Whats the point of consent and asking permission if you get lied to

[MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe]

Whats the point of consent and permission ? friends meal and they cover the cost, they said here is x amount get what you want, so permission is asked what the limit is eg £20 and i can get whatever food / takeaway with it, the yes permission is given that i can buy what i want within the budget.

turns out a day or two after wards a sarcastic comment was made because i had 2 jacket potatoes with different toppings, so i said why is that an issue and it turns out that they still thought id get one instead of two ,

so i said i asked permission of what the budget was and i did ask what i could get then all i got was oh id still thought you would get 1 so i said why then say i can get x why not just say and be honest.

i guess this is more me moaning but why do people do this, say yes to x then they actually want you do to x instead its like why ?

before anyone asks we usually do a weekly meal out, and no they are fairly wealthy

So you KNOW you were wrong. One meal. One.

Yet here you are bitching your friend is tight because she pays for you every week and complains directly to you, when you take the piss. Multiple times you have taken the piss.

the point i have is why say to someone order what you want and then when you do order what you want they then moan about being greedy etc

Off topic, but I’m curious how you can stomach a fish and chip shop lunch every week!!

Because you ARE greedy.

Jesus wept.

Did she actually use the word ‘greedy’?

She's getting it for free @BeardySchnauzer that's how.

If she didn't, she should have done. With reference to the money as well as two dinner sid.

OP eating with a friend is supposed to be fun. This sounds joyless. You need to either take back control by buying your own food and eating what you want or by sacking this off.

They didn't even moan did they. Commenting you've ordered extras on top of an already generously offered free lunch, isn't moaning. It's pointing out how rude and greedy you are by doing so, because you appear to be quite shameless.

Then having to comment again because you want to play "I don't need to educate myself on social etiquette" and claim it's baffling why ordering 2 lunches is rude when again someone's generously offered to buy you one. How you aren't utterly embarrassed by how grabby you look, is quite something.

In literally any social circle (social norm) if someone said "lunch is on me" and someone said "what's the budget", they would be considered crass and grabby. Most people know how deeply unacceptable that is.

Are you now aware of this OP? Even if you still insist it's baffling, can you accept that enough people have told you this behaviour is not within the norms of social etiquette?

no it was i thought you would only order 1 potatoe rather than 2

I could, couldn't most of us?

yes ill admit thank you all for re-educating me on social norms even if they are strange

especially if its only once a week

I am Audhd and I can see why you found the response confusing.

I think the issue is that your friend won't have anticipated that you would ever order 2 jacket potatoes with different toppings because that's just not a typical "meal". It doesnt sound like they were being cryptic with their "get what you want, up to x' you just chose something unexpected!

It's weird because if you'd orderd 2 potatoes with the SAME filling, because you could see the potatoes were small/medium and you were hungrier than one, I bet noone would have batted an eyelid.

Or got a jacket potato with a side salad even.

It's "unwritten" rules of both social norms and etiquette at play here, and whilst neither of you are wrong in your interpretation of events, your expectations were clearly different.

For me i try to remember that when I am buying my own things, I can buy whatever random combinations and volumes that I like, but when someone else is paying, ill follow their lead to some extent... e.g. if they're getting a light bite or sandwich etc I wouldn't then order a roast!

As for them always offering to pay, I'd suggest saying ah thanks, but let me get the coffees/drinks or puddings etc

When they said “order what you want” they meant “order what meal you want.” They were happy for you to order whatever meal you wanted, but didn’t expect you to order TWO.

If I was out for coffee with a friend and said I’d buy her a drink, I would mean she can pick any drink off the menu, anything at all. Iced coffee, hot chocolate, pot of tea, matcha…absolutely whatever she wants. But if she ordered TWO I’d be rather put out!

For the love of god OP, take on board what people are saying to you. You’re clearly bad with social cues so listen to what most posters are saying: you’re taking the piss by allowing your friend to always pay, and you’re greedy.

Oh, and CF has always been Cheeky Fucker, but you’ll probably not take that on board either, even though you are one.

So you read between the lines and decided she meant you were greedy

Bugger me backwards is this still going on?

Really? I’ll happily eat a chip shop supper but they’re quite heavy! I can see why OP opted for a JP as a battered sausage once a week seems a bit much

fair points i also seen it used as clusterfuck

its been a good debate, and yes im in the wrong

yep

Says it all really

I could quite easily once a week!