Whats the point of consent and asking permission if you get lied to

[MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe]

Whats the point of consent and permission ? friends meal and they cover the cost, they said here is x amount get what you want, so permission is asked what the limit is eg £20 and i can get whatever food / takeaway with it, the yes permission is given that i can buy what i want within the budget.

turns out a day or two after wards a sarcastic comment was made because i had 2 jacket potatoes with different toppings, so i said why is that an issue and it turns out that they still thought id get one instead of two ,

so i said i asked permission of what the budget was and i did ask what i could get then all i got was oh id still thought you would get 1 so i said why then say i can get x why not just say and be honest.

i guess this is more me moaning but why do people do this, say yes to x then they actually want you do to x instead its like why ?

before anyone asks we usually do a weekly meal out, and no they are fairly wealthy

But why did you expect them to be able to read between the lines that what you wanted was two meals!
See how that works?
you were rude to ask the budget and rude to order two meals. You really do need to pay next time.

in the real world yes should mean yes, order what you want should be the same and no should mean no, unless of course im wrong ?

and when order what you want is asked and they say yes then they should be precise with their meanings and answers

Yes absolutely. I also wish people would just say what they mean but often they don't because other people might think that's rude or crude or crass.

yep and no wonder theres misunderstandings etc

@MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe do you always take things literally? So people need to say exactly what they mean for you to understand?

In this instance, your friends inferred they were paying for your meal to the max amount of £20, and yes feel free to choose whatever meal you want.

They were shocked that you took this to mean, buy as much as you like up to the £20 spend limit.

Basically, you took advantage as one potato meal may have cost £10. You should have been happy with this generosity but you then thought, oh actually I can spend the full £20, so I’ll double my order.

If however, you had ordered a steak and chips meal for £19.99 say, they wouldn’t have thought you greedy of their generosity as you bought one meal within their budget.

I know many people who take things literally and I have learned to speak to them how I know they will understand which others may think blunt / cheeky perhaps but the person receiving the information appreciates that I ‘say exactly what I mean’. Maybe ask your friends to do the same as you struggle to read between the lines.

Surely you don't think things work like they do in old sitcoms.

How old are you? Didn't your parents ever socialise with others? Talk to you about manners? This stuff should not be challenging to a functioning adult.

I put a label on the biscuit and treat tins with how much made "a portion" to help my ND children. I discussed what "help yourself" meant in a social situation. We talked about manners, reciprocity, and some of the important things to say and NOT to say. That's part of raising children with additional difficulties so they can move through social spaces with minimal trouble.

If you are seeing someone weekly who pays for your meal this feels like a parent, s.carer or social worker, not an equal friendship between peers.

I actually think that the friend is also acting weird.

If OP offers to pay she shouldnt override that /every time/ and say its her treat. I find that actually patronising or controlling. Also comments about two jacket potatoes for a meal, which more over cost less than her meal and was well under the budget she came up with are weird.

Read the thread.
Right now you are simply behaving unreasonablely.

Really? 🤣 No one "plays host" when eating out.....Pay your own way.

Saying you're like Sheldon Cooper isn't a get out of jail free card. Even he learned to change his interactions with society at lot.

Insist on paying for the next meal.

😱🤭

OP stated that her two potatoes cost 7 pounds and her friend's meal cost 12 pounds.

Oh dear, so this isn't the first time you've upset friend with your food choices? I dread to even ask what you spent of their money before the budget was implemented!

Honestly if this is all too hard for you to understand just pay for your own meal and you'll have none of these issues. Why don't you want to pay?

Do you always go to the same restaurant?

usually yes

Can you afford to cover your own meals?

Being ND is an explanation not an excuse.

People can learn how interacting and expectations work. OP doesn't seem keen to though.

Why are you ignoring the question of why you haven't insisted on paying sometimes?

Don’t you feel a bit embarrassed that this friend is spending hundreds of £££s a year on your lunches? Do you EVER insist on picking up the bill?

when i previously offered they insisted

when i previously offered they insisted so why should i feel bad if they want to and it makes them happy ?

And you didn't...

I think she takes the first 'no it's fine' as a cast iron statement not an opening step in the tango of fairness.

i tried to learn and i expected honest answers eg yes means yes, etc not yes but i have to read between the lines