Whats the point of consent and asking permission if you get lied to

[MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe]

Whats the point of consent and permission ? friends meal and they cover the cost, they said here is x amount get what you want, so permission is asked what the limit is eg £20 and i can get whatever food / takeaway with it, the yes permission is given that i can buy what i want within the budget.

turns out a day or two after wards a sarcastic comment was made because i had 2 jacket potatoes with different toppings, so i said why is that an issue and it turns out that they still thought id get one instead of two ,

so i said i asked permission of what the budget was and i did ask what i could get then all i got was oh id still thought you would get 1 so i said why then say i can get x why not just say and be honest.

i guess this is more me moaning but why do people do this, say yes to x then they actually want you do to x instead its like why ?

before anyone asks we usually do a weekly meal out, and no they are fairly wealthy

Of course you can get a diagnosis if it's necessary. But yes be prepared to wait in the line.

That’s a major reach. I started this thread to ask a simple question: why do people say the opposite of what they actually mean? Why play guessing games instead of just speaking clearly, only to complain later when someone takes their words literally?

I would never make a diagnosis based on so little information.

But OP presumably knows herself pretty well. Thinking she's on the spectrum of course does not mean she definitely is.

But she is self-aware enough to realise that her thinking processes are different from other people's, as evidenced by the incident discussed in this post.

If you really do have 5 children you think are on the spectrum then you have my sympathy. It's so hard to get an EHCP for a child these days, because it costs education authorities money to provide the help that is laid out in them.

Yes hasn't meant no, or vice versa.

They didn't moan.

You choose not to educate yourself or know perfectly well but pretend otherwise to keep getting free meals on the most basic social etiquette.

There's no "reach".

You never bothered to try to understand the answers to your questions in the thread, did you?

You keep going for the answer you want in your fictional world of Sheldon - that you are right and your friend is wrong.

Once a person has left school, it's often not deemed "necessary" to have a diagnosis. And it would be a very long wait...

Of course it can be a long wait but it can be done.

what i want to know is why do humans have the social conventions of not saying what they mean ?

Start page 1. Read.

Because a NT adult, like you, is expected to have a grasp of the most basic manners and etiquette.

👌👌😂 touché

nice try

All the explanation about "grabby" and "greedy" doesn't make much sense given the overall price.

The OP created one nice meal from two cheap snack portions.

If your offer of paying doesn't cover a 7£ meal just because it consist of two menu items, don't bother offering.

If you are ND you can pick it up. If you want to of course. It's not rocket sceince.

There's no try. You just don't like that this is the truth.

But you dont want to try and educate yourself, do you? You just want to sound clever?

I haven't labelled her ND, I said she could be. And she thinks she is.

She is still puzzled because to her she has behaved logically and not badly at all, despite what others say. For whatever reason, that's how her brain works.

I'm not excusing her "ill manners" by labelling her ND.
She thinks she is on the spectrum.
The logic she applied is the kind of logic an ND person could apply.

The logic makes sense to me (I am not ND, but I did do a logic course as part of my first degree).

For what it's worth I don't think OP has been grabby or greedy, but that is just my opinion.

Are you sure? Do you appreciate their company? It seems like a strange arrangement to have with an old uni friend if your lives took different directions. Did you ever pay for lunch? Are you on a tight budget?

I didn't say that it couldn't be done...

Ok.

@Woodfiresareamazing2 Thank you, these children aren't mine but are family and it is definitely harder now than even 10 years ago to get anywhere, even if it is still easier here in Scotland than it would be in England. So many of us are diagnosed though, significant number diagnosed as adults (all of the women), that we are collectively managing through experience and luckily (mostly) supportive schools.

If I simplify a bit:
NT people don't use words to convey meaning. They use words as noises to build smoothness and belonging. The meaning is already given from the context of the conversation and "everyone knows it".

The issue is, that the shared expectation isn't really shared. If it was that clear, it could be written to a book. In reality, half the time people don't understand each other properly, but they are too scared to admit it, because being awkward is worse than being completely wrong.

In this context it is interesting that your friend actually commented on the two jacket potatoes. In proper NT conversation they shouln't say anything, because it should feel as embarrssing conversation, and not be worth breaking the smoothness. As a maximum, they should be carefully clearer the next time.

thank you

Or OP should pay more attention to how people interact and don't blame her friend for not being 1000% ridiculous clear.

Assuming friend is NT @FourSevenFive

Multiple ND people on this thread have seen the logic from the friend's side. The friend has commented more than once on what @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe has ordered as it wasn't logical to them to order extra food.

I am actively ignoring that fish does not go with sausage and garlic does not go with beans in my world to apply any logic.