but at the same time, you CAN choose not to do any jobs for the day, to go back to bed with a cuppa, to give your child whatever occupies them for 2 hours- tablet, your phone- and sit in silence. It is your choice. Thats not quite the same as a paid job.

That means he has spare annual leave to take if you are having a short trip. So he can take a day off to give you a break. You’re making this much more difficult than it need be. This 💯 sounds like a husband problem.

@Insalata He can definitely manage a part-day, yes. I will suggest it.

I thought you was a single parent at 1st OP. Is your DH off all weekend? Why cant he look after DC and then you do something alone? Then you can look after DC Sunday so he's got time to himself?

They are free holiday clubs Google your local council. They are at various schools and your child does not have to attend that school to be able to attend. I think they are from around 9am-3pm.

Cheap cinema tickets for £1. Mini mornings £2.49.

I don’t get what your husband is using annual leave for if you aren’t going on holiday

@Parcelpass He probably couldn't manage a full day due to his health, but definitely part which I will suggest to him.
Definitely going to look into the free clubs - never heard of them before.

I can only see the free clubs for children with additional needs or families on benefits?

It sounds like you are quite stretched on the finances front, but is there any scope to save a small amount of money every week to help tide you over next year's summer holidays?
As money is an issue, what is it you would like to do during your childfree time? Is it as simple as having the house to yourself for a few hours? Or taking yourself off to a coffee shop just for a bit of peace? What would your DH like to do with a few hours down time? If you have some more definite ideas about what you both would like to do, you may find it easier to carve out the appropriate time, while still having sufficient family time too.

@Easilyforgotten I've thought about this. A lot. Would like to binge-watch something good (don't know what?) in my pj's and eat crap all day! 😄 It's my perimenopausal dream!!

Yanbu.
I‘m in similar circs - I’m 49 and work term time only, so am off all school hols with my daughter (7). DH has had no time off this summer & we can’t currently afford any holiday clubs (this should change next academic year as i’ll be working more hours).
I have broken this 6 weeks up by staying with relatives and having them back to stay. PIL have had daughter for a couple of days, we have a couple of play dates and lucky enough to live in a small town where if we’re out at the park or wherever dd will always see a friend or 2.
I’m someone who loves and needs time alone OP, just at home pottering really, so I absolutely get where you are coming from, and I find the whole grind of summer and having to do stuff and potentially socialise, overwhelming.
This year I have also just taken off mornings ‘to myself’ as such, to work out or go in the hot tub, while dd watches tv, plays, and gets ready - I have slowed everything down & we haven’t hurried to get ready and go out.
I tend to enjoy the first couple of weeks of summer hols but then am craving September and routine, especially with the oppressive heat we’ve been having 🤪
Hang in there, it’s nearly done!

Sympathy OP. It’s intense having children all day every day over the summer with no breaks.

@Greenwriter76
Thank you for your understanding. We are off to see in-laws tomorrow for the day which will be nice but they are both 84 bless them so the little one will still need entertaining by one of us! But very important to see them 😀

Surely he can manage a full day looking after his own 6yo at home?

Well you didn't tell us that so how would we know?

It was just a suggestion as you so badly wanted time to yourself.

Just get your DH to take her out for a full day. You need a break too.

@timtamsarebetterthanpenguins I've explained why in other posts. His back is OK atm and the warm weather has helped, but occasionally in the winter his condition gets so bad he needs a stick to get about. He's only 50 😞

But that doesn't explain why he can't care for a 6yo - lots of people are far more disabled and limited than that and can look after their own kid at home for a day (and often full-time!).

I am in a similar situation- work term time and have both my DC (8 and 3) full time every school holiday, no family nearby to help. My DH takes a week off for a family holiday in the summer and some short breaks during other holidays but other than that I do all the holiday childcare. It is very full on so I sympathise. I also would love a day off to myself, but at the moment it isn’t going to happen. Some things that have helped me to enjoy the holidays:

• finding all the free things to do locally (loads at the library, local churches, local shopping centres)- follow local inst mums and there is lots available at low cost without big days out. I make a list of things to do so we always have ideas. I am a bit fed up of making picnics but this also keeps the cost down. My treat is a coffee when we’re out.
• organising play dates for my 8 year old - she entertains herself much more with a friend over
• asking mum friends for some childcare in return for me having their child for some time in the school holidays- loads of people really appreciate this offer and it would give you a couple of hours break
• organise things to do in the evening - a walk or cinema with a friend.
• sell things on vinted and use this for a day in holiday club - around here they are about £20-25 per day.
• make friends with retired people who will have your DC for a couple of hours

Get a job in a school then your pay is spread equally over 12 months.
X

@Bananacrepewithnuts I did that. Was a primary teacher for 22 years. Never again.

I agree. I work term time and pre-Covid my husband left the house early, not returning until 6 or sometimes later. I found it full on with my two as well as enjoying it. To give myself time off I’d invite a friend each and base myself near them with a book, would give them tv time and then use that to have time to myself and just generally enjoyed not working for 6 weeks.

When SAHP used to say at the end of summer they were glad it was over as they needed a break I was always a bit baffled as to me, that was a break! It’s full on but it’s not the usual stress of work as well.

You’re not being unreasonable but, as long as DD doesn’t have any permanent sen issue, this is only temporary? As an SAHM for the last 21 years of two SEN kids, I’ve had perhaps 20 days to myself in those 21 years, and 7 of those were last year when I went away for a week on my own. Like you, we’re older parents, so DH very senior and nor easily able to take time off, no parents/family and PILs, whilst lovely, are 3/5-4 hours away and were in their mid 60’s when first born, so unable to help at all in last 10 years due to old age/infirmity (Parkinson's, falls, broken bones and deafness).

I am hoping people reading and answering the ‘I’m 43 is it too late to have a[nother] baby’ threads with a ‘go for it’ reply might realise that yes, it is too late. Having children when you are even just a little bit older (I was just 39 for last one) presents significant issues with energy, family ability to help and your own resilience.

@FunPartyIdeas Wjat age are your older children? Would they not look after their sister for a day?

They have something called ‘play scheme’ where i am which is a week of free mornings at school holiday clubs.. no idea if its called that everywhere or not

Also a thought for the future. Now you realise that you need breaks, you can work on building some.l friendships where you may be able to do some play date swaps in the future. Your child will need another 5-6 years probably of looking after in the holidays so why not start making some friends through her school. You might find there are other parents in similar positions who would love to strike up a friendship