To want one child-free day where I can do something for me?

[FunPartyIdeas]

I tutor term-time only but have a 6 yo of my own. No pay in school holidays so very limited re holidays and days out.
AIBU to want just one child-free day? Or even afternoon? Or am I being selfish in wanting that little break?

But at least it would be consistent and you would be paid over the holidays. I think you need to weigh up the tutoring that gives no pay over the holidays and no sickness leave, plus you also now say the clients can cancel and you are left with no work and no pay.

Or else if you think the tutoring pays better, as someone else suggested you need to work out what the yearly salary is and then divide this by 12. Each month then put an amount away so you have a summer salary, and perhaps can be used for a day of childcare.

@isthisaplum Thank you. I rise above rude posters who are unable to get their point across politely - best way to be.

That’s not comparable to babysitting though. How old is the oldest child?

Did your nearest library do anything for kids over the summer? My nearest one has a Lego club every Saturday morning, and there’s usually a few kids handing around afterwards that my daughter plays with occasionally. The library also had one off groups during the holidays as well.

@Moonnstarz Yes you're right - I may have to look at other options. Unfortunately HLTA'ing paid less and it was not a job I enjoyed for the reasons given. I love what I do now - being told you have been a "game changer" in a 15 yo's life and that of his family means a great deal ❤️
But it's a struggle and no job security which can be very stressful.
I did get accepted to do a Masters in Child and Young People Counselling a while back (which I was pleasantly surprised about as the interview process was gruelling to say the least), but crunching the numbers couldn't afford the time off needed or to l take out another student loan. Was a nice confidence boost though!

@Tangled123 We've signed up for the library book challenge, but the local library has been closed all week due to the weather!!
Will try again next week 😀

@Insalata 19 and at uni.

But home for the holidays? Is he ‘allowed’ to babysit?

@arethereanyleftatall No, he is with his dad over the uni holidays. Mostly with his mates in the hot tub and swimming pool (don't blame him in this weather!!) He comes over for the odd dinner.

Would working in a sen school be of interest? Not sure whether you just worked in primary school previously.

Or would a family support worker role in school be of interest for primary? Or pastoral lead/non teaching head of house type roles in secondary? Even some 1:1 roles in sen schools now pay quite well so I would be looking at your P60 to see how much you do earn in the year and whether it is as much as you think (if you have multiple cancellations for example) as while the hourly rate sounds good, if you aren't getting that many hours and only limited to term time a lower paid job may be better.

While you might love the job I am not sure if overall this is adding to your struggles as you do mention not having much money.

Do you have a local museum near by? Just thought that mine does a bit of a holiday club. It's only 2 hours but it's a drop and go, do you have anything like that near you?

Ah! LOL

I did work in a PRU before I had my daughter. The violence against staff was horrific and still haunts me to this day. These kids were primary. Ofsted have since shut it down (thankfully). I don't think I could deal with the physical nature of a PRU/AP at 45 in peri now.
In fact, a colleague of mine (same age, excellent teacher) recently moved to teach in an AP. Like me, she loved tutoring, but was struggling on the pay. She was in the job about a month before walking as it was just unmanageable.
Love the idea of a FSW, but the pay again is appallingly low.

you seem to be making an awful lot of excuses for your husband , bad back or not one day won’t kill him , presumably as older parents you would have knew you can’t rely on older grandparents etc , you matter as much as your husband stop being a door mat and make him do his fair share

@essexmam89 It's not just a "bad back." He has a degenerative spinal condition which causes periods of intense pain and likely will need further major surgery down the line. Worse in winter, better currently.

When was I rude... literally dozens of posters are commenting trying to offer solutions (myself included) but you hold a barrier up to everything. I'm not sure how anyone here can help you.

In summary, no you are absolutely not unreasonable to want child free me time. Of course you should have some. But you are being unreasonable by not taking control of the situation. A simple solution would be to have your DH take your daughter out for a few hours and then have one of your older kids on standby to take her to a movie or watch netflix at home with her so your DH doesn't have to cope a full day. It wouldnt even be ready babysitting, just spending time with their little sister.

In future someone here mentioned exam marking which might be good. I'm not in the UK, but I'm currently on maternity leave and I do a lot of online surveys when I get chance. It doesn't amount to much but would certainly get enough to take myself out for coffee (which is what I use it for).

Apologies, I’d missed that update/drip feed. I only saw you mention he said he hadn’t had a break if he had her for a few hours. If she’s 6 surely he could do a couple of hours watching her play at soft play or something, then home for lunch and some quiet play / a movie afternoon?

@BudgetBuster Like we have Netflix!!! 😄 🤣 😂 😆

Then in not being funny why did he choose to have a child in his 40 s ? Many people either severe illnesses manage to look after there child daily people are giving you options but your not willing to accept them

@essexmam89 Because we didn't have a crystal ball to tell us his spine would collapse six weeks after the birth of his one and only child?!!! Or was it his fault that he and his first wife weren't able to have much-wanted children together?
Ageist and ableist. How unpleasant.

If you read the posts the back issues started after their child was born and he had to be rushed to hospital, so I guess no one could have predicted this.

Other jobs to look at - hospital schools, different sen schools (not all are as you describe), possibly setting up on your own and skipping the agency, offering respite care in the evenings.

Is there an issue with the eldest children and your husband? You don't seem to have much involvement with them (or is this down to your ex?).
Your husband otherwise could take DD out for the morning, then have a rest while one of your older kids steps in, and then take over again. Playing board games should be manageable or watching TV.

You could get Netflix?

@BudgetBuster the thing is I’m sort of here myself, with a very different set of circumstances but a lot of the time anything obvious has been thought of already.

I am afraid I do think accusing someone of ‘making excuses’ is a bit rude; she isn’t a fifteen year old who hasn’t handed in her Maths homework and tbh doesn’t have to justify or explain herself (although she has, politely.)

It can be a bit stressful when you get several pages of well meant suggestions but then if they just don’t work posters can become petulant and rather disagreeable and it turns the thread sour.

😂😂 Can you see what I mean by excuses 😂😂 Bloody hell surely you have something that she can watch with her brother(s) hovering in the room (my mistake but you said you wanted to bingewatch so I made an assumption)

@Moonnstarz It's mainly about houses with the boys, especially the eldest when back from uni. My ex-husband was financially abusive and coercively controlling and I do get it - here is a 3-bed (privately rented as we can't afford to buy) with smallish bedrooms, whereas they have a wing each at dad's, pool table, swimming pool, hot tub.
I was warned about this before I "dared" to leave.
My middle son loves being here (they have always had their own rooms) and lots of love and support from all of the family.
But money talks and controls.

But tbf the explanations don't make sense for the most part. I'm not the only person who has suggested "excuses" but I'll take one for the team. We have used the words excuses because the explanations don't make sense to the majority of posters here and there are lots of ways to overcome to get one full day.

I'm not petulant 😂 Are you referring to yourself?