To contact social services?

[DramaKarmaLlama]

We live on an estate and my daughter plays with a little girl sometimes who is 7. We were sat in the garden and the little girl said to me “I had a bath last night. I stayed at my grandads for the first time and he nearly touched my private’s while washing me” I said have you told your mummy? Only mummies are allowed to do that and just while washing. She then got a bit upset and started saying it was only nearly and while he was washing her, so I left it.
her mum isn’t very approachable and I’ve had a couple of run ins with her, so I’m not sure it’s something I could bring up with her.

what do I do with this information?

And you would be badly letting this child down.

No wonder so many child abuse cases happen without people raising the alarm.

It is always better to be safe than sorry.

A child feeling the need to tell a stranger that her grand father bathed her and nearly touched her private parts is extremely odd and should absolutely be reported so it can be investigated.

Report it to her school. An adult whom she trusts can then do some direct work with her & the DSL can decide whether to report or not. Seriously, leave it to the professionals.

It really is not a 'tough call' and it is not for the OP to investigate or further question the child.

She needs to report it to professionals who know how to deal sensitively with these situations.

I must say I am absolutely appalled by the some of the comments on this thread and the people who think it is OK just to ignore this.

I agree with what you’re saying about not all parts of people’s bodies needing to be washed specifically all the time.
Plus I think some posters are being a bit harsh on you by criticising what you said in response to the girl. You were completely put on the spot in an unexpected and difficult situation! I think you did pretty well to say what you did, (even if it wasn’t the exact perfect thing to say looking back, but hardly any of us would say the exactly appropriate response when put on the spot like that!).

i would agree. @DramaKarmaLlama your last update is really telling and i hope that all of us on this post saying you are right to report this gives you confidence in doing so. There can be patterns of abuse and neglect in families that pass from generation to generation and sometimes sadly even those who have received abuse from their parent can put their own children in the same situation. Luckily its down to SS to make that judgement call ,not those of us who report it.

@LemonPenguinYes! He’s in his early 30s, lives with his mum and is a nice guy but the little girl has let herself into his house a few times. I hear her mum shouting all the time at the kids, albeit not anything abusive or swearing but it’s like she only has one volume when talking to them and it’s shouting. The little girl is always well present though, with her hair done nicely and new clothes all the time.

@NorthernPawsThank you! It was exactly that, I was put on the spot and I was just trying to think of the most child friendly way of what I was trying to say. I just feel like it must have seemed off to her for her to have even mentioned it, otherwise surely she would have thought nothing of it.

@MsPrufrockk nope I’m absolutely minging, I haven’t even had a bath thinking about it in months!

This
Once i towel dried my child whp was being silly then said you touched my butt cheek in horror.
Interpret what you like but tread carefully as a easy acussation.

However tricky mention to the mum.

I would be concerned about the fact that she got upset. Why did she mention this? I don't think it's just mom.who can wash a child.

Omg. Just saw about the next door neighbour finding her in his house. If I were him.i would be worried . I would report. Let the professional decide what to do. I would not wait till she goes back to school.

Definitely report it to SS. Yes, it might turn out that there’s nothing untoward going on, but there are red flags here. Particularly, as others have said, why would an NT 7 year old need help with washing her privates?

And also the fact she told you what she did is very worrying.

Children need adults to advocate for them.

Not saying grandad shouldn’t help a child wash, but it is a bit odd as she doesn’t seem to know him or stay with him regularly. The fact she’s blurting it out to you probably means on some level 1) she trusts you and 2) it made her uncomfortable. She might not really understand how she’s feeling or be able to put it into words, but you should definitely report it. It might be nothing, it might be something but you should definitely air on the side of caution and report.

To be fair, I think the bigger concern is that a 7 year old girl has wandered into the home of a man she is not related to and ended up in his bedroom!

Yes I am glad someone else mentioned this.

There is a lot of concern regarding the granddad but it's quite alarming that the 7 year old was able to leave the house and then end up in a strange man's bedroom. Did this ever get reported?!

Editing to add, the comment was that this is a nice man, but is there something about the 7 year old that meant she sought out the man?

There are alarm bells ringing to me now that she was in a strange man's bedroom, talks about grandad nearly touching her privates - both of these behaviours are concerning.

my son is 11 and I get him to bend over if he’s done a mucky shit but I don’t really wash his willy. It just gets clean when he’s sat in the bath or he’ll sponge it himself.
What?? Youshould not be wiping your 11 year old son's arse inder any circumstances!!
Mumsnet is a weird place - wiping an 11 year olds butt, washing a 7 year olds privates, ive just seen on another thread applying suncream to a 12 year olds face!
These are all things a child needs to be doing for themselves at the earliest opportunity. Even if they can't do it perfectly to begin with they will learn. It is so bad for their self esteem and blurs the lines around bodily autonomy.

I think that you are right to be suspicious especially as she is 7 and probably more than capable of washing herself.

My 6 year old DGD washes herself indepedantly (apart from her v long v curly hair) I just supervise when she's with me as do her parents when she's at home.

@DramaKarmaLlama
Was your son not taught to wipe himself ?!