Whats the point of consent and asking permission if you get lied to

[MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe]

Whats the point of consent and permission ? friends meal and they cover the cost, they said here is x amount get what you want, so permission is asked what the limit is eg £20 and i can get whatever food / takeaway with it, the yes permission is given that i can buy what i want within the budget.

turns out a day or two after wards a sarcastic comment was made because i had 2 jacket potatoes with different toppings, so i said why is that an issue and it turns out that they still thought id get one instead of two ,

so i said i asked permission of what the budget was and i did ask what i could get then all i got was oh id still thought you would get 1 so i said why then say i can get x why not just say and be honest.

i guess this is more me moaning but why do people do this, say yes to x then they actually want you do to x instead its like why ?

before anyone asks we usually do a weekly meal out, and no they are fairly wealthy

Or you could pay your own food?

My question really was why are you allowing them to pay every week? It just opens you up to getting stupid comments like that. Preserve your dignity and self respect by not accepting their treats anymore and then you can order what you want without having to second guess what they mean.

I hate other people paying for me for this reason. I want to eat what I want but feel obligated to order something small and cheap ish. I'd rather pay myself and eat what I actually want.

Again why are you letting them pay for you every week?

It doesn’t sound like you like this person very much tbh

are they family rather than a friend?

because they choose and seem to want to

Don't you ever insist? Her stressing over 2 potatoes is weird, but I find it more odd you don't insist on paying some times..

Doesn't mean you can't pay your own food.

OP'S friend had previously moaned about her ordering a meal costing £x (which I think was very rude of the friend).

In that context, it was reasonable, not rude, to ask what the budget was.

OP sought further information, so as not to upset her friend again, ie if she could order whatever she wanted, and was told she could.

I think it's actually rude of the friend to complain when OP had carefully clarified what the friend was offering.

I would not be surprised if both OP and her friend are ND.

If I was OP I would tell my friend that from now on we would each pay for our own food and drinks. Much less hassle.

Oh Octopussy, you’re a bored journo, aren’t you?! 😂😂

And you could step up and choose to pay your food.

thank you,

I don't see the big deal here, if I'm offering to get you something to eat and am happy to spend up to £20 then why should I care what you choose to spend it on.

seriously, why would this even make the daily mail jesus people

stop the press the great potatoes scandal,

that was my thoughts too

Have you no agency?

this is a very odd friendship

to me overriding what they say seems rude

i think if someone offers to buy you dinner, the expectation is you order one meal rather than 2?
TBH You sound a bit rude and entitled.

But why? If you are equals then it seems odd that you are putting yourself in the position of the child

Oh dear… your friend is generous enough to take you out for a meal e dry week and you are on here bitching and moaning and calling her tight!

As for eating 2 x jacket potatoes - the only other person I’ve known do that is Brian Harvey.

yiu are taking advantage of your friend and seem very grabby and disrespectful

OP, if you do not know social etiquette (which are generally speaking well known and therefore do not have to be spoken each and everytime), follow this rule:

If someone offers to treat you, try to pick one thing in the bottom 25% price point of the described treat. Thank them sincerely for their generosity. Ensure you repay the favour shortly thereafter (expressly invite them to the next meal at your expense).

Do not: ask them the express the monetary extent of their generosity, order expensively or expansively, criticise their hospitality or generosity, be greedy, be expectant of other people's money.

Why would you want two jacket potatoes, that seems really greedy?!!

@MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe next week take her some flowers as a thank you for buying lunch if she insists on paying just buy the flowers each time.

What about what you want? It's very simple. If you want to be good mannered you have two choices:

1. Allow them to pay but then order an inexpensive item and just one so it doesn't look like you are trying to exploit them

1. Pay yourself and order whatever you want.

You are putting yourself in their power by allowing them to pay. Rather than trying to guess what is reasonable (and I do think that 2 jacket potatoes eaten at the same meal isn't crazy if you are really hungry), or polite or trying to decipher what they think is ok, just pay yourself and save yourself the drama. It's not just their choice who pays unless you are a child.

I'm trying to work out how much free food would even be worth all that second guessing and working out the rules in another person's head.

Read the thread again. Have you realised what you could do different?