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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask a driving question?

145 replies

SendforJulietOne · 09/08/2026 10:04

If I passed you when driving (passing each other going opposite ways) and I flashed my headlights at you and made a thumbs down sign, would you understand what I mean?

Context- I thought this was well-known, DP has never heard of it, so we're wondering if it's local to my area.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
KeyWorker · 09/08/2026 21:38

SendforJulietOne · 09/08/2026 10:14

Super quick replies!

Yes, to me the flash means "hazard" or "you've left your lights off/full beams on" but the flash with a thumbs down means "police speed trap"

DP had never heard of it and now has to do a speed awareness course!

He’s not doing a speed awareness course because he didn’t understand a random hand gesture… he’s doing it because he was speeding.

SadiraOfTyr · 09/08/2026 21:45

Never heard of it and been driving for 40 years. Wouldn’t even occur to me to warn people of a police check - they aren’t just looking for speeders, they are looking for drunks, druggies, and people wanted on warrants etc. Why would you want to tip such people off?

KindlySurfiingPlatypus · 09/08/2026 21:52

SendforJulietOne · 09/08/2026 19:14

It was literally on the letter he got from the police. 32 in a 30.

Except that as most speedometers are not perfectly accurate but have to over-read not under-read, the chances are if the police radar shows 32mph then his speedometer was almost certainly showing at least 35mph. That's not ok. One of the things he'll learn in the speed awareness course is the massive differences in fatality rates from a collision that's 5mph faster. The same event without that extra speed might not be fatal. The 2-3 minute saving on journey time is simply not worth the additional risk of killing someone.

Ilovemyshed · 09/08/2026 21:53

It is illegal to warn other drivers of a speed trap.

SALaw · 10/08/2026 00:10

SendforJulietOne · 09/08/2026 19:16

Fair but still not ridiculous levels of speeding is it?

Yes, 42 in a 30 IS a ridiculous level of speeding in my opinion.

Shade17 · 10/08/2026 07:31

Ilovemyshed · 09/08/2026 21:53

It is illegal to warn other drivers of a speed trap.

It’s not illegal to do so using Waze etc or post on social media though which I think is a bit odd.

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 10/08/2026 08:53

@SadiraOfTyr Maybe in your area! Here it’s just conviction numbers and fines. We are a pretty standard country area and surely the idea is to make people slow down? What % of people are drunk on a Sunday morning? Or have taken drugs? They don’t catch these people. They just want the money from the fines. Our death rates from speeding on decent roads is pretty low in the uk.

Somersetbaker · 10/08/2026 09:15

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 10/08/2026 08:53

@SadiraOfTyr Maybe in your area! Here it’s just conviction numbers and fines. We are a pretty standard country area and surely the idea is to make people slow down? What % of people are drunk on a Sunday morning? Or have taken drugs? They don’t catch these people. They just want the money from the fines. Our death rates from speeding on decent roads is pretty low in the uk.

The death rate would be even lower if people stuck to the limit. Speed contributes to 30% of road collisions and over 50% of fatalities.

SadiraOfTyr · 10/08/2026 10:17

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 10/08/2026 08:53

@SadiraOfTyr Maybe in your area! Here it’s just conviction numbers and fines. We are a pretty standard country area and surely the idea is to make people slow down? What % of people are drunk on a Sunday morning? Or have taken drugs? They don’t catch these people. They just want the money from the fines. Our death rates from speeding on decent roads is pretty low in the uk.

Well that's ok too - fines go into the general Treasury fund (the police don't 'want' the money, because it doesn't go anywhere near them). The more fines the better - they help pay for NHS, education etc, just like taxes too. But taxes aren't voluntary, whereas court fines are completely voluntary - if you don't want to pay them, just don't break the law.

SendforJulietOne · 10/08/2026 11:44

Somersetbaker · 09/08/2026 21:20

He was speeding the limit was 30 not 32. What is so difficult to understand?

I know he was speeding. At what point did I say he wasn't?

OP posts:
Mycatmyworld · 10/08/2026 12:06

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 09/08/2026 10:21

It's illegal to warn others, and I don't give a shit if someone gets caught so wouldn't warn them anyway,

General Misuse: Using lights to say thank you, give way, or convey other messages can technically be classed as driving without due care and attention, carrying fines of £100 to £200.

FunPreventionOfficer · 10/08/2026 12:38

Still waiting….

HangryBrickShark · 10/08/2026 12:45

The last twice whilst riding my horse I've given the signal to slow down (arm extended palm down and moving arm up and down slowly) and both times the drivers have increased their speed. I can only assume they didn't understand the gesture which is amazing really. The first one even went as far to overtake me and my friend round a totally blind bend nearly causing a head on collision which the oncoming driver luckily only missed by driving sharply into a gateway. I always thank drivers for slowing down but these two instances made me wonder how anyone manages to pass their driving tests these days.

orangehandles · 10/08/2026 12:53

Round these parts, flashing your lights at someone has a multitude of meanings - eg: flood ahead (if only), there's a bloody great tree blocking the road round the corner, combine harvester coming this way, loose animals, or simply "Slow the fuck down you numbskull".

Somersetbaker · 10/08/2026 16:42

HangryBrickShark · 10/08/2026 12:45

The last twice whilst riding my horse I've given the signal to slow down (arm extended palm down and moving arm up and down slowly) and both times the drivers have increased their speed. I can only assume they didn't understand the gesture which is amazing really. The first one even went as far to overtake me and my friend round a totally blind bend nearly causing a head on collision which the oncoming driver luckily only missed by driving sharply into a gateway. I always thank drivers for slowing down but these two instances made me wonder how anyone manages to pass their driving tests these days.

Edited

They use the Somerset Edition of the Highway Code, which includes the following gems: the best place to overtake is approaching the brow of a hill or blind bend, the round sign with the numbers is the minimum speed you can go, yellow lines adjacent to the pavement highlight that it's a good place to park, see also zig-zag lines near schools, main beam headlights should be used at all times, I could go on. The only thing that cheers me up, is that in the argument between Audi/BMW and John Deere the winner is always green and yellow, damage to car - insurance write off, damage to other vehicle-none.

Shade17 · 10/08/2026 17:42

Somersetbaker · 10/08/2026 09:15

The death rate would be even lower if people stuck to the limit. Speed contributes to 30% of road collisions and over 50% of fatalities.

Exceeding the speed limit is a contributory factor in fewer than 10% of collisions and around 20% of fatal ones.

Mischance · 10/08/2026 18:32

HangryBrickShark · 10/08/2026 12:45

The last twice whilst riding my horse I've given the signal to slow down (arm extended palm down and moving arm up and down slowly) and both times the drivers have increased their speed. I can only assume they didn't understand the gesture which is amazing really. The first one even went as far to overtake me and my friend round a totally blind bend nearly causing a head on collision which the oncoming driver luckily only missed by driving sharply into a gateway. I always thank drivers for slowing down but these two instances made me wonder how anyone manages to pass their driving tests these days.

Edited

That is a very very confusing hand signal as it could be interpreted that it is safe to overtake if not executed precisely. The driver behind you overtook because you gave a confusing message. Better to keep your hands on the reins.

I live in the middle of nowhere and encounter horses and riders all the time and NONE of them ever give such a confusing signal. If they did I would ignore it and hang back for safety.

If your signal caused a death it is you who would be liable.

FoxRedPuppy · 10/08/2026 20:17

Mischance · 10/08/2026 18:32

That is a very very confusing hand signal as it could be interpreted that it is safe to overtake if not executed precisely. The driver behind you overtook because you gave a confusing message. Better to keep your hands on the reins.

I live in the middle of nowhere and encounter horses and riders all the time and NONE of them ever give such a confusing signal. If they did I would ignore it and hang back for safety.

If your signal caused a death it is you who would be liable.

It’s not a confusing signal- it’s in the Highway Code!

Mischance · 10/08/2026 22:57

It is indeed in the Highway Code.

If you indicate that you are intending to slow down or stop - the arm up and down signal - then drivers behind are likely to take this as an indication that they can pass - hence the driver who overtook.

It is a very confusing signal.

Mischance · 11/08/2026 10:28

The arm up and down signal says "I am going to slow down and/or stop." The equivalent from a car's signals would be a signal left.

If you were behind a car going very slowly and they signalled left (not at a junction) you would assume that they are pulling over and that it was time to overtake.

It is a very confusing signal and I am not surprised that it has caused problems. I do not blame the following driver.

On the whole I find horse riders are considerate lane users round here and greatly appreciate when I drive slowly past, but their signals are not always clear.

mamajong · 11/08/2026 10:34

Flashing lights to me is a hazard warning but never seen a thumbs down. Ive seen a whole arm gesture with waggling hands to mean slow down which id interpret as a serious hazard or a speed trap

Seeline · 11/08/2026 10:34

HangryBrickShark · 10/08/2026 12:45

The last twice whilst riding my horse I've given the signal to slow down (arm extended palm down and moving arm up and down slowly) and both times the drivers have increased their speed. I can only assume they didn't understand the gesture which is amazing really. The first one even went as far to overtake me and my friend round a totally blind bend nearly causing a head on collision which the oncoming driver luckily only missed by driving sharply into a gateway. I always thank drivers for slowing down but these two instances made me wonder how anyone manages to pass their driving tests these days.

Edited

That signal means that YOU are slowing down or stopping. That would indicate to me that you were likely to be pulling over as well. But either way, if it was safe to do so, I would likely overtake at that point, whilst giving you plenty of room and not accelerating too quickly.
It would not tell ME to slow down.

Mischance · 11/08/2026 11:31

Seeline · 11/08/2026 10:34

That signal means that YOU are slowing down or stopping. That would indicate to me that you were likely to be pulling over as well. But either way, if it was safe to do so, I would likely overtake at that point, whilst giving you plenty of room and not accelerating too quickly.
It would not tell ME to slow down.

Exactly!

The signal is not the rider telling the following car to slow down, but the rider indicating that they themself intend to slow down/stop.

If *HangryBrickShark *thinks she is telling the driver behind her to slow down it is no wonder that there have been near misses.

An indication that you plan to slow down or stop is an invitation to pass.

mondaytosunday · 11/08/2026 11:34

I’d think I hadn’t turned my headlights on or high beams off or possibly that there was a speed trap ahead or something in the road so I couldn’t proceed.
Edited as I thought you said thumbs up not down.