Boomer parents who don't help their children

[hoarderofthedough]

I will preface this by saying that my own Boomer parents DID help me and my sibling, and I will be forever grateful. They were wonderful.

BUT.....my DH's mother, on the other hand is the opposite, and it's giving me the rage. I wondered whether anyone else had experienced similar?

She is super rich, and by that I mean a multi millionaire. She lives in a 6 bed mansion, has around 8 properties that she rents out, providing an income of circa £10k a month, and she lavishes it ALL on herself and her boyfriend.

Her daughter (my SIL) lives in a tiny house in an awful (dangerous) part of town, and doesn't have a pot to piss in. Scrimping and saving, not able to put the heating on in winter, no treats ever - and all the while MIL is jet setting to exotic holidays, always in business class....with not one thought for her DD and grandkids welfare.

On the rare occasions we meet up for a meal, MIL will let DH and SIL pay. Or at best the bill will be split - but never are we treated with her paying. However, she is very happy to treat her boyfriend to lots of things.

She's almost 80 now, and still has no thoughts of gifting money to avoid inheritance tax.

Anyone else experience this? I find it truly baffling, because if I was in her position I would be filtering down money to my adult kids regularly.

It might have been that under right to buy, I guess, but I think that people in Fife were paying 16k for a two bed terraced council house at that time (under right to buy, that is, if they'd been long-term tenants).

I'm not in a 'good' area, but there might have been some places in Fife that were cheaper, I guess. I recall that there were some flats that no one wanted that were selling for 11k at one point - they had flat roofs and were in a bad area. (Plus there had been a notorious gang murder in the block.)

They were eventually demolished.

You're misunderstanding. No violin required.

The point is that we didn't expect to have a home in 'move-in condition' in those days.

I guess that there's a different mindset - and it's good that people have higher expectations, I guess - but I remember being astonished that young couples at work were moving straight into large family homes when they got married and ripping out the kitchens and bathrooms as soon as they moved in.

Those of us who are older tended to do everything in small increments. As I said, no violin needed - we just had lower expectations.

Please, this is actually insulting. Next thing you’ll be saying that young people need to cut back on lattes and avocado on toast. Your generation is so utterly detached from the reality of the challenges facing young people now. You had the absolute best of the long arc of post war economic growth. You have taken and taken and taken and then pulled up the ladder behind you. But there is going to be a reckoning, because the younger generation are not going to put up with this level of wealth disparity for much longer.

Selfish. I'd get more pleasure seeing my children not struggle. I mean, do you really £10k a month to really enjoy your life?!
Thank Christ we are all different.

On the plus side the Boomers are now rapidly dying out and that forces a transfer of their wealth, whether by inheritance or taxation. They can’t take it with them, although they certainly would if they could.

I’d really love to pop you in a time machine so you could see the kind of places some of us lived in.

We haven’t “taken and taken and taken”. We’ve played the cards we were dealt. Worked for several decades, paid taxes, bought a house, raised a family, contributed to a pension scheme, contributed to society. In what world is that “taking and taking and taking”?

Gosh.
The bitterness and vitriol. Wishing death on a whole generation.

I got nothing from my parents except my education and wedding expenses. Mum's house may likely be sold to pay for her care, as women in our family live into their late 90s. I don"t grudge her that. DH is a first gen immigrant so he too will get nothing he can use in this country.
Meanwhile my friend has inherited a 4 bed house in Wimbledon. I don"t grudge her that either!

I will help my kids as much as I can with house deposits and childcare, but if they display such vitriol and hate towards older people, I will tell them off. Luckily, they are not whiny and entitled.

Incidentally, it’s pretty obvious that someone who’s worked for the thick end of half a century and saved is going to be wealthier than someone just starting out. It was ever thus. And our kids know this, they also know that care home fees permitting they’ll benefit.

Sounds like this woman in the OP will probably have it buried with her. I’m a boomer so a bit insulted at your on the plus side they’re dying out. I’m 64 and my kids are in their 20s (I had them in my early 40s). Hopefully I’ve got a good few years ahead of me yet. I think people are forgetting not all boomers are 80!

What an awful post. To wish death on a whole generation. You might want to look back in history and look a some of the laws and protections that boomers fought for and from which subsequent generations are still benefiting from. The young of every generation struggle - that’s the way it is until you get on your feet.

I didn't drink lattes or order avocado on toast as a matter of course in my 20s...instead I was working 2 jobs and saving up for a house deposit. Eventually I bought a tiny 2 bed terrace and it was nothing fancy - me and my then partner did it up very slowly.

I know. That was a pretty horrible thing to say wasn’t it. The vitriol over an entire generation is ridiculous.

Fortunately that kind of attitude is fairly rare. Our adult kids would be as appalled as we are.

Yes. Boomers fought for the rights that I have as a Gen X, and I am grateful.
Rights in the workplace, rights over my body, rights in health care.

That poster is describing the way it was for many of us ‘boomers’. We moved in to our first home in 1979, a tiny two up and two down with what then was a huge mortgage relative to what we were earning. Interest rates shot up and stayed up so many struggled. We moved in with a bed, a wardrobe and bean bags to sit on until we could afford furniture, no central heating. The kitchen was tiny and basic - we had a cooker on HP and if I remember rightly the builders installed a total of six kitchen cupboards. We saved hard for the deposit - and yes, wouldn’t have dreamed of spending upwards of £7 on a morning coffee while we were scrimping to get the money together. The younger generation expect better, and that’s fine, but the fact is that when you’re starting out you struggle.

What's going to happen? A reign of terror a la the French Revolution? Am I going to be forcibly evicted from my two up two down terrace house by pitchfork waving mobs of younger people yelling "Die you greedy boomer bastard, die!". Will they check first to see which of the old selfish gits availed themselves of free education before this "reckoning" so that the very many who did not (me included) did not go to uni have a less severe punishment meted out. It may surprise you to learn that even though I am a vile greedy , thick selfish old person I have quite a few younger friends and I think they have a raw deal but also some of them have a much better standard of living (think two cars, bigger and better house, several holidays a year) than I have ever enjoyed. Such is life . I think that BTL has wrecked the housing market, I think that graduate debt is a scandal Out of interest, do you think that every single person in the Boomer generation had the power and influence to shape the policies that have shaped the society we are currently living in and that they all should face this "reckoning" ?

Aren't you just lovely! If the word "boomer" was substituted for any other demographic this post would (hopefully) be deleted for discrimination. The ageism on here is breathtaking at times.

Enjoy that care home you’ll be in soon. Your housing equity will probably fund quite a nice one and no doubt there will be a load of young people on minimum wage running around after you.

No of course not. It’s a generalisation of a generation and not every individual is like that. Some boomers are extremely generous and some actually understand the plight of younger people. As it stands, the working population cannot continue to fund the public pension burden at its current levels. We also need to unlock the housing market and that includes tackling older people hanging on to large houses needed for young families. I’d favour policies to encourage changing behaviours, but failing that we will have to start forcing things. As I said, boomers are dying out and their political strength will only decrease over the next few years. Politicians of all stripes have pandered to them for far too long.

My boomer relative once called me up to give me some good advice. I was helping my DM to sell her house to move to a retirement apartment. There was a delay on the apartment end.

Here is how out of touch some of the boomer generation are:

”Hi solarmagnetsandwich. I’ve just spoken to your DM. It would be really bad if her house sale chain fell through, so I’ve told her why don’t you buy the retirement flat for her, and she can pay you back when her own house sales goes through?”

She thought I’d have a SPARE £200,000 in cash just sitting in my account that I could breezily lend to my mother.

Tone deaf.

failing that we will have to start forcing things.

Good luck with that. Who’s “we”? You sound like Wolfie Smith. 😂

My boomer father is taking all my mentally ill brothers benefit money (apparently to pay back some kind of debt he owes him).
My brother is living in a van in the snow and has just been admitted to hospital from cold and starvation.
Boomer father lives in a multi million pound house and spends his life travelling business class around the world.
I pray for his death.

What a horrible bitter comment. We could all end up in a care home regardless of being a boomer or not. I pity the minimum wage staff of the one you’ll end up in.

Well, he sounds awful.
But there are plenty of awful people in all generations.

The triple lock will be the first to go. Then means testing on pensions. Reforms to inheritance tax are also on the way. You’ve had it good, but fortunately your time is drawing to a close and that’s a good thing.