Worried about GCSEs

[alevelbtec]

I can't sleep at night as worried about teen dd and her results. She failed all her mock exams except English. I want her to do A Levels and go on to University like most of my family but I don't think she will be able to. I am really panicking about her future. AIBU!? I think it's effecting me more, she pretends she's ok or maybe she isn't I don't know.

You need to educate yourself on what options there are available for our young post 16 people today. Apprenticeships are an excellent option for the less academic ( as an example) This is YOUR DD, not a member of your other family.

When you say “ failed “ mocks. Do you mean less than a 4? Or a 9? If she “ failed “ her mocks, why are you panicking that DD won’t be going to university? Sit with her and explore what she CAN do. Honestly, the opportunities are plentiful in this country.

I never said I am pushing her, I would like her to go to Uni.

None of mine did A levels or went to uni but all my adult children now have careers by going down different routes. There are lots of other college courses that your child might find interesting and if they aren’t sure yet what they want to do there is always the option for uni/open uni when they are older.

Do you think she hasn’t picked up on your views? Do you recognise any of the comments on the thread as useful?

Agree!

Not necessarily.
Many health courses are on apprenticeships, get paid 25 - 30k a year whilst studying and 40k plus on completion, with potential for up to 60k a few years later.

What does she want to do as a career?

I want her to do A Levels and go on to University like most of my family ...

Well it's not about what you want.

Poor girl will be made to feel a failure not because she is, but because you will have made her feel this.

She needs to find her own niche and plough her own furrow. Just get off her back!

What does SHE want to do?

I never said I am pushing her, I would like her to go to Uni.
Not pushing her! You are having sleepless nights in case she does not live up to your expectations! Do you seriously think she is not picking up on this!?

This just isn't even remotely accurate, at least for engineering.
For millennia engineers have done apprenticeships.
Many large engineering companies such as airbus, BAE Systems, Rolls Royce, most of the water, chemical, pharmaceutical and energy companies do degree apprenticeships.
Don't let your own ignorance, snobbery and stereotypes influence your daughters future.

So what did university teach you? How to be adaptable? How to think critically? How to find out things you don't know? How to be open minded? How to challenge your viewpoints? How to review facts and not feelings?

Apply those skills to this situation.

I see this and the Indian parent in me jumps out. We since very young have drilled the importance of education and studying well. We don't just shrug someone off as "not academic" we actively work with our children to achieve top grades. Coming from India itself, education is seen as the way to a brighter future.

Anecdotes are anecdotes. All the data clearly shows a positive relationship between education and earnings. Even a singular GCSE is shown to increase incomes. A university degree and education opens so many doors. And all the data shows on average graduates out earn those without degrees.

I wouldn't be impressed with my DC if they failed almost everything (not even scraping 4s). I'd definitely want a pass in maths and English. Maths is a essential skill to know.

Degree apprenticeships are awesome.. my DC is doing one at a major bank soon and they'll be earning £30k+ at 18. Once the 4 years finish and the grad role starts they'll be earning nearish £100k. All this needed good GCSEs and good A-levels

I want my DC to be well educated. I want them to have opportunities and things to be able to do. I want doors to be opened to them. I want them to earn well, be able to have their own family, go on holiday, have a home one day. Don't want them to be stuck earning low/minimum wage.

What people? A few mates and boyfriends? She will meet the same in college or on the job

We all want this for our kids. Uni isn’t the only route, that’s what people are saying. Not going to uni doesn’t automatically equate to minimum wage.

A young man in my family started an apprenticeship at 16 and at 19 is already earning considerably more than minimum wage, with potential for much more.

Uni is years away and there are alternatives. But why not actually study and do well at GCSE?

The OP said her daughter did work hard. Some children just aren’t particularly academic. It’s as simple as that.

Hardly years away if she’s just done GCSEs, another year and she’d be applying to uni!

Lucky you then in none of your children have dyslexia, dyspraxia or processing difficulties.

But university at all costs? In my day (I'm old) I paid no tuition and had a means-tested support grant that meant I accrued no debt. I didn't have to pick up a part time job. (The people who taught me and my peers wanted us to be fully intellectually invested in our studies and not crawling into a seminar at 10 am after bartending until midnight.) It would never have occurred to me to live at home to save money because I didn't need to do so; the whole point was to get away from home, to have new experiences, make new friends, while pursuing a subject I loved. But these days the whole university experience seems to have been rendered thoroughly diminished and wickedly expensive at the same time. There is a world elsewhere, OP: open yourself up to it!

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It comes down to what does she want to do as there can be a variety of routes to get there.

I passed half my GCSE’s as I just found it hard to keep my head in the game. I barely came out with any A-Levels because I honestly think I was doing what I thought I should be doing which didn’t motivate me much. I then went on to take a break in education and just worked & traveled a bit.

I eventually just did Open University and passed everything really easily as I was more focus on what I actually wanted to do a little later on in life. I feel much better about my career aspect as there wasn’t the same kind of pressure.

I would say, try not to be too worried for her and just try to support her decisions. She’ll get there as there are plenty of options.

Secondary school teacher and A-Level teacher here... If she only passed her English GCSE in her mocks then I highly doubt she'll pass enough to go onto University but that doesn't mean she cannot get an incredible job.
A-Levels will be too difficult. I would suggest a btec courses or something called t-levels. Apprenticeships are also a viable option these days. Far better than when you would've been at school... University doesn't even guarantee a job these days so please don't make her feel like a failure of she doesn't get what YOU want her to achieve next week.
Be positive and the school will give her options.
I wish her all the best.

I pretty much failed my gcse mocks, to me they were pointless, not worth my effort (I was a slightly precocious teen), I got D's and E's.

In the actual tests I got 6 A's and 4 A*'s, because I worked hard.

A bad mock doesn't necessarily mean a bad real result

But even if it doesn't go as hoped, your role is to be there for her, pick up the pieces and help her make a plan how to move forwards.

My daughter is doing the 11+ next month. I will be proud of her whether she passes or fails, she has worked so hard. Of course I will be sad that she is sad if she doesn't pass. But I will tell her time and time again that I am so proud of her and that she will be fine and things will work out in the end.

Our children need to know that we have their back no matter what, as long as they have tried their best that's all we can ask

I have 5 Highers at A and B
Two degrees. I’m 45

My 21yo DSS left school at 16 and earns more than I do.

My husband also left at 16 and runs a very successful company.

DS2 passed all his highers but didn’t get the results he really wanted. He’s applying to the RAF where all you need are Nat 5s

so there are plenty of options - maybe she’d rather go into something more practical. Try not to worry. I was so disappointed for DS2 and then when I thought about it - what does it really matter. I went to University twice and although I enjoy my teaching job it’s not setting the world alight