To want one child-free day where I can do something for me?

[FunPartyIdeas]

I tutor term-time only but have a 6 yo of my own. No pay in school holidays so very limited re holidays and days out.
AIBU to want just one child-free day? Or even afternoon? Or am I being selfish in wanting that little break?

I agree as there are a lot of reasons why you can't do things and not all questions are being answered.

What does your husband do for work for example? I asked if he was self employed as why can't he use all his holiday entitlement and take a day with DD?

You have thrown in he is disabled but there are a lot of disabled mums out there who have to get on with things. Surely on a good day he could take her out to the park in the morning (she plays, he sits and watches on a bench) then come home and watch a film or play board games together.

Your excuse of your mum also seems off. My mum is late 70s now and looked after my niece after school every day too. She also had her in holidays 3 days a week while my brother worked.
Why don't you see your mum in the holidays and why can't she help? It does seem to me a bit odd you expect her to help every day while you are at work and see her fit enough for that but then don't see her at all in the holidays!

It must be around £38000 though at £32 per hour working 9-4 deducting a 30 mins lunch break each day.

I just can’t imagine how this isn’t achievable.
‘morning dd, today I’d like to binge watch tv on my own. So you get to play whatever you want for as long as you want, and if you want to go out, daddy can take you. I just need some peace and quiet today, so I’ll look forward to hearing about your day at dinner.’

Your husband. I know he has a back condition but there is no reason you can't go out for the morning and then come back for the afternoon to an empty house to binge watch something while he takes her to see family. 6 year olds aren't toddlers who require a lot of bending and lifting - mine will game, watch TV or build Lego if someone pops in and out and provides snacks.

@Moonnstarz I work 5 hrs a day, travelling between homes. 9.30 - 3.30 to fit with daughter. No pay for travelling time/a lunch. No fuel costs.
If a student notifies me 24 hrs or more in advance they are not attending for any reason then also no pay. With children out of mainstream this obviously happens very frequently. So your figures are unfortunately way off.

@Moonnstarz I do see my mum, but she won't do childcare in the holdiays (unless an emergency) as I am off work. So my child, my responsibilty sort of thing.
She has her every day in term-time but only so I can work. I finish at 3.30 so try to be with her by 4 to collect. travel permitting.

@OnlyUsername His family live over an hour away so that's not possible, but he could stay in with her while I go out.

im not getting why it’s not possible for him to take your dd to his family for a weekend day so that you can get your day off? Can he not drive?

I assume not because he could leave at 12 and be there for half 1 latest.

@arethereanyleftatall That would mean about 3 hrs driving in one day which is often very difficult for him. He has an automatic and will put on his knee brace, but still it causes a lot of pain, especially the next day. I will ask him.

Is it him saying this means he can't look after his own child, or are you assuming? When did this disability start - after you had your DD? Using a stick to aid mobility shouldn't excuse someone from parenting, it's pretty shoddy.

I am not unsympathetic but there is a lot of ‘can’t’ in your posts. But it’s effectively actually choices.

You are a teacher but don’t want to go back to teaching which would give you job security, pay through the full year, significantly more money, and the ability therefore to pay for more childcare.

With a DH who is incapacitated at times and not an especially high earner I’d be prioritising my own income and looking at him working more flexible if possible.

I’m not saying it’s easy but there is a kind of ‘helpless’ undertone to your posts and you are a clearly intelligent, articulate, able woman who could do other things.

That’s not to say your job isn’t valuable and rewarding and should be paid properly but that’s a separate argument.

@MsPrufrockk He woke up one morning 6 weeks after our little girl was born to find he couldn't go to the toilet. Blue lighted for emergency spinal surgery and a very long recovery process afterwards. He has good days and very bad days. Bad days (most often in winter) mean he struggles to walk unaided and it is not unusual to get bouts of him crying with the pain, despite all the meds. He is also prone to falls, especially on bad days. Had one on his way up the steps at work a few weeks back and ended up in A&E again 😞

You're seperated at least 11 years, and you give a toss what the ex says about your household? It's not stress if you ignore him.

Best of luck but with all your made up excuses, it really doesn't seem you'll get the break unfortunately.

You are not unreasonable to want it, but unless you can swap time with the other parent, it’s unreasonable to think you can have it. Having kids is basically sacrificing your own needs for a very long time.

@BudgetBuster You've never met my ex. Thankfully. It would all kick off and that's not fair on anyone. He took me to court over schools and vaccinations ffs!!

I think you’ve been very polite in the face of a couple of extremely rude posts, @FunPartyIdeas .

Vaccination are a fucking legitimate reason to take someone to court (it's a major medical decision that both parents get input into). A 16 yr old babysitting isn't.

But that's just one excuse. On this thread you've said (not verbatim quotes);

• Your husband takes your daughter one2one for a few hours but that's not enough
• You don't just want a break, you want to go shopping and have no money
• You won't ask your husband for money / contribute more because it's not his job (so effectively you cover all childcare by virtue of working less)
• You look after a friends kid but won't ask her to reciprocate on a weekend
• Your husband can't / won't look after yiur daughter a whole day or even long enough for you to binge watch
• you can't be bothered asking your teen to babysit for a few gours which is perfectly normal
• You won't return to a better paid teaching position to increase your available funds

I've probably missed loads but pretty much none of the above are rational reasons... even a combination of some would get you the time you want.

Earlier you said you work full time. 5 hrs a day term time only is not what most people would describe as full time.

TBH I'm not surprised you aren't being flooded with offers of help/ childcare.

Out of interest how do you spend your time on the very frequent occassions a client cancels with 24 hrs notice and your daughter is at school?

I'd post some more helpful stuff about your DH applying for PIP and some different employment opportunities for holidays that would fit in with your current work (I work in a similar area) but I'm pretty sure you'd find a reason why it wouldn't work and I'm starting to wonder what you are hoping to achieve from this thread.

Why not? Have you actually asked her about this? It just seems off that you use her every day and she is happy to do this rather than using an after school club at least some of the time yet school holidays are a complete no.

I do agree with others that you have a lot of excuses of why you can't do things and it seems whatever is suggested cannot be changed.
To me your job doesn't actually sound that great then, would you be better off working as a HLTA or cover supervisor? (I am speaking as someone who was a teacher and now works as a TA so have dealt with a significant drop in income and can understand why you are reluctant to return to a class teacher role).

What do you do with your DD over the holidays, I know you have said finance is an issue. I am very lucky but my daughter goes to a holiday camp for £22 9 to 4 while we work, and certainly compared to the cost of some of these attractions it compares pretty favourably!

The other thing is if it is not realistic to have a full day, to catch mini breaks, I know mine is older at 8 but by 6 she had been been able to entertain herself for a couple of hours at a time (and would not have been concerned about me binge watching and eating junk food).

@pastabest Desperately searching for supply last minute so I don't lose too much money? Sessions can only be a max of 2.5 hrs so you tell me how extra hours are possible. I'd love to know 😀

She isn’t on trial here, @BudgetBuster .

@Moonnstarz I did HLTA for a bit. The pay was worse and I was expected to teach classes daily as I am qualified (but on HLTA rate).

@isthisaplum Not when my ex was refusing all vaccines.