To contact social services?

[DramaKarmaLlama]

We live on an estate and my daughter plays with a little girl sometimes who is 7. We were sat in the garden and the little girl said to me “I had a bath last night. I stayed at my grandads for the first time and he nearly touched my private’s while washing me” I said have you told your mummy? Only mummies are allowed to do that and just while washing. She then got a bit upset and started saying it was only nearly and while he was washing her, so I left it.
her mum isn’t very approachable and I’ve had a couple of run ins with her, so I’m not sure it’s something I could bring up with her.

what do I do with this information?

As I said it starts with "nearly".

She DID talk to someone about it,duh!

A father/grandfather helping a child wash is not necessarily wrong or automatically abuse!

it could be something as simple as helping her wipe the bubbles off before getting out.

if the OP feels something is off, then it should be reported, but that doesn’t make it automatically wrong

She would also ask her dad. She probably would ask her grandad if he babysat or did bath time. It’s not inherently wrong and doesn’t automatically make a grandad “creepy”

Report to her school. Don’t wait until September - someone at the school will be contactable for monitoring safeguarding issues over the summer holidays. Probably the head/deputy head.

Absolutely report it.

It is a very odd and random thing for a child to say to a stranger.

She bought it up with you because it bothers her. That it bothers you is a second flag.

I would call nspcc/SS yes. Trust your instincts, and no, a grandfather doesn't usually wash a 7 yo. Fuck all these posters protesting sexism, it doesn't really happen. 7 yos don't need help to wash except for hair. Why did she need a bath at his anyway?

I wouldn't tell the mum, she might dismiss or minimise. You don't know her position or if she'd do anything, and your job is to safeguard the child.

I’m sorry but no grandfather should be helping a seven year old girl get washed. Most decent men would not want to involved in this and if there was no choice then I would expect they would trust granddaughter to do the best she can on her own. He’s not there to teach her how to wash or oversee she does it correctly. As a mother I would be extremely uncomfortable with this scenario - I’m usually quite relaxed about other things, not this though

If grandfather wants to help granddaughter then he should teach her the value of privacy

I am sorry but you think fathers washing daughters newborn and up until they no longer need assistance is wrong! Seriously. Why did you have a child or marry a man you think is a danger to them. My sons grandad (paternal side) has numerous granddaughters and has I imagine bathed them when they were younger. Not all men are perverts

Edit to add my dad probably bathed me as a kid as well and he certainly never abused me! And sons other grandad has 4 daughters who he also I imagine bathed and none of them seem to worry about him with children.

How convenient that you’ve had a ‘couple of run ins’ with her Mum and now her child has completely randomly confided in you. I’ve been teaching for 16 years and haven’t had a child make a disclosure of a sexual nature in all those years. I’ve got 4 children, all of whom had friends around, so I’ve been around children that trust me, regularly for basically all my adult life and have yet to have a disclosure like this made to me.

Just report it, you know you’re going to anyway.

Before anyone comes at me, of course I know this COULD have happened. Hence why I said to report it just to be on the safe side but come on, what are the odds?

Edited to add; it wasn’t your place to tell her to what should and should not happen. I appreciate you may not be trained but common sense would dictate that surely. You’ve potentially told her something confusing. I had to wash my son’s penis and anus when he was older than 7. If he were to have told a stranger then I would expect them to raise concerns and then I could have explained to the relevant people why that was completely necessary and why a GP advised it, case closed. A virtual stranger wouldn’t know that and I wouldn’t appreciate them making confusing comments to my child.

Yes and? I’m trying to help the poster not shut down conversations in future by saying “only mummies” do xyz because I know 2 people who were abused by women….

Edited becsuse i didnt read the op properly. I would speak to tge mum
Why on earth did you i tellher that it was ok for mums to wash privates of older girls. Seven is not a small child!

No member of school staff has to discuss Safeguarding concerns with a parent before reporting those concerns. They do need to tell the DSL, who will ask them to write down what happened.

Exactly! Is it the 50s? Should only mums do childcare or else it's a safeguarding concern?

@Vye1988 what on earth are you ottering about? My DH baths my daughter all the time. I never said I think he’s a danger to them. Not all men are perverts, no. But look up statistics how many children are sexually abused by adults who are meant to care for them and I think you will
be surprised. You are projecting from your personal experience, as I am from mine, which is unfortunately different from yours.

"nearly" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here!

It wouldn't even occur to me to report this. I think you're allowing your previous experiences, which I am sorry to hear about, to colour your judgement here.

I don’t think only mums should wash their children, FFS! I was just taken aback by her saying her grandad “nearly” touch her privates. If a child is sat in a bath their bits get a clean anyway so why do they need to be wiped if she only stays there occasionally? I don’t always wipe my own fanny and arse in the shower or bath, and it’s not infected. Jesus. I just couldn’t think of the right way to say - if he nearly touched your privates, I don’t think that’s normal. I was hoping if he tried again even she would just turn round and say no that’s my mummy’s job.

@ScarlettSarah I’m aware this is a possibility which is why I’m asking for advice as I know my judgement may well be clouded.

@Itsa10fromLen how is it convenient? Lucky you that you’ve never had anything disclosed to you - and the odds are in fact 1 in 20 children in the UK.
I haven’t reported anything yet, and if it’s not mentioned again I won’t.
I just hate the thought that this could be the start of years of abuse and I was the first person she mentioned it to.

no it wasn’t my place but I’m not trained for those kind of things and I was literally sat in my back garden on a random Thursday I wasn’t expecting her to come out with “my grandad nearly touched my privates” I would feel mortified if my daughter made the same comment to a neighbour. It was the first thing that came to mind I was that taken aback, I think I said at first have you mentioned it to mummy as that’s mummy’s job to wash you there, or words to that affect. my son is 11 and I get him to bend over if he’s done a mucky shit but I don’t really wash his willy. It just gets clean when he’s sat in the bath or he’ll sponge it himself.

What are you going to do OP?
Ring SS?

So, I've just read your (rather odd?) update. Did you have to mention your 11 year old bending over and mucky shits? and you are going to do nothing??.
I don't know about the grandad but this thread is starting to give me bad vibes.

Please make a call to social care.

They are the experts and will follow up accordingly.

You have done your bit and can safe in the knowledge that you passed the information on

X

I was responding to another person's comment. There is absolutely no need to be so absolutely rude. Also you did in the original post imply men should not bathe children! I wish I had not bothered with your post.