Worried about GCSEs

[alevelbtec]

I can't sleep at night as worried about teen dd and her results. She failed all her mock exams except English. I want her to do A Levels and go on to University like most of my family but I don't think she will be able to. I am really panicking about her future. AIBU!? I think it's effecting me more, she pretends she's ok or maybe she isn't I don't know.

You think someone who isn’t academic enough to pass their mock GCSE’s is going to go on to become a lawyer or an architect?

You need to give your head a wobble, you’re setting her up for failure. What if she doesn’t achieve that? What if she gets into a basic university, struggles with the course and drops out?

There’s so much more to earning money than going to university, most people seemed to have moved with the times and learnt that. Back in the day you could walk into loads of jobs with a basic degree but degrees are so common today that everyone has them. I say that as someone with a masters.

I went to uni in a time where everyone was going to university and if you didn’t and went on to do something vocational then you were laughed at for being stupid. It’s those people such as electricians, beauticians etc that I see on Facebook making a lot of money now. I make decent money but not as much as some of those. FWIW my hair dresser earns more than me (someone who spent 5 years at uni) and she doesn’t own the salon. Does your snobbery come from thinking she’ll less earn money or because you think your family will think she’s thick if she doesn’t attend uni like the rest of them?

My husband was pushed to university by his Mum, hated it and dropped out and spent the majority of his twenties working in a shop. He accepted this was his life because he wasn’t given any other options. It wasn’t until later he did an apprenticeship as an electrician and realised he was much more inclined for that. He isn’t very academically intelligent and that’s okay.

My SIL had the right idea. My nephew wasn’t very academically bright (I think he scraped 3 grades equivalent to a D) and she pushed him into an apprenticeship as well as functional skills and he earns £800 a week in his early 20’s now! What does your daughter want to do? Why don’t you sit down and look at other options with her?

What does she want though?

Why was she failing her mocks? Lack of work or lack of ability? Have you engaged with her school work and seen its quality? You seem unsure what the issue is - but you surely know whether or not she revised and how much?

If she didn't put any effort in (as in, literally zero) - then maybe resits would be worth it if she is more capable than she has shown, and has a profound change in attitude - and with your support. But if she genuinely tried and revised and has still failed, A-Levels and Uni are not her best route to success.

Finding a "trade", getting really good at it and setting up your own business is a fantastic thing to do.

As AI erodes traditional "professions", the 16 year old girl who aces hairdressing and sets up her own salons - or who learns to become a plumber or a locksmith, sets up her own female-led firm and corners the local market in people who don't want to be talked down to by some d**head man will probably end up much more financially secure than someone who gets into debt to scrape a poor quality law degree from a lowest-tier uni and then can't get a training contract. She needs to find something that really engages her - that she's willing to work hard at and get really good at. That's not going to be A-levels for everyone.

Your poor DD. Where is she in all of this? On what basis are you assuming that because you went to university, she must too? A pupil who fails her GCSE mocks is highly unlikely to go on to become a lawyer or an architect. I hope you are not sharing that idea with her because it would be both premature and unkind.

On GCSE results day, I (academic with Russell Group university 2:1) told my DD that schools are part of a system that makes GCSEs at 16 high stakes. I said that even if she failed all of them, which was highly unlikely given her predicted grades, it wouldn't be the end of the world.

Why not talk to her about what she thinks she'd like to do next year and in the future, so she can talk about her ambitions instead of being used like a piece of plasticine for yours?

Typo

I think it's effecting me more, she pretends she's ok or maybe she isn't I don't know.

Maybe even if it is bothering her she can't talk to her mum as she's already a disappointment.

I do understand if gcses/alevels/uni is all you know and that's what you did.
But the world has changed so much since.
I worked 3 jobs at uni, I can't imagine many students being able to do that now. There aren't the jobs.
My job didn't exist when I went to uni.
My dd also gets results next week. I dont think they will get any. She is autistic and dyslexic. She also knows she has to do something at college and is interested in at least trying hairdressing. Doesn't have a clue what to do.
I'm happy she's not sitting in her room/ drinking or doing drugs.
After bullying, sexual assault and multiple suicide attempts I'm grateful dd at least attempted the exams.

Life is long I've had 3 career changes.
Leave her be, support her and be proud!

I'm a lawyer and I earned my qualification by being an apprentice. I didn't go to uni as it wasn't the right fit for me. Apprenticeships can be amazing ways to earn while you learn, can lead to lots of opportunities and mean that you have no student debt. How is that a bad thing?
I'm not against uni at all. My eldest daughter is currently studying law at uni and my youngest is hoping to go in September. It's right for them and something they both wanted to do. I understand that everyone you know went to uni but it simply isn't always the right fit for some people. If your daughter did her best but still fails, her skills obviously lie elsewhere. Not everyone is academic. Encourage her in what interests her and stop being so blinded by uni being the only option. She can excel and earn lots of money if she applies herself and works hard.

Are these jobs what you and your family have OP? You must know that they require top marks.. she’s unlikely to go from failing GCSEs to getting As at A-level.

What is she good at? The world is still her oyster even if she’s not academic.. she needs to figure out her own path.

None of my family have been to University, my daughter didn’t want to, my grandson didn’t want debt for the rest of his life, and is a trainee manager in the hospitality business, and my granddaughter didn’t want to, went to the local tech college, got the grades she needed and landed the job she wanted as a nursery nurse.
University is not an easy ride, let your daughter do what she wants, and support her whatever her decision. A university degree is not the be all and the end all of life.
There are pros and cons to every choice and decision. You can guide but do not force her to go if she doesn’t want to.

If she’s struggling to pass her GCSEs, she will likely struggle with university and the academics it requires. You seem to want to push her down the more traditional routes to “earn more” but unfortunately that’s not an option for everyone.

instead of pushing for what you think is right, encourage your daughter to find a career that will make her happy. Happy people are successful, she will want to grow and do more. If hairdressing is for her, she can make great money in that by owning her own salon, or upskilling to be a trainer, specialising in weddings. She needs to find her passion and work on a career from that instead of going for a career her parent is telling her will earn her money.

I am nervous for my daughter’s results but only because I don’t want to see her get disappointed. Last year a girl my daughter knows died of a brain tumour. She won’t get to pick her results up this year. This puts everything into perspective for me and it should for you too.

An inspiring tale from my DD's school year group. A girl who didn't want to go to university, wanted to stay at home, and who is interested in wine. She went to work for an excellent local restaurant, which sent her to London tonmdo a sommelier course. They have now opened a second restaurant and she has oversight of that too, plus buying all the wine for both. She's earning, she's happy, she's doing something she loves. Her PhD mother is happy too, because her daughter is.

Did she actually fail them all or was it that she didn't do very well? Did she revise properly and how is she doing in those subjects generally? If she is coping with her work and homework, she might need help with sitting exams or learning how to revise properly.

She doesn't have the results yet. They're out on Thursday.

Your focus is on traditional academic success, your daughter is prioritisng earning lots of money. Perhaps you should both have a conversation about what she enjoys doing, and use that as a starting point.

The mother is the one who is prioritising earning lots of money. The daughter is interested in hairdressing (which can of course be lucrative).

Sorry, I was referring to the mocks. OP said she failed them all, but just wondered if she failed (got 3s or less) or if she didn't do as well as expected. 4 is a pass - a low pass but it still counts as one, whereas some parents might view that as a fail.

OP said this - I think her drive is earning a lot of money to get by in this world!!

Ah. I see. OP hasn't given predicted grades. Hopefully some 5s and above. GCSE results are next Thursday - my error!

Well I’ve got 2 undergrad degrees and a masters degrees and work in a job earning less than £2K a month. I am a qualified teacher and lasted 25 years but left for a better work life balance with my children.

You do know that there are apprenticeships in alsorts these days including law. And what she chooses now might not be what she ends up doing in 20 years.

If she has an interest then let her explore it. My DD left with all passes and a distinction in drama, went to college but after a month went back to school for a levels as college wasn’t for her. To be honest A levels aren’t for her either as she has to do 2 extra subjects on top of drama which was what she was doing at college on its own. But we will just have to see what happens. She’s desperate to go on to university but I’m not sure she will get a place - auditions onto very competitive courses plus passing her a levels.

Not everyone’s path in life is linear from A-B. I left uni 27 years ago and am still searching for my dream career, teaching was not it.

Hairdressing is a great trade.
my dd graduated a year ago with a 2.1 we are in London, no jobs, working part time now with huge debts, she may as well not have bothered with 5 extra years of education, no help, no support in university for job hunting, the jobs she is now applying for are 25,000.
let her do what she wants
university is so overrated, unless they get a Russell group, but saying that her friend left with a first from a RG, now works for his dad

Goodness me. Hopefully she will do what she wants to do.

I have so many examples of people who didn't go to uni and have earned big but mostly older (like my DH) so not terribly relevant in today's market. But my DS did an apprenticeship and now earns £70k plus bonuses that takes him over £150k a year. I have a feeling though the the OP isn't so bothered about earning potential - more about how she would feel telling 'the family' that DD is a hairdresser. Poor kid.

Your poor DD. It's unlikely she'll jump from failing all her mocks except one to the grades needed to do the A levels required to be a doctor or lawyer. What happens if she doesn't get them?
For the more academic subjects they want at least a seven, preferably an eight, or at least that was the case for my DD's bog standard Northern sixth form.

My hairdresser earns an absolute bomb - far more than me (I am a university educated white collar professional). I also think your views on apprenticeships are outdated. Plenty of earning potential post apprenticeships these days!

I'm university educated, post grad too, nice life, nice job etc I'm actually at this point pretty against my kids going to uni and acquiring all that debt if an apprenticeship was available if tell them to chase that instead.
You can do degree apprenticeships you know in all types of roles which do attract good salaries at the end - working and learning seems a much better way to get a job now than coming out of uni green.
If she's struggling in her GCSEs she could go to college and then uni still - my friends son failed most of his GCSEs but two years later after college hes off to uni. Or you might need to adjust your expectations