Boomer parents who don't help their children

[hoarderofthedough]

I will preface this by saying that my own Boomer parents DID help me and my sibling, and I will be forever grateful. They were wonderful.

BUT.....my DH's mother, on the other hand is the opposite, and it's giving me the rage. I wondered whether anyone else had experienced similar?

She is super rich, and by that I mean a multi millionaire. She lives in a 6 bed mansion, has around 8 properties that she rents out, providing an income of circa £10k a month, and she lavishes it ALL on herself and her boyfriend.

Her daughter (my SIL) lives in a tiny house in an awful (dangerous) part of town, and doesn't have a pot to piss in. Scrimping and saving, not able to put the heating on in winter, no treats ever - and all the while MIL is jet setting to exotic holidays, always in business class....with not one thought for her DD and grandkids welfare.

On the rare occasions we meet up for a meal, MIL will let DH and SIL pay. Or at best the bill will be split - but never are we treated with her paying. However, she is very happy to treat her boyfriend to lots of things.

She's almost 80 now, and still has no thoughts of gifting money to avoid inheritance tax.

Anyone else experience this? I find it truly baffling, because if I was in her position I would be filtering down money to my adult kids regularly.

But I do have enough to choose. That is because of the work I've done and the choices I have made. I haven't done menial jobs for 35 years, although I did do them once, because I earned quite well once I worked out my sellable strengths.

Never said she was born into poverty. Can’t see the point of your post. Fundamentally, child falls on hard times (regardless of circumstances). Parent who is very wealthy chooses not to help them. That’s it really. Values that are totally alien to me, but it’s interesting to see.

This thread is about an adult who decided to go travelling for years and now she’s settled down wants bailing out. That’s literally the whole point here and she was not someone born into poverty and struggling to get out of it, she put herself there. Shame she didn’t think about what would happen when she had children the same way as she expects her mother to think of her.

Sure and it sounds like you’ve chosen to help your child. So you’re the opposite of the OP’s MIL who is also in a position to help, but has chosen not to. Good grief, it’s not rocket science.

The expression "Boomer" is as offensive to be as the N word is to Black people.

Ok, 1970s hard scrabble: but harder than today??

Really?

Yes fine. The OP’s SIL has clearly made life choices that have set her back. But she has a mother who is very wealthy and could help her out if she chose to. What we seem to be learning from this thread is that there are two types of parents: (i) those who see their child struggling and think “tough - they made their own bed”; and (ii) those who see their child struggling and who step in to help them. To be clear, we’re talking about wealthy parents here and not parents for whom helping their children would be any sort of struggle or sacrifice. As I said, option (i) is totally alien for my family and always has been across the generations (and keep in mind that the same principle applies upwards as well as downwards).

No. The governments of my day (I’m a boomer) tended to be much older. Margaret Thatcher’s government who dominated the 80’s were of the silent generation. Before that there was Ted Heath and Harold Wilson - neither of them boomers. There have only actually been two boomer prime ministers = Blair and Brown. You’re talking shite.

You’re quite a long way behind the thread.

You weren’t correct.

Out of interest, what evidence do you have that the boyfriend isn't paying his way or even funding your MIL too? Many people are happy to let others think they fund someone when they don't. Even if the boyfriend is poor on paper, there's the possibility HE is speculating to accumulate, hoping to be a beneficiary in the end. Equally, your MIL may be exaggerating her lifestyle out of embarrassment if she's actually made poor decisions and no longer has the wealth everybody believes her to have.

I mean we were talking about the governments of the Major, Blair and Brown eras. But I can’t be bothered to debate with someone who’s popped in at this point.

The context of your post doesn’t match up with thread title. You’re implying that all ‘Boomer’ parents are rich. And they’re really not.

No. You stated that the governments of the day were all baby boomers. They weren’t. Only two PM’s were baby boomers - Blair and Brown. John Major was of the silent generation, as were all the rest. Blair and Brown were from 1997 onwards. I was actually there and lived through it, as did a lot of posters here so I’m quite happy to debate. And I haven’t popped in at any point. I’ve been here all along.

And yet you are still meeting with her, no doubt to ensure your OH gets his inheritance when she passes.

That’s the entire point. I would NOT be using them in exactly the same way the boomers do. I don’t blame them for having it good. I blame some of them for being so used to their privilege that they treat their own children appallingly. I already make huge sacrifices to desperately try to give my own children a chance. I’m massively going without year on year because I care about my children’s future. My boomer parents would never have thought about me in the same way I am doing for my own children. And no I won’t inherit boomer wealth because it all went on care home fees and they gave me zero when they were alive. Whilst I worked my ass off. There are hand many parents like them. Like the OPs.

I was also there and, as you point out, the leaders of two governments I was referring to from 1997 until 2010 were baby boomers. But this is just derailing the thread. If you’d kept up you’d know that we’ve already agreed that reference to boomers is irrelevant in the context of the point the OP is raising.

I think that’s awful you are massively going without - I’d be horrified if my parents felt they needed to do that for me. Are your dcs aware of what you are doing?

The baby boomer generation is widely considered the wealthiest generation in history. Studies by organizations like Allianz and the Pew Research Center show that boomers hold a dominant share of global and national wealth (holding over half of total household wealth in major economies like the US).

Why Boomers Accumulated Record Wealth

Cheap Housing: Bought property when real estate prices were low relative to incomes.
Market Booms: Benefited from decades of massive growth in the stock market and equity portfolios
Economic Conditions: Entered the workforce during eras of strong wage growth, low mortgage rates, and secure defined-benefit pension availability.

to be clear, in the op’s case there is no real sacrifice required. Her MIL is just actively choosing not to help in circumstances where she could easily. I guess every parent has their own line on what they’re willing to do for their children and some will sacrifice much more than others.

No and they never will be if I have my way.

Why is it "awful"? It is a responsible family-minded outlook as opposed to a selfish me-first outlook. Why wouldn't you want to support them as much as possible? The world is quite obviously becoming a more unstable place to live in. Do you not feel responsibility toward the children you chose to bring into this world to help them navigate it?

Careful, a boomer will be along in a minute to tell you that they had a mortgage interest rate of 14% (for two days).

A previous poster has already said that parental support ends at 18! 🤷🏼‍♂️

I was a boomer. I’m not rich. Wasn’t then, and not now. These are generalities. Not everyone benefited in the same way. And why is the focus on increases in property prices ? We bought in 1980 and sold in 2004. The increase meant nothing because we had to spend the same/more to buy a similar property.