Whats the point of consent and asking permission if you get lied to

[MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe]

Whats the point of consent and permission ? friends meal and they cover the cost, they said here is x amount get what you want, so permission is asked what the limit is eg £20 and i can get whatever food / takeaway with it, the yes permission is given that i can buy what i want within the budget.

turns out a day or two after wards a sarcastic comment was made because i had 2 jacket potatoes with different toppings, so i said why is that an issue and it turns out that they still thought id get one instead of two ,

so i said i asked permission of what the budget was and i did ask what i could get then all i got was oh id still thought you would get 1 so i said why then say i can get x why not just say and be honest.

i guess this is more me moaning but why do people do this, say yes to x then they actually want you do to x instead its like why ?

before anyone asks we usually do a weekly meal out, and no they are fairly wealthy

Apparently 2 jacket potatoes 😂

I dont think ordering 2 potatoes at £7 is a big deal at all. I think they probably thought you were being greedy though and making a dig about that. Just insist on paying for your own dinner from now on to avoid a situation like this. If your friends already know you think in these black and white terms and dont really understand social nuance then they are being snide.

I think maybe next time just say you will all pay for your own food , then you can order whatever you want and there will be no fall out

yes im ment to read between the lines but why should that be a cop out for being not being correct with their answers ?

For me I'd want a gourmet meal, or maybe 2. I'm really crap at guessing this sort of social interaction though and when a gift has a lot of strings I'm likely to just go fuck it don't bloody bother then.

Why don't you ever insist on paying??

because they were medium and not the size of spud man ones

A few points:

1. They insist on paying every week- how insistently do you try to pay your turn? Can you very directly say, this is making me uncomfortable, let's take it in turns? Is there any age gap/salary gap/any reason why they might feel it a duty to treat you?
2. They complained about price. If you took turns paying they wouldn't.
3. You've decided they should give you a budget. If you're in the UK, this question is really unusual from an etiquette standpoint. I'd personally insist on paying every three meals (are there three of you?) - insisting on taking your turn is far more normal.
4. Two-potato gate. Yeah, I can see how this looked like two meals which is odd.

It seems like they've got stuck in a habit of paying for you and the comments about price and potatoes are a reflection of a bit of resentment creeping in, or some kind of power dynamic.

You clearly don't understand (i don't mean this as an insult at all) typical eating out etiquette around paying etc, and keep mentioning having to guess and things meaning the opposite of what you think. My guess is they are actually saying a lot between the lines/in nuanced social cues that you aren't picking up on. Maybe do lean into the Sheldon approach and come to some kind of formal agreement where you pay once every three times and a rough budget etc.?

Skip that attitude and move on.

fair point

That's the opposite of what social convention means.

Everyone has to read between the lines. It's how society works. Social norms are established in every culture, and we learn these as we grow up.

Outlining every scenario and its exceptions is a not doable. I have ND family members and they all learnt to recognise social conventions because they don't want to get things wrong.

Your friend assumed you understood that she was offering to buy you A Lunch, so to her it felt like you were being greedy by ordering two, even though they were two that came in under her upper limit.

In addition, Sheldon Cooper is not a role model. He's a sitcom character with exaggerated aspects of someone socially clueless. He's rude, arrogant, misogynistic, entitled, disrespectful of others and socially inept. He's every negative stereotype of a nerd. If you think you are "like Sheldon", that's a red flag to look at yourself.

Ah yes, or this. Much simpler!

I don't know, but they were small jacket potatoes, and we're obviously not talking a gourmet restaurant.

You haven't said whether you are autistic, but the lack of directness that is a big part of neurotypical people's communication (+/- differences between individuals and cultures) is something that tends to cause challenges for those of us who are. I don't like it if someone has said one thing but expected me to understand it to actually mean something else, but there's also a point where it has to be accepted that it's how it IS, whether I like it or not.

Something I've learnt through getting it wrong - a lot - is that in most situations, any form of "whatever you like" (examples: "take as many as you want," "come round at any time") does NOT literally mean that! It actually means "whatever you like within parameters that I think are reasonable, and which should be obvious to you, even if I haven't articulated them - and in some cases couldn't, because they depend on lots of things I haven't needed to consciously think about." Even if you ask them to define the parameters, it won't necessarily help (like in your situation with the £20 budget).

It doesn't work every time, but I've found that basically saying what you're planning to do and asking them to confirm it's ok can be a way to deal with these situations. That way they don't have to define a set list of parameters, and you know before you act that you won't be overstepping (or are less likely to be, as of course they might say "oh yes, that's fine" just to be polite, but be seething inside! Argh).

ok im like sheldon in the sense of yes means yes, a poatoe means a poatoe and have what you want means have what you want

Jacket potato with filling for £3.50? I struggle to believe that.

You are rude, tight and greedy.

And it’s THEIR!

The OP seems to be poor at reading the room, reading between the lines (whatever you want to call it) and is nitpicking about the literal meaning of the words expressed by her generous friend. I think most people would insist on taking their turn at paying and personally I don't like feeling obliged to someone in that way, I'd rather things were more even. The exception to this is if you do something for her and she likes to pay you back in this way e.g a lift to work.
As for ordering two spuds (which I take to be £7 x 2 so within the budget at £14 total) it's the optics...yes, you are literally within the parameters but it looks grabby as it amounts to two mains. This about social cues and how fairness is perceived.

But real life doesn't work like that movie star nonsens. Does it?

No op that is not what you should be doing. You should stop accepting their treats. Either take turns paying or pay for yourself every single time or stop going out for meals With them. If they insist on paying just say no. No more treats!!!

Yes that’s a reasonable approach

so in this case OP would have said ‘I’m thinking I might get 2 JP’s ?’ And at that point the friend could have commented or not

no wonder theres misunderstanding etc

You should move to Germany. this reminds me of my BIL!

(there’s the famous story when David Cameron was negotiating the EU deal and they’d spent hours thrashing it out and was given an offer by Merkel to which he said No and went back to the delegation room. They waited and waited and eventually one of his aides went to speak to a German aide and said ‘are you not coming back with another proposal?’ And they were very confused ‘but you said no’) not sure it’s true!

Out of interest did the menu actually say they were medium jacket potatoes?

Either way, you are investing a lot of time into arguing that your objectively generous friend has maligned you by making a “sarcastic comment”. They haven’t even had a go at you by the sounds of it - many people would comment on something they deem to be unreasonable. You may disagree that you are being unreasonable, which is fine (though I’m not sure why you’ve bothered asking AIBU), but you are in a tiny minority reading this post.

This all feels very unfair on them. I assume you are neurodivergent and that you tend to interpret things very literally, so at most it was an unfortunate understanding. However, even neurodivergence does not excuse or explain this deeply ungrateful streak you are revealing here. You need to let it go and appreciate how good these friends are to you.

I think you really add to the misunderstandings as life is not based on identification as random fiction movies persons - get real step up and relate to how the real world works.

Which is what gets the character into social difficulties.

The comedy is in him ending up in awkward situations because of his failure to recognise social cues.

Your two-potato sketch needs work if you want it to be more amusing.