Guests bring their own lunch

[thevoiceofreasoning]

I have recently had surgery and I am pretty immobile … just about get around on crutches indoors. Friends (m and f married couple with 10 year old daughter) wanted to visit me at my home. I’m not really up to guests to be honest but they more or less invited themselves. I agreed and they said they would arrive around 11am and stay until about 3pm (they live a couple of hours drive away from me). Since this timing clearly spanned over lunchtime I thought it was only fair to warn them I wasn’t really up to making a meal for them, which is something I usually always do when they visit a few times a year. The wife says oh that’s not a problem we will bring something with us. i thought oh that will be nice … a bit of company and something nice to eat brought in!
Well they all arrived carrying big cool bag and busied themselves putting things in my fridge etc. We chatted for a while and then wife stood up and said she would fix lunch… checking with me where I kept my plates etc. whilst I remained sat in the lounge. When everything is plated … individual pots of salad, wrapped up sandwiches etc. kind of picnic style and she announced it was ready, I suddenly realised that she had only put out 3 plates for them and had not included me! She then turned and said ‘Oh are you going to make yourself something and join us?”
I was so shocked I just mumbled oh I will make myself some toast. And then sat there with them eating a couple of slices of toast whilst they had their individually plated picnic goodies! The funny thing is I truly believe they thought they were being considerate bringing their own food so I didn’t have to bother cooking.
I can sort of laugh about it but I am also gobsmacked they could think that was ok! However, now looking back I guess I did make an assumption that they would bring something for me to eat too. AIBU? Love to hear people’s thoughts on this!

in this case i agree

What absolute bastards.

I would be more than happy to bring food round AND cook/share it with you! That they didn't is incredibly weird. They had the nerve to sit in your house, use your gas, crockery, and then sit there and say "oh what are YOU doing for food?" Wow, just wow.

They wouldn't be friends of mine any longer.

How rude of them! They really messed up there.

Day 4 after c section my mum & sister arrived, empty handed.
I hobbled to the door and let them in. Told them I was about to bf my screaming new born so they sat, in their coats at the dining room table watching me waiting for me to finish so I could make them a cup of tea.
“stick the kettle on, I’ve not had a drink yet today” says I… “ no it’s ok, we’ll wait for you to do it” says my mother.
Pair of cunts did not get a cup of tea that day. Instead they sat in awkward silence watching me. I told them I was going back to bed with my baby and they could let themselves out.
Fuckers.

OP, my post was in jest and aimed at what awful rude people your ex friends are. Not you.

At no point have I implied that you are a limp lettuce and if you bother to read my previous posts on your thread you'll see that I said I'd have expected myself to react in the same passive way due to being so gobsmacked by their antics.

Hope you feel better soon.

No she wouldn’t be my friend if she had! That’s what made it so shocking and strange that she would do that!

Please drop them from your friendship circle.

You certainly can! 😂😂 It will make me feel so much better if I think this story will help ease your dentist trauma! 🤣

Your friends are awful! 20 odd years ago I was an 18 year old with my own flat. In their defence they were all 18/19 too living at home with no concept of bills.
I was playing pretend adult/ the mum of the group. Ridiculous in hindsight. I would make a full roast dinner from new friends I’d met on the estate I’d moved to.

Every Sunday without fail for over 6 months a perfect roast for all of us.
I was lonely, not seeing family and working shifts.
One week I was off work sick - first time ever had no idea I wouldn’t get paid the following week. Not a penny! Obviously couldn’t feed them or myself.

None of them brought so much as a packet of crisps or something offered to pop to the shops and get something for us. Then they all left when they got too hungry to hang out.

They were all surprised the following Sunday when there was no Sunday dinner and I told them it was never happening again.
Glad to see you won’t host them again. Good for you.
I hope your recovery is going as planned. Wishing you well

Nope! Did not bring a single thing or offer to do anything aside from plate their own meals! Lol

They shouldn’t be inviting themselves full stop.

Good for you. I'm glad you didn't make them a cuppa. Was that normal behaviour for them? Did they ever apologise?

Oh that’s awful for you. Some people are just users! Thanks for your good wishes

I think all parties in this story were wrong.

You, because you weren't firmer about not feeling well enough for guests, so accepted to receive guests anyway without a plan of how to host them. I'm sorry, but if you accept guests in your house, it's normal to offer something to drink and some kind of nibbles or snacks, at least. But, you could also have ordered food for lunch. It was bad hosting to offer nothing. You should just have told them to come another day when you were more up for having them properly.

Them, because it's super rude behaviour to bring food to someone's house, and not offer them some - especially if they aren't well! The inviting themselves is also rude as Hell...

So yeah, all around, I think everyone doesn't come off well in this scenario.

I was surprised to see them in the first place as they have zero interest in me or my children. So yeah, normal behaviour.
ive now not seen either of them for years. I don’t think my mother has even noticed that she hasn’t seen any of us! That’s how insignificant we are!

What the actual fuck

Crikey that’s brutal behaviour! I really can’t understand that level of selfishness!

That is awful. My friend had a knee op and i checked before I visited to make sure she was up to it. I didn't stay for a meal but if I had planned to and was bringing it myself I definitely would have included her in that meal. I asked if she needed anything as I was passing a supermarket but her parents were there and they had done her shopping. They are odd friends to feed themselves when you are the one who probably needed it more.

MN truly is a parallel universe sometimes.
Hope you recover quickly.

No this isn't right either, when you are ill..it's really helpful if someone does the thinking...asking what is needed / wanted is often another unbearable burden.

The best thing would have been to remember the food OP had served them in the past and replicate or bring a range of easy food treats.

Similarly people thinking a take away or online shop are easy when you are on crutches is unrealistic. You have to hover by the door (when you may need the loo, to sit etc..)...and when delivered how do you carry bags and use crutches...another huge logistical burden for someone post surgery

Get them in the bin. Their poor daughter growing up thinking this is normal. Why did they even visit?! So odd.

Neither want the kids there because it ruins their little fantasy of being a family. I know it’s sad if the kids miss it, but that’s on their father , not you. Tell the kids the truth about what’s happening and let be disappointed by their father.

OP, I’m aghast. If they hadn’t wanted to cook, they could have popped into the nearest supermarket and picked up quiche and salad and nice bread and a bit of cheese - for all of you. I just can’t fathom what on earth they were thinking - well, clearly they weren’t. Shockingly poor form, OP - I feel for you. And nothing else, either, for you the poor invalid - I would have expected a bunch of flowers or box of chocs at the very least. I hope you’re feeling a bit better after your op.

So sorry, that reply wasn’t meant for you! Thanks for your good wishes

Nasty fuckers