AIBU to feel hurt after husband broke our no-porn agreement?

[Echo15]

I've been with my husband for 9 years. We have a 4 month old son. I had a traumatic birth so sex is still painful and therefore rare. It's been a very loving, equal marriage. A few years ago we both agreed that we shouldn't watch porn because we felt it disrespected / didn't align with our marriage vows and wouldn't make the other person feel good.

Caught my husband masturbating to porn while I looked after the baby a few days ago. He says it's happened a few times but is sorry and won't do it again.

I feel really hurt. I know we're not having much sexual intimacy at the moment but surely that's normal with a baby? He happily agreed not to watch porn years ago, so now I feel i can't trust him. The timing of this has really knocked my confidence given I'm postpartum but I'm mostly just angry that he did it despite our agreement, I assume because he thought he wouldn't get caught as I was busy with DS. He wanted children but now I feel discarded and disregarded because my body has changed and I'm busy with DS. I have birthed his child and this is what I get.

AIBU?

I said: "pathetic (in the classic sense)."

"In the classic sense, pathetic means relating to or arousing pathos—deep emotion, tender sorrow, or sympathetic pity."

So basically, I feel sorry for them; they are worthy of pity, being so horribly conditioned that they need to watch other people having sex in order to achieve their own climax.

(I also do think it's incredibly gross and immoral to choose to orgasm to something that could be rape, though, if that makes you feel better!)

Wow. False feminism in this case. How could a women who calls herself a feminist watch when the women on the screen are being abused, left raw, shitting themselves after hours of anal, deep throat to the point of choking.
There is ethical adult movies available but they’re few and far between.
It supports and encourages human trafficking and rape, same way with taking cocaine, the consequences of their pleasures is evil.

You really don’t know what people watch. The kind of extreme content (which is nonetheless consensual and commercially created) has been declining for years, certainly every year since 2018, and most porn today clusters around a soft centre of more realistic mainstream sex acts. That’s even more the case when the performers take control in platforms like OF. The number 1 porn search term is hentai, where there are no real performers, and the number 2 is lesbian. That said if women want to watch fetish or rough sex that’s also fine and doesn’t create a bad feminist. Biggest growing area of porn is female use: if it continues at the current rate 50% of porn will be watched by women in less than 10 years from now. Yay! There’s good evidence that women watching and making more porn makes all porn better.

Where are your statistics for those claims? Because no, it's not all consensual, and from what I know, of live action porn, extreme content is still as popular as ever.

And yes, orgasming to the sexual objectification and dehumanisation of women does actually make you a terrible feminist. Unsurprisingly.

If you haven't noticed the huge negative impact that internet porn has on our society, and on young women and girls, then you must be wilfully blinding yourself, or actively enjoying it. I suspect the latter, given your posts.

This. Times 100.

Can I suggest instead of debating me you go to something like ChatGPT and type in Is this post accurate, then the content of my post? I’m pretty sure you aren’t going to believe me.

I don't use AI. But if you can provide sources or links to studies, why wouldn't I believe you?