Worried about GCSEs

[alevelbtec]

I can't sleep at night as worried about teen dd and her results. She failed all her mock exams except English. I want her to do A Levels and go on to University like most of my family but I don't think she will be able to. I am really panicking about her future. AIBU!? I think it's effecting me more, she pretends she's ok or maybe she isn't I don't know.

Absolutely this, what she needs is not GCSE's or A levels but parents who are proud of her snd love her whatever she achieves

I am not bashing you when I say this. I get parental anxiety and related things their future but you have mentioned 'you' want her to do a levels, 'you' want her to go to uni 'like the rest of the family'.....what does your daughter want?

We too get results this year and I have the anxiety, not for my feelings if she doesn't get the results, but hers. She has mild dyslexia and severe dyscalculia and really wants the 4 in English. I have told her it's not game over for uni if she doesn't, the course she wants will accept functional skills. I hope you don't project onto you daughter as some kids are never going to learn listening to a teacher and hour a day. Getting rid of coursework for most courses was the worst thing they did. How many jobs do we all have where we recall info on the spot...not many and many learn by doing. Whatever her results, she will get there if she wants it, try and get some sleep

You need to get over yourself. Not everyone is academic. Plenty of dd friends were high performing got good degrees 1st some at very good uni. £60k in debt unemployed or working in retail with a load of debt. There are. Plenty of admin entry level jobs or hairdressing and other apprenticeships such as decorating she could excel at and not be miserable and in debt. If she doesnt pass 1 year a level which isnt likely she be less employable than if she chooses wisely now. You need to get real amd be kinder towards her. Her best is her best

This all seems about what you want rather than what she wants. I would suggest you spend some time taking to her about what she wants to do in the future, rather than trying to force your unrealistic vision of what her future looks like onto her. Let’s be honest if she’s failing her mocks she is unlikely to be going to uni to be a lawyer is she. You’ll probably find out if she’s doing something she wants to do/enjoys she is much more likely to achieve.

You are being unreasonable. Why push her down an academic route if she isn’t suited to it?
School is mostly “one size fits all” and there’s much more to life than academic achievement.
What does your daughter enjoy? What are her strengths?
With so many brilliant college courses and apprenticeships available I’m sure she’ll have plenty of options to do something she can thrive in.
As long as she’s doing something, happy and healthy, what have you got to worry about?

Why dismissive? Not dismissive, just noting that what the daughter wants doesn't seem to have been factored in.

Why do you want her to go to University. I work for a University and when my DS and DD were thinking what to do after A-Levels I advised them to only do a degree if their chosen career needed it. They both decided to get an apprenticeship instead. One has just completed his AAT level 4 as an apprentice and the company he works for is going to pay for him to do his ACCA (Assoc of chartered Accountants). The other got a business administration apprenticeship and is now studying for a paralegal qualification which her employer is paying for and her salary has just gone up to £28,000 which I think is fantastic for a 21 year old especially where we live. No student loan debts and both saving for their own homes. A lot of their friends who went to University are either struggling to get jobs or earning less.

A Levels and Uni and you don’t know the difference between effect and affect?

That aside, she must be so stressed knowing this is how you think of her. Good grief.

FYI my son’s GCSE results spelled DUDE. He lives in a beautiful house with a wonderful family in a management job where he is respected. I never put any pressure on him or any of my equally successful children.

The only thing worse than failing all gcses is your whole family being disappointed in you.

Christ.
My mother forced me to go to Uni against my will. I scraped a pass and moved on with my life.
I didn't want to be a Dr or a Lawyer or a vet, which is all she obsessed over.
We have apprentices in the company I now work in, who earn well and more importantly, the networking and experience they get shoots them right up the career ladder far quicker than some of our graduate entry.
Also don't poo poo hairdressers. It's a very lucrative industry if you're good at it. You need to broden your horizons, and start thinking about your DD not yourself and your ego.
FYI. I don't speak to my mother now, nothing I ever did was good enough, no matter how hard I tried to please her. So enjoy that future if you don't change your attitude.

You sound dreadful OP. What about your daughter, what does she want to do? You’re sounding here like she’s a disappointment already because she’s not as academic as you. Poor girl. I hope she finds what she wants to do and what makes her happy.

Not interested in going to university, then.

Her life, her choices.

My sibling that did an apprenticeship far out earns the sibling that went to university…. I would rather my child did something that they were interested in, capable of doing and enjoyed themselves.

I know this makes me a contender for bitchiest comment of the week, but if she passed English, maybe she knows the difference between effecting and affecting, unlike her mother? Now, I'm actually making that point because you seem to be feeling that she's not academic "like the rest of your family", as if she's not good enough as she is, so I'm calling you out on that attitude. You're not as clever as you think and I feel sorry for your daughter if you will only value her accomplishments if they involve A levels and uni. Might she be interested in L3 Extended Diploma in Health and Social Care, for example? Or a L2 course alongside Maths/English resits? Or an apprenticeship? Or training/job?

What were her predicted grades?

You’re coming across as ill informed and snobbish with dreadfully unrealistic aspirations for your poor daughter.
If she’s failing her mocks, she probably isn’t going to be a barrister or a surgeon is she?

Yes, income is important but so is learning to embrace who you are and have realistic expectations. Better a low paid job and being content and healthy than living under the pressure to be someone she isn’t, or someone she thinks you want her to be.

Firstly, you don't know how DD will fair. Secondly, getting GCSEs, A levels and a degree is not a rite of passage.

Your DD needs to find a vocational training course and then an apprenticeship. Not everyone who's academic is a good employee and not everyone with no quald is a bad employee.

She should find something she will. Enjoy because it's more likely she will excel.

Motivate her, don't look down on her.

I hope she does better than you think and uses them to access an apprenticeship. She could still go to uni but doit through work so no student debt!!! 10% of grads have no job...

I haven’t rtft as short on time, but just to say :

Apprenticeships - you can become a lawyer, engineer, even a dr now (I think, not sure re latter) via apprenticeships, def a great option. But v competitive. So don’t dismiss out of hand.

if she’s not getting great grades easily at gcse, don’t bother with A levels. BTECS are a different way of studying. She could be better suited to that style, and still end up at a uni. (Unis accept btecs).

focus on your long term goal, which is hopefully something like her having a fulfilling life and career, and being confident in herself. She doesn’t have to have A levels to achieve that. In fact, they might crush her if it’s too hard.

If it's any consolation, I went to a top boarding school, excelled and went to a fab RG uni. Came out with the best possible degree and...totally pissed it all up the wall.

My sibling failed all her GCSEs, re-took and scraped enough for college. She, similarly, scraped through to get enough to go to a shit uni, which she left in Year 2, broke and pregnant.

Fast forward to our 40s, she is amazingly successful - brilliant so - and I am in social housing.

This is not the end.

And, your heightened anxiety won't help.

This week is about your DC, not you.

If your daughter does not do well in her GCSEs then she will probably struggle with A levels and uni. It's understandable that you want a future similar to your family's but you may well need to support your daughter in looking at other alternatives without showing her your disappointment. My son did 2 B Techs and an A level so maybe she could mix and match, depending on her results and school curriculum. Apprenticeships are quite different to when we were young and offer some great opportunities so please don't try to close off that route for her as it could suit her. Even if she seems ok with her results, she may well be disappointed so your response and support will be critical to her. Fingers crossed for her.

Instead of deciding what she should do and then worrying about whether she will get the grades to do it, why not focus on what she can do right now? If she doesn't go to uni, so be it. She's still your lovely girl. Maybe she'll go later, when she's 25, or 35. There are so many pathways through life. Why not talk to her about her options - her real options? What are her dreams? What does she want?

I know someone whose DC struggled very hard to get through GCSE/A-levels (rest of family very high flying academically), finally secured a place to read a STEM subject, then quit to work as a barman and is very happy and doing well.

There are different levels of apprenticips
The highest levels will require a lot more academic attainment then the lowest .

What if she isn't cut out to be any of those things you want her to be.

Academics is obviously not her thing and she is gifted in other areas. She may find something she excels at away from A levels and uni.

If she hasn't passed her exams, she can resit them. It's no big deal.

There are some great apprenticeships out there, which people earn a great living from.

Stop pushing your own agenda onto her and let her make her own decisions.

Forcing her into routes she doesn't want or isn't capable of will not benefit her in any way.

Maybe she is a late bloomer. My brother failed his A levels, I did really well, but he went back a few years later and now he is the one with a first and a PhD. Either way, don't panic. She must have already applied for post-16 right? What does she want to do?

Absolutely. From L2 to L7. My comment was in response to OP giving example of those jobs not being obtainable via App pathway. When they are.