To want one child-free day where I can do something for me?

[FunPartyIdeas]

I tutor term-time only but have a 6 yo of my own. No pay in school holidays so very limited re holidays and days out.
AIBU to want just one child-free day? Or even afternoon? Or am I being selfish in wanting that little break?

Why can’t your husband look after your daughter one Saturday a month and then gets a full day to himself another weekend?
also, you’ve been on holiday for a week with your husband. Didn’t you get a break then?

@beAsensible1 The job I do now doesn't offer any school holiday hours. If it did I'd be at it like a shot. As it's work for the LA they obviously don't allow free of charge tuition (for parents-funded by the LA) over the holidays.

Yes - there's no medals for martyring yourself, OP.

You:
take a day off and take the financial hit
Hand over child to DH for a good chunk (8-6 or something, not a couple of hours)
Book her into a day of summer camp, from the household budget

Those are your choices.

I use annual leave to have me-days and have since DS was born.

@searchforthesun We've not been away yet. It won't be a full week as can't afford that but a few days away from housework which I always appreciate.

@OnlyUsername How do I pay for those things? Our rent pm is over 1.5k!!

I have 3 kids and my DH is self employed with his busiest season being summer. He works 7 days a week throughout summer normally but this year with the weather it was all earlier and he is now mostly home on weekends - it feels like heaven! Neither of us have a total day off, ever. We take little snippets here and there on a weekend, I might go to the supermarket alone, or he might nip out and run a few errands. I might go for a walk for an hour. But generally parenting as a duo feels such a luxury compared to being in sole charge during the week. To make the holidays more bearable, I put away small amounts of money each week throughout the year to have a summer pot. I don't really know what to suggest, there are lots of free things you could do for a few hours on a weekend that could feel like a break. Go and have a wander round a library, pick a book and then find a nice park to sit and have a packed lunch? Seems a bit defeatist to just say well I don't have any money so can't have a break.

you said upthread all your dhs leave is used for family holidays. Now you are saying you don’t have them. So if you are both home when he is on annual leave as you can’t afford holidays, there is literally nothing stopping you going out solo for the whole day somewhere. This thread is baffling.

@arethereanyleftatall I didn't say that. I said we won't be going away for a full week this time. He will only be off the days we are away then back to it.

Then you take the ‘hand over his child to DH’ option that @OnlyUsernamedetailed for you.

Why aren’t you addressing the posters who suggest you take a day at the weekend??

Why don't you both agree to each having a weekend day off? You go off and enjoy yourself one saturday, and he can go out the next? DH and I regularly have days/evenings out with friends, or go away for weekends with friends.

My brain has fallen out. I can't be the only one.

Your Mum isn't doing her usual child care in the holidays so just ask her for one afternoon every fortnight maybe. You aren't responding about your husband doing every other Saturday. I think it is harder for Mums with one child because there are no siblings nearer to your daughters age to play with so you are her playmate.

alternate weekend days with DH, take a book or something to the park with a picnic blanket and a drink and relax in the shade.

this is free.

and works with both your schedules.

@disturbia I do think it is harder without siblings close in age - you're right. She is used so much to a lot of attention.
I have two much older sons (three years apart from each other) and they were happy playing together for parts of the day definitely.

There should be some kind of kiddy bunker where you can park you kids for a day or two, similar to a kennels or a cattery.

Does he not get annual leave?

@Roseonthebalcony I will ask my husband to see if he can manage a whole day. He has a spinal condition but - touch wood - his back is not too terrible at the moment. I am sure he will do his best as I know he gets frustrated with his limitations already as an older dad. I will just have to remind him no piggybacks! 😀

@FunPartyIdeas Politely, OP, you simply aren’t earning enough. Your agency rate should, per hour, cover the unpaid period of the holidays and also allow for sickness. You shouldn’t be struggling for bills or a bit of leisure spending over the summer. Are you paying into a pension? I really hope so.

What is the rate for the role in terms of teaching pay scale or a TA role? How does your actual pay compare, if annualised?

I suspect that the people enjoying their summers are those running the agency!

I worked in education and other badly paid sectors, so totally get wanting to do something for the love of it, but have over the years had to give myself many a stern ‘talking to’ about being paid what I deserve. My situation is different as my DH is a high earner but I still don’t let people take advantage of my skills and experience.

I suggest asking if the LA can employ you directly or perhaps even seeing if you can set up your own agency and do the same work at far greater benefit to yourself and your family. Or do a bit of other tutoring to boost your income.

@BadSkiingMum I get £32 ph and yes, pay into a pension. Also weekly deductions for my student loan. Sounds OK on paper I guess? But not when our rent and CT come to around £1,750 pm. The contract is solely through the LA, term-time only.

I'm not sure what comment you're replying to because you're not quoting them, but surely you're not saying you can't get a break till you're back at work??

Yanbu to want time off but I do think most of the options have been explored in this thread. We don't have any family support either so (until they get older and spend more time with friends) it's either me or DH. Your DH needs to take the occasional day off to give you a break. Mine took our kids (8 and 4) into London for the day last week, I stayed home and read my book in the garden. It was both glorious and excellent for my sanity. He can't do it often because most annual leave is taken for family holidays, but the odd day here and there is helpful.

Could you do 11+ tutoring in some evenings and use that as extra income to fund occasional holiday club etc?

It should be family money. You said I can't afford... not we can't afford...

I agree with PP, you seem to have a DH problem.

Honestly I think you’re being a bit defeatist here. You have a mum who does childcare during the week by the sounds of it every day and most people do not have that at all. You have one child so should be pretty easy to organise reciprocal play dates with various school mums even without thinking about paid for holiday clubs. With more than one kid, you’d be having to try and do parallel play dates. I’d honestly invite 5/6 kids over for a full day and make it really fun then you’d get some reciprocal invites back.

Your other half should be taking a good chunk of leave every year and could easily give you the odd weekend day for you to have some spare time.

@Swissmeringue DH probably couldn't manage a full day away with her due to his health, but definitely going to suggest a good part-day as that would be lovely. He might take her to visit family as he likes doing that.