Boomer parents who don't help their children

[hoarderofthedough]

I will preface this by saying that my own Boomer parents DID help me and my sibling, and I will be forever grateful. They were wonderful.

BUT.....my DH's mother, on the other hand is the opposite, and it's giving me the rage. I wondered whether anyone else had experienced similar?

She is super rich, and by that I mean a multi millionaire. She lives in a 6 bed mansion, has around 8 properties that she rents out, providing an income of circa £10k a month, and she lavishes it ALL on herself and her boyfriend.

Her daughter (my SIL) lives in a tiny house in an awful (dangerous) part of town, and doesn't have a pot to piss in. Scrimping and saving, not able to put the heating on in winter, no treats ever - and all the while MIL is jet setting to exotic holidays, always in business class....with not one thought for her DD and grandkids welfare.

On the rare occasions we meet up for a meal, MIL will let DH and SIL pay. Or at best the bill will be split - but never are we treated with her paying. However, she is very happy to treat her boyfriend to lots of things.

She's almost 80 now, and still has no thoughts of gifting money to avoid inheritance tax.

Anyone else experience this? I find it truly baffling, because if I was in her position I would be filtering down money to my adult kids regularly.

erm ok then….

Agree not all boomer parents are well off. It's this myth that younger people have.peehapa she feels that you make your own way in life

I agree with a lot of the comments. Yes it is her money. But i adore my family and would certainly be treating them now and then and do whenever i can.

Of course YANBU. People can prattle on about it being ‘her money’ until they’re blue in the face, which of course is the case, but that doesn’t stop her being a selfish money-hoarding twat.

People should just stop being poor. What’s wrong with them?

What happened that Sil decided to bring 2 children into a life of poverty, did I miss that part of the story?

We're not talking about 'people' we're talking about OP and SIL.

SIL made choices that understandably negatively impacted on her finances. "she travelled alot in her 20's and 30's, doing stuff like bar work in Greece."

She did this until she was in her 40s.

That's great, but you can't have it all ways.

I see threads like this quite often on Mumsnet. In the current environment I have supported both my kids with money for deposits. I have also supported both through college. The morals inherited from my parents would mean that I would look for them to support themselves after this point unless they had health issues. Their lifestyle is their responsibility and they should be standing on their own two feet. There is an increasing trend for children to see their parents as some ongoing personal support fund which should either continually be providing cash, or otherwise hurry up and die so that they children can get the inheritance they so richly deserve. I have friends with children in reasonably good jobs who are still paying phone bills, dentist bills and a whole load of other stuff.

The reality is that if your children do not act responsibly with money then they will suck up any money they inherit and leave nothing for the grandchildren.

In your SIL's case she had 20 years of travelling around Europe. Her choice and I am sure she had a great time. However, this was always going to have a knock on impact on her life. At some stage she will inherit, though what she will doe for her own children remains to be seen.

Well, look at it this way. I’m a boomer and my parents never helped me.

See I just find this attitude weird. "Bail out another adult" as if it's some random from the pub rather than "support your own grandchildren".

I dont get it either op. I couldnt do this. I would have to help my kids.

So should they have not used those facilities? Why aren’t you directing your anger at the governments. If you had all those things you listed you too would be using them in exactly the same way as ‘boomers’ did. You wouldn’t be thinking oh no I can’t use these because in 2066 the newer generations are going to hate me. Why you think someone born 70 year's ago has caused food bills to be a high, or even houses is ridiculous. I complained year’s ago about rising house prices because I knew where it was going, but it’s the Government and banks colluding not the man, or woman, in the street.

What about the sil’s decision to bring two kids into poverty - that’s an awful thing to do. But let’s focus on the grandmothers - make her take responsibility for her grown up daughter because it seems she can’t take responsibility for her own decisions.

Agreed. Yes, it was sooooo easy. if only I'd bought a house with a mortgage of tuppence ha'penny a week when I was 20 as apparently you could then. I'd be living the life of Riley now. I mean all of us had exactly the same opportunities and support. And we are all exactly the same. I won't be dull about my life anymore but it really wasnt as simple as people think. The majority of young (as in 20 - 35) people I know are struggling but they don't feel the need to bitch and moan about us. It's sad really

And how many adult children help their parents? Lots, but the older parent doesn’t get vilified. It’s oh how lovely helping your old mother or granny out, no one is saying how dare granny get a bit of help. How come that’s ok but not when it’s the parent helping the adult child.

I’m not sure it’s a generational thing rather than individuals, albeit the boomers are the ones who have ridden extraordinary housing market gains and destroyed the housing market for younger people. My own in laws have always been extraordinarily generous. But I know others in a similar position who seem to think that parenting ends at 18.

Hardly any adults help their adult parents. They couldn't possibly because they have 'their own lives' and shove their parents in a 'nice care home'.

Then, they seek a solicitor to talk about the money they are entitled to from their vulnerable parents who are now navigating elder abuse from strangers and their own children and grandchildren.

Meanwhile, to go on holiday, raise their children etc. Oh, I don't know. Similar to what they begrudge their own parents doing as they were coming up.

Ah, the circle of life.

People are always bigging up familial cultures like mine, but they don't realise that in those cultures, children are meant to look after their parents. Financially as well.

Get of the internet and set about making your own fortune.

The governments destroyed the housing economy not the older people who were just working to make a living.

Did everyone here go to school under General Mao or at all?

Thanks so much for contributing. These people live on a different planet. They think they are entitled to squander their youth and opportunities, via selfish pursuits and then their parents are required to pick them up when all the fun is over.

It blows my mind.

Governments populated by boomers.

And does anyone vilify the elder parents, I expect not?

How about families just help and support each other to the best of their abilities?

So many individualistic mindsets here. Or maybe just too many people who don’t like or get on with their adult children.

Well, my generation is populated by people that make these types of comments. I feel embarrassed.

Maybe she shouldn’t have traveled for two decades and built a career for herself. Radical idea I know but she hasn’t exactly helped herself. And no, I’m not a boomer.