To contact social services?

[DramaKarmaLlama]

We live on an estate and my daughter plays with a little girl sometimes who is 7. We were sat in the garden and the little girl said to me “I had a bath last night. I stayed at my grandads for the first time and he nearly touched my private’s while washing me” I said have you told your mummy? Only mummies are allowed to do that and just while washing. She then got a bit upset and started saying it was only nearly and while he was washing her, so I left it.
her mum isn’t very approachable and I’ve had a couple of run ins with her, so I’m not sure it’s something I could bring up with her.

what do I do with this information?

Im well aware of the statistics, I do statutory training on this annually. I don’t believe you. It’s just very coincidental that it’s a child of someone you’ve had run ins with. Also, don’t let a child that’s disclosed potential sexual abuse to you and whose Mum you’ve had run ins with get in the paddling pool, partially dressed with your own child. Refrain from giving incorrect / confusing advice to them when you know you haven’t been trained. Just report it already ffs. How weird that you couldn’t forgive yourself but are now leaning towards not reporting it. People do make malicious complaints you know. These people are somewhere, they’re not in a darkened room never speaking to anyone else or posting online.

It doesn't particularly matter the details and you don't have to explain them or your response to anyone here.

As a reasonable adult, you feel something isn't right for this girl and are worried for her safely and welfare.

Pick up the phone and tell children's services what you know. They won't judge you as it could be valuable in protecting a child from harm.

@Itsa10fromLen you don’t believe me so you think I’ve made this up, yet I’ve posted on Mumsnet for advice rather than just doing this apparent malicious report? I don’t believe you’re a teacher and I don’t believe you do training of any kind 😅

Honestly it’s unreal how hysterical some women become over stuff like this. Why do they need to say whether they think it’s right or wrong? Just give OP your opinion on whether to report it or not. I think OP is looking for attention because obviously you report anything like this surely without making a post? And then you let the experts decide whether it took place, the context, whether it was appropriate etc. Goodness, me what a palaver over something that really needs to be passed on to someone else to worry about.

Ok. I’m not offended, it’s weird to take everything people write anonymously at face value anyway so you’re wise not to believe me.

I agree with this. She trusted you. She told you. She didn’t (presumably) tell her parent. I’d go straight to Social Services. They’ll investigate. It could be innocent and find, but if it’s not, that girl needs help.

To be on the safe side I would report to the school - ask to speak to the designated safeguarding lead (DSL). If you email the head or admin someone might pick up the email even though it’s school holidays. If you can’t get through, call the local council safeguarding team - the number will be on your council’s website.

Yeah, agreed. I'd be more inclined to report someone for talking like that about an 11 year old. It's weird.

Unfortunately I always automatically think the worst because of my experiences with men. I would probably probe her and ask if he’s done anything like that before. It’s a really tough call..

I meant “innocent and fine” - typo.

I think you should report it (and not to the mum as the girl hadn’t chosen to tell her mum so I assume thinks her mum won’t take action against her own father (presumably it’s her father)).

Id report it to SS or the school. I wouldnt say a word about it again to the child or her mother or your child. Just report and leave it there. Anything else you might say will cause issues.

Assuming your thread is genuine obvs. I think its odd tbh for a 7yo to talk about "privates" - neither of my two would say that. Nor was I "wiping front to back" my dd in the bath when she was 7. Odd.

OP you’ve had some odd and aggressive responses on this post. It’s really good you want to help this little girl. Reporting to school is a good shout - they may have other info/ impressions to put together with this - and as others have said, it sounds like there’s a possibility her mum
might minimise it.
@Itsa10fromLen it seems odd to me that you’ve never had a disclosure in all that time. You seem very critical of OP but not very reflective on your own practice.

I said have you told your mummy? Only mummies are allowed to do that and just while washing

That’s also weird, frankly. At 7yo, barring SN, a child should be washing themselves and only needing assistance with hair, so telling her that only her mum should be washing her genitalia in the bath is also inappropriate.

Haha it’s not odd at all. It isn’t happening to every child and the children it is happening to have a plethora of people to disclose to usually. It’s more odd that she chose to do it at the house of someone her Mum has regular ‘run ins’ with. In fact even her being there is odd if you ask me. 7 is very young to be at someone else’s house in a paddling pool! The whole thing is weird. I’m an excellent teacher and I’ve had plenty of non sexual abuse related disclosures. The OP is erring towards not reporting anyway so lots of fuss about something she is going to do nothing about.

School's shut and the council will have a 24/7 line. Phone them.

OP, the consequences and fall out of you reporting and being wrong, are so much less than if you fail to do so, and your initial instinct was right. Don’t hesitate and over think it.

There has been something about it that has made the girl bring it up to you. On that basis, i would report it.

@Itsa10fromLen It’s a council estate and her mum
more or less just lets her out of the house on her bike from morning until evening, and only goes looking for her if she isn’t back by 7-8pm. She often sits in my neighbours garden (who doesn’t have kids) he’s woken up to find her at his bedside one morning! I often get the impression she doesn’t get as much attention as she should as she is very clingy with my children, if DH has answered when she’s come round knocking for my kids and I’ve been out with them so they’re not home, she’s stood at our door and cried. A lot of the kids on our street often end up in each other’s gardens/houses, but they seem to always end up at ours.

We are only a few doors down. I haven’t had “regular run in’s” with her mum, just a couple of times we’ve had disagreements over things with our kids (she’s said my kids were at fault and vice versa) and she’s quite aggressive in her mannerisms but that’s it.
I don’t know any more than you did why she said what this post is about. It was a very random thing to come out with and I wish I wasn’t on my own without DH when she said it as I can’t get anyone else’s opinion on how they think it was said.

@CalmGreenWaspThats a good point - thank you

You don't always wash yourself in the bath? 🤢

Your male next door neighbour has woken to find this 7 year old by his bedside? The family of this girl are neglectful. The bath comment suggests this child is tentatively raising something that felt odd/uncomfortable/wrong to her to an adult outside of the situation to see if she’s validated in feeling it was wrong. Please report this OP. This little girl will soon learn ‘my family don’t care. Other adults don’t care either when I try to tell them’ otherwise.

She got upset entirely as a result of the OP, and the OP saying something that didnt happen in response to the story of what did happen.

Are you suggesting that she should just ignore? Why are you having a go at the OP? She has been put in an incredibly sensitive and difficult position here.

Given the seriousness of this post, how is this bloody relevant? Wow.

No. It isn't the OPs job to prove her.
Her job is to pass on to social care.