To contact social services?

[DramaKarmaLlama]

We live on an estate and my daughter plays with a little girl sometimes who is 7. We were sat in the garden and the little girl said to me “I had a bath last night. I stayed at my grandads for the first time and he nearly touched my private’s while washing me” I said have you told your mummy? Only mummies are allowed to do that and just while washing. She then got a bit upset and started saying it was only nearly and while he was washing her, so I left it.
her mum isn’t very approachable and I’ve had a couple of run ins with her, so I’m not sure it’s something I could bring up with her.

what do I do with this information?

The conversation went like this her - “can we get in (my DD’s) paddling pool? Me “yes but it’s dirty it needs emptying and cleaning” her “I’m clean, I had a bath last night so I can help you clean it, I stayed at my grandads for the first time and he bathed me, he nearly touched my privates” that’s how it came about and it took me aback. I’d be the same if my daughter came out with something.

You need to report OP. There are red flags.

• that should feel the need to tell you, an almost stranger being biggest
• that she is being washed at her age
• by a family member she doesn't normally stay with

-that she became defensive when you mention her mum

OP, you're in a really unfortunate position here because, as you say, it might be something it might be nothing, but it's on you, the adult to say/do something. If it's nothing, sure some feeling might be hurt, there will be some awkwardness, but we as a society will never come close to controlling CSA unless people like you are willing to do what needs to be done, and push through that discomfort. Children can't do it by themselves. You know as well as I do that CSA isn't the boogie man, it's in the walls. Its happening right now behind closed doors in thousands of homes. Please raise it with someone. ❤️

@DramaKarmaLlama you need to pass on the information to SS, stating the facts only (so exactly as told to you). It’s then out of your hands. They will, hopefully, investigate.

If the parent is unapproachable, avoid going to her. And even if she isn’t, you could run the risk of her just batting it away as nothing. It’s not her right to do this. The child always comes first.

A seven year old can also wash themselves in the bath. Maybe just a little help rinsing out the shampoo.

Yes, that’s concerning. Sounds like he’s testing the water. Gaining her trust first that it’s safe to bath at Granddads. Until one day it isn’t.

Or it could have been an accident.

But it needs investigating and if it is something of concern, even if first dismissed, he’s aware that the authorities are on to him. Hopefully a deterrent. And puts enough doubt in the mum’s mind, to never send her there again.

I agree with this. Trust your instincts. Hopefully it’s nothing but you don’t know.

You have said about your personal experience but I don’t think it’s making you overreact, I think it’s making you more aware that these things happen.

Your wording was unfortunate but you weren’t expecting that conversation. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

I would definitely report it. I was babysitting for an agency a few years ago and was very troubled by something the mum told me. I reported it to the NSPCC and they thought it was very worrying, too. They asked for a lot of information and then dealt with it. Obviously I wasn't told what happened as a result, but I couldn't rest knowing what had happened.

It's better that you report and it turns out to be nothing, than to not report and then hhear later that the GF is a paedophile .

What run ins have you had with the mum?

At 7, she’s old enough to wash her own privates, surely?

You must report this OP.

It is totally inappropriate for an adult that doesn’t usually care for a child to be washing around that area. By that age children shouldn’t need any assistance to wash their body either (unless of course there is SEND).

You also have no way of knowing what course of action, if any the mum will take. You cannot trust her to react appropriately and do what she needs to do to make sure her child’s safe. I’m not saying she wouldn’t protect her child but you also don’t know that she will.

Hopefully it’s a nothing but you have to report it so that it’s in the hands of the professionals, god forbid something untoward was going on and you didn’t report it, you’d never forgive yourself.

@DramaKarmaLlama I echo the other posters about following your instincts ( you are right to check it out further ) ….but this is just a plea from a health professional .Telling a young child that “only mummies “ can do something can be very problematic- if a child had to see a Dr or was in hospital being taken care of by nurses , they may well be dealt with by male staff…and as others have said, plenty of people have male relatives who care for them ( my husband had to give my child anal suppositories as I couldn’t do it at the time)….and sadly sometimes even mums do bad things to their children. The main thing is to ask open questions so something like” how did you feel about that” and you could empasise that if ever she feels uncomfortable she should talk to someone about it .

Christ - don’t get sidetracked by people picking out bits of your OP and what you said

You report it to social services. Tell them what you’ve been told and leave it with them. They’ll make their own enquiries

whatever you do, don’t ignore it

Report it. If SS/NSPCC thinks it's nothing they will ignore it. However, if there is a recorded history of abuse it will raise alarm bells and they are best placed to deal with it.

Good lord the people on here saying to just tell the mom and only report it if the child says anything more! This is how abuse persists. A child mentions something like this because it feels wrong to them and it is, it’s a man testing her boundaries and she felt it was wrong. I haven’t put a hand in the bath/shower to wash my 7 year old in years, he can wash himself. Particularly when in the bath there is absolutely no need to go putting your hands in to wash a child if they’re sitting in bath water that’s already cleaning their privates. The most I do is wash hair, face etc. or scrub off any mud on knees etc. and that’s with my toddler, certainly not a seven year old. Call social services or child line, this is a child crying out for help as she knew her boundaries were being crossed and something was wrong, but at 7 she can’t articulate that feeling fully.

A 7 year old being washed at all rings alarm bells itself. Unless obvious/ significant SEN that should not be happening. Not alone the almost being touched inappropriately.
A 7 year old being helped to have hair washed, an adult getting last of bubbles out is the most any adult she be getting hands on/ involved. Definitely report.

So many things are left unreported because they are unsure whether to or not or they feel they don't know the whole story. It took me weeks to report a neighbour for his abusive mouth to his child. It waa a 5:30am wake up call to him calling his child a stupid cow for wetting the bed and getting advice from others that made me do so. Not heard him shout since. So hoping the child is safe. Basically if you ever feel something is off report. If the child is indeed in danger something will be done. If not then very little harm is done. The grandfather maybe upset but at least the child will be safe. The fact she got upset from talking about it would concern me too. So you'd be well in your right to report

I would report it, as others have said it’s odd that someone is physically washing a 7 year old, I have a 6 year old who washes himself completely independently apart from his hair and even then I just put a small amount of shampoo onto his hand for him to pop in.
I supervise by saying ‘have you washed your cheesy feet’ for example but probably haven’t had to physically wash him with a flannel/scrubbie myself since he was 4/5.

It depends on the child.

It’s also strange that she decided to tell you.

I’d report it to her school.

They start doing nspcc pants rules from reception. It’s possible grandad over saw a bath and there were no issues however I feel most 7 year olds are washing themselves and for me the fact she spoke to you is a bit odd.

It’s better for you to report and it be nothing than not report and it’s a missing jigsaw piece of a wider picture of abuse.

If a child said this to a teacher they’d have to speak to the parents to get their pov. But you can be anonymous.

Yeah but thats dad and son,not grandad and grand daughter. Thats a whole different ballgame!
Same sex in families is one thing, but fathers and grand fathers washing little girls? Seriously? Thats wrong.

It starts with washing and " nearly" touching,believe me. Get ss on the phone. Guy is a creep.

Yeah,but you are their mum not a creepy grandad!

My niece once stayed over when she was 5 and while she was getting changed for bed was telling me about what she had been told at school about who could see their privates etc. Could it be this girl has had similar conversations and that grandad wasn't on the list, that kind of thing, and so she mentioned it?

Children know to tell someone they trust, she chose you. You need to act on that trust.