Whats the point of consent and asking permission if you get lied to

[MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe]

Whats the point of consent and permission ? friends meal and they cover the cost, they said here is x amount get what you want, so permission is asked what the limit is eg £20 and i can get whatever food / takeaway with it, the yes permission is given that i can buy what i want within the budget.

turns out a day or two after wards a sarcastic comment was made because i had 2 jacket potatoes with different toppings, so i said why is that an issue and it turns out that they still thought id get one instead of two ,

so i said i asked permission of what the budget was and i did ask what i could get then all i got was oh id still thought you would get 1 so i said why then say i can get x why not just say and be honest.

i guess this is more me moaning but why do people do this, say yes to x then they actually want you do to x instead its like why ?

before anyone asks we usually do a weekly meal out, and no they are fairly wealthy

Well it clearly doesn't make them happy, does it.

indeed, yes is yes afterall, not are you sure for 10 mins etc

Because it's polite and normal to take turns paying. Or pay for yourself.

they are happy to offer then moan when i accept and do as they agree i can do

true

Only if you recently beamed in from some far-off culture, possibly Martian, never having read an English novel or seen any UK telly or films where humans interact with each other.

sheldon cooper, yes means yes

Is this a support worker that will claim the money back from her employer? If so, having 3 meals on the bill will be the issue.

You did order what you wanted though and got it for free. If you want to be able to order two meals in secret then maybe you should be more precise with your answers. Did you say don't tell anyone that I ate two dinners? How are they supposed to know that they aren't allowed to comment on 2 dinners if you don't say? They upheld what they said they would do. They paid for your two meals now you are adding extra rules to what they should do?!

It seems you’re more interested in being right and being able to continue having your weekly free meal(s) to the value of £20 than your friendship with the other person.

if you liked this person and cared about this relationship, wouldn’t you be more interested in her side of things and wouldn’t you be more insistent about paying when you meet up, at least once in a while?

You offer to pay
she says no (maybe because she is aware she earns more than you and wants to be kind)
you say - at least this once id like to pay because i appreciate all the catch ups before where you have paid the whole bill. Let me treat you this time.

This should sort it out. If you do genuinely care about her. It would make it more of a friendship too. Rather than a sort of parent / child dynamic- which it sounds like you are both getting a bit sick of, and could eventually mean the friendship comes to an end.

By the way, if you have a wealthy friend you should not expect that they spend their money on you. She is not accountable to you how she spends her own money. She would likely find it very offensive to know you described her as wealthy but tight, especially as she has generously bought you a hot meal weekly for some time. That is the way to lose a friend.

You keep referring to a fictional character as if he’s some sort of sage. It’s fiction and they tried to make him as annoying as possible!!

Read the thread again and drop all that talk about yes being a yes and visa versa.

OP the lesson I would take from this is to be wary of those who offer you things with unsaid conditions. If only for your own sake I would be declining these free meals and just buying something for yourself with your own money. Not all gifting situations work.

Op. Here it is in simple terms.

Say you are paying and don't take a weak no as an answer.

Take turns

When it is her turn, order one lunch. ONE plate of food.

Say thank you on her turn.

Make sure it is split evenly re turns.

But it isn't, that's the thing. You might prefer it to be (and so would I - see my earlier post from an autistic perspective), but that isn't how things are.

FFS it's fiction.

As is this thread I suspect

true points

nope very real situation

You already took the piss by ordering expensive meals previously and now you are trying to spend as much of someone else's money as possible. Did you spend more than £20 on the meal when they complained about the price?

You are a greedy CF and your friend needs to stop paying for you at all. Spend your own money on expensive meals.

it is frustrating you try to do the right thing cover all bases and still get shafted.

If only the friend could come on Mumsnet and put their side as an AIBU!!

true fair points

Indeed. Surely no one can be this oblivious to social norms, even if they find them hard. Surely a parent or support worker should have assisted with this decades ago.

How were you shafted? You seem extremely rigid in your thinking and over sensitive of slight criticism