AIBU to be upset my husband lied about his flight being overbooked?

[OrangeSlices998]

Need some perspective on this and whether my head needs a wobble.

So me and DH have been together for 10 years, we have 3 kids together. We met in London and moved to a small town for his work after our first DC was born.

Recently he went away for a planned lads holiday to Malaga with his uni mates as they’re all turning 40. I don’t know the mates well, they all bar 1 came to the wedding, one was his best man who was incredibly drunk and didn’t do the best speech due to this. I’m only mentioning this because heavy drinking is the norm when these guys get together.

They went to Spain for 4 days, due to fly back on Sunday lunchtime. Originally he had booked to come back on a flight to get him home for 7pm, I had said that was later than I thought he would be back. He then booked a different flight that would have him home for 4pm - this is important.

I didn’t hear from DH much at all, I hadn’t expected to tbh because he was with his friends although it would have been nice to have the odd text checking in as the kids were being very hard work! On Saturday he phoned from his mates phone to tell me he had been mugged the previous evening, he was very drunk and got pushed over and his phone stolen. He thankfully wasn’t hurt and nothing else was stolen. I asked him to buy a cheap phone while he was out there so he wasn’t impossible to reach, I had his mates number but that’s it. I was not having the best time with the kids, they were being very hard work and the crap weather and no car didn’t help.

Saturday lunchtime we speak and I told him what a rough time I was having, the kids were being unusually difficult and I was exhausted. He made sympathetic noises, the call ended. I survived the day (!) and Sunday came. DH hadn’t bought a phone, he called me from his mates phone at about 10ish local time and told me he was heading to the airport shortly (flight departed 12pm local time).

4pm rolled around, not home. Check arrivals, flight landed and he had only hand luggage but traffic etc. 5pm, nothing. 6pm, nothing. I start getting worried, where is he? Is he okay? Did he get on the flight? Did something happen? We live 30-40 minutes from the airport, no traffic showing. I try contacting his friend just to make sure there hadn’t been any issues in Spain, he doesn’t answer. Go out for a walk with the kids as I’m anxious and on edge. Get home at 7.30pm and he walks in about 7.45pm. Says he had to get the second flight of the 2 he booked, the first one was overbooked.

I’m confused now because why didn’t he just call/text me to tell me? I had spent half the afternoon worrying for nothing! His friend had been at the airport with him for a bit, why not just let me know? I was annoyed about this as I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t have just got in touch as he knew I was expecting him on the first flight. I’m just confused because nothing is making sense. DH keeps repeating the story, flight overbooked and I asked what he did while waiting, he said he was just sat in the airport waiting for the second flight. I asked him why he didn’t try to reach me somehow, there would have been ways.

His friend comes back to me on Monday and says DH’s flight was after his and there were no issues. Now I’m more confused because that would mean DH friends flight was before 12pm but I spoke to him at 10am local time and they weren’t at the airport. I called DH on this and said BULLSHIT I think you and your mates decided you coming home on the first flight ruined the fun so you decided to just not get on the first flight and didn’t tell me because you knew I’d be annoyed.

Eventually he admits yes. He had got to the airport for the first flight and didn’t want to leave so he decided fuck it I’ll get the later flight and knew I’d be pissed so didn’t tell me. Had a couple more beers with his mates till they all got their flights and then he got the later one and decided to tell me the first one was overbooked.

I am very hurt by this. Am I being a dick? He knew I had had a tough weekend, he knew I was exhausted, he knew I thought he would be back earlier and he knew I’d be hurt he opted not to get back sooner (I appreciate it’s only a few hours) and decided to lie to me and keep lying. As far as I know he’s never done anything like this before he’s usually a shit liar and wears his heart on his sleeve. We’ve been through a lot together and I really am hurt by it.

I’m less bothered by the fact he had had a lovely time with mates and didn’t want the holiday to end versus the lying to me and not communicating to me, knowing I hadn’t had the easiest weekend. It just feels out of character.

AIBU?

I really want OP to elaborate on the car situation, moaning about a lack of car during his trip seems really odd, when it was obviously something that was pre-arranged, and agreed in advance.

And he had a different outbound airport to inbound one.. so what is that all about?? She says he drove it home Sunday night, so seems to have done that after a morning of drinking??

I can absolutely parent 3 kids solo for a weekend and did. I had the AUDACITY to say they were being hard work when asked!

Someone who does the right thing, despite it being easier to lie, is a more worthwhile partner (to people like myself and the OP). Dishonest people are a dime a dozen, not special. She honestly expressed the difficulty of solo parenting three children for days, he responded with a lie that got him a few more beers. Some of us look for truthful partnerships, and the OP is clearly in that camp.

My god no one can read. I didn’t call. I didn’t text, I didn’t harass him constantly for updates. He rang me, and when asked I said the kids were being hard work and had a moan! Crime of the century. How dare a DH know his kids were driving their mum mad! What a weekend ruiner 🙄

Him being home earlier would have meant another pain of hands at bedtime. He chose to book an earlier flight, I never asked him to!

He would have known I’d worry when he didn’t come home at the I’d assume after the earlier flight, apparently that also makes me controlling and none of you would have worried or wondered what happened. It was a dick move not to tell me, and then lie about it. The actual being home a few hours later isn’t my issue

I actually think the car is the bigger issue here! Why did he have to take it and how did the logistics even work!!!

For those wondering about airport logistics - he drove to airport B and parked the car. Got an uber to airport A and flew out of there. Flew back to airport B and picked up the car.

I mean - lying is not great, i would be annoyed - but i would question WHY he felt the need to lie - it sounds like you are a bit needy, and lets be honest - you say you can handle the kids yourself plenty - but then while he is on a short trip, for just a few days, suddenly they are a handful? Come off it OP - it was a guilt trip and i can see why he might feel the need to lie...

The thing is though @OrangeSlices998, you say he voluntarily booked an earlier flight but you also said you made it known you'd want him home earlier!

Lying is ridiculous, unfair, and immature. But it really does sound like you were being a nightmare about what was three days of a break for him and his pals.

I cannot believe you all treat your husbands with such kid gloves you couldn’t possibly say the kids were driving you mad just incase you ruined his weekend. Give me a break.

I said literally what you helpfully highlighted ‘oh right that’s later than I thought’ and then went back to reading my book. When we’d spoken about it before he made it sound like Sunday wasn’t a full day. That’s all. It’s not some big gotcha.

So I can’t express an opinion ’oh that’s later than I thought’ and I also can’t say ‘we’re okay, the weather is shit and the kids are driving me mad’ - why do I have to pretend to be a mute Stepford Wife?

He never booked the earlier flight, he just pretended to and said he'd done it to put an end to the discussion. The intention was always to come back later.

Staying longer than he told you he would stay and failing to let you know his schedule was mildly inconsiderate. But he created a disconnect by lying to you. That’s what is bothering you, right?

He essentially treated you like a parent rather than a partner. He behaved like a child.

He just needs to learn to handle things like a husband and father rather than a child. Fine for him to stay longer, ridiculous to act like a teenager about it.

Being manipulative is not the same as being truthful.. it's just more underhand.

Agreeing to your spouse going on a trip, then pressuring them to come home early, and telling them on the phone during the trip how exhausted you are looking after the kids alone.. all manipulative.

I don't agree with lying, hate it in fact, but I would never have pressured my husband to cut a trip short, or complained about how hard I was finding it without him there to make him feel bad.

Why have you posted an AIBU when you are so sure you are right? And then getting shirty with those who are telling you that you are BU.

😂

Yes I moaned endlessly, for days on end to my husband who had no phone. We had one conversation, they were being annoying little darlings and I said as much. And then I hung up the phone after hearing about what he’d had for lunch and their plans for the evening and I went back to the kids.

Yes and he was being a little weanie by not saying “Yes, I’ll be honest around 8pm.”

And not buying a new phone, FFS. Imagine if OP left him with the three children and pulled that crap.

Because I don’t get the crime here. Answering ‘how are you and the kids’ with ‘they’re driving me mad!’ is apparently a horrific crime and I deserved to be lied to and left worrying for hours not knowing what was going on.

Yeah but when you spoke to him you just moaned about the shit time you were having so no wonder he didnt tell you.

Why are you making such a meal about the trip. If that was my DH I wouldn't have expected any contact for the whole weekend. I would have appreciated a call if he was running late but as he was only 3 hours later than planned I really can't see what the issue is.

How is manipulative?!

When I next go away and I ring to ask how he is and one of them woke him early/the big two fought/the little one bit her sister or whatever - he will probably tell me and I’ll commiserate/laugh with him/offer advice if needed. I sort of wish I hadn’t included that bit because people keep focusing on it, I just meant to add context that he knew I probably needed a break!

I think you've a lot of bullying posters on your thread OP

I think they are bringing their own agenda to what you've said.

From a dispassionate point of view your husband did a lot of lying ...does he have a police report to claim on insurance for his phone? Then not letting you know about the correct flight time and lying and somehow you are the problem.

Posters on here turning themselves into pretzels to attack the person holding the fort. Not controlling just expecting to be treated with respect (which apparently is too much for some)

No, the answer on AIBU is always either “What?! Of course not, stupid!” Or “Tell me the other person’s side so I can take it up as my own!”

If he posted here they’d make mince of him.

@OrangeSlices998 You're being needlessly arsey with people just because they don't agree with you. I don't know why you bothered posting. You should have just said you wanted people to tell you that you're right.

I don't treat my husband with kid gloves. I love him and I want him to have breaks and enjoy some hard-earned me time for himself. He feels the same about me.

Why did you offer your 'opinion' on the flight home not being as early as you expected? I think if you're being honest you'll admit that it's not outside the realms of reality that he'd interpret that as you wanting him home earlier. Otherwise, what's the point in mentioning it at all?

I can see why he’d want to be away a bit longer. Why would you start moaning to him about your day with your dc when he’s away on a birthday weekend?

I never really understand why spending a weekend alone with your children is seen as such a dire situation!

The only problem would be if he’d refuse to let you go away for a weekend

You don't know what bullying is.