Boomer parents who don't help their children

[hoarderofthedough]

I will preface this by saying that my own Boomer parents DID help me and my sibling, and I will be forever grateful. They were wonderful.

BUT.....my DH's mother, on the other hand is the opposite, and it's giving me the rage. I wondered whether anyone else had experienced similar?

She is super rich, and by that I mean a multi millionaire. She lives in a 6 bed mansion, has around 8 properties that she rents out, providing an income of circa £10k a month, and she lavishes it ALL on herself and her boyfriend.

Her daughter (my SIL) lives in a tiny house in an awful (dangerous) part of town, and doesn't have a pot to piss in. Scrimping and saving, not able to put the heating on in winter, no treats ever - and all the while MIL is jet setting to exotic holidays, always in business class....with not one thought for her DD and grandkids welfare.

On the rare occasions we meet up for a meal, MIL will let DH and SIL pay. Or at best the bill will be split - but never are we treated with her paying. However, she is very happy to treat her boyfriend to lots of things.

She's almost 80 now, and still has no thoughts of gifting money to avoid inheritance tax.

Anyone else experience this? I find it truly baffling, because if I was in her position I would be filtering down money to my adult kids regularly.

👍😂

So she chose to have children, even knowing that this would make her life financially very difficult? She made her own choices, so she has to live with them. No reason why a parent should bail out another adult making poor decisions.

You lost me at boomer.

OP is describing herself. She is SiL. Previous post in 2024 linked upthread.

Whenever we buy anything I just say to DS I’m spending your inheritance, it’s become a running joke, we are older Gen X. If I thought he expected it then I would think I had raised him wrong. DH is tougher on his approach to how much we will assist though. The bulk of my friends are between 57 and 65. It’s very variable how well off they are. The one that got divorced twice is the least well off and the most comfortable of us are the long marriages where both parents worked FT. Then there is everything in between.

We just started this year each giving him the 3k PA you can gift as tax free.

I can understand why it grates. Couldn’t imagine not helping DC or DGC.

If she inherited wealth maybe she’s never known what it’s really like to struggle? Doesn’t occur to her to help. Maybe she knows but doesn’t care.

She may not even have made provisions in her will for the family OP. The boyfriend could’ve got in her head or she might have other plans.

It’s not what many parents would do, and think this isn’t about spending other people’s money but about families helping each other.

You have no idea of her circumstances.

Well said.

Well, actually I do. This isn't the OPs first thread. Pay attention to the classroom!

"Boomer" is a stereotype but it exists for a reason. In this case it fits that stereotype of being selfish and ignorant of your privilege. It may not be politically correct to say "Boomer" but the stereotype didn't come out of thin air...

I think the changes in western philosophy, especially popularised utilitarianism by people like Peter Singer, has broken down social conservatism. We used to value family structure much more than we now do. Too many boomers, in my opinion, want the best of both worlds without having enough loyalty to family.

But, she could help the daughter who is scraping by surely? That's just mean.

It so wasn't 'there for the taking' Yes a lot of people have seen enormous rise in the so called value of their property over the years. This was only an option for those in secure enough work who were able to get a mortgage. Back to the greedy mil living the high life, perhaps she is making up for lost time. Remember in her youth there were no budget airlines, short haul hen weekends, nail bars, tanning salons, cocktail bars, restaurants with global cuisine, electronic gadgets, fast fashion, etc etc etc. why shouldn't she have some of that fun now.

OK then.

The op has posted this thread potentially 4 or more times. OP did you bum around for a couple of decades, ignoring your mum - not taking life too seriously knowing your mum’s got all that cash. Popping back to work your way back into her favour, hence continuing to do lunch so you’re still in the will? I wonder whether she’s wise to your game - given she’s not subsidising you I think she might be.

Entitled to her money? They’re living in poverty with her grandchildren and she’s a MULTIMILLIONAIRE

Good grief.

selfish and ignorant of your privilege

Gross. You sound so entitled that I can't find a bucket large enough to contain my vomit.

@UnpopularOpinionsIWouldUsuallyKeepToMyself

Good for her?!?!?????

Shes a multimillionaire living the high life, whilst her children and 100% innocent grandchildren are living in poverty….. Good for her?????

I am not arguing that millennials don't have it very difficult and as I said up thread we do support our children and grandchildren to try and make their life easier we provide childcare and financial support and will do for as long as we can.
But there is no doubt that their childhood was much easier than mine or that my grandchildren have far more than my children did.
But mainly it's not a competition about who has had it worse, I hate the casual ageism, and stereotyping of older people that we get on here.

💚 I’m sorry for the loss of your Dad

I actually feel like the role of “grandma taking care of their grandchildren” gets watered down with each generation these days.

I might be wrong.

I'm a millennial. My parents are boomers. These adult people on here whinging about a generation are embarrassing. They are just scroungers looking for an easy out and crying when it doesn't go to plan.

OP travels the world in their youth, has no career prospects as a result, and then has a partner who works part-time.

Now, they have no money. Well, no shit, Sherlock.

Rather than do something about their situation, they focus their lasers on an 80 year old woman, who probably helped them travel the world, but that wasn't good enough. Now, she has to give them all of her financial security for her future, all of her rolling income and pay for her lunch, the part-timers lunch and possibly the neighbours lunch, who knows where it ends.

Then, you have the absolute audacity of others defending this position and thinking they sound clever using lots of word salad about how they agree with the financial abuse of elders because the university that was paid for (via their own parents or tax money) taught them that if they sit on MN all day, they're oppressed by the system their parents created.

IT BEGGARS BELIEF.

I couldn’t get through your own word salad sorry

Education is a privilege, I guess.

Really?

I will preface this by saying that my own Boomer parents DID help me and my sibling, and I will be forever grateful. They were wonderful.

You really don’t get it do you.

We don’t want budget airlines or nail salons.

We want to be able to afford the basics - secure shelter (aka a house we can afford and call our own), food (aka salaries that can keep up with soaring food costs to feed our children that still live at home) and health services (eg NHS dentists).

Those essential life basics, and salaries that kept up with the cost of living, were all there for the taking, during most of the boomer generation years. Have you even looked at the job market recently? and the terrible salaries that are at the same level as 20 years ago?

Some weeks I can’t afford FOOD and yet I’m apparently middle income now.