Whats the point of consent and asking permission if you get lied to

[MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe]

Whats the point of consent and permission ? friends meal and they cover the cost, they said here is x amount get what you want, so permission is asked what the limit is eg £20 and i can get whatever food / takeaway with it, the yes permission is given that i can buy what i want within the budget.

turns out a day or two after wards a sarcastic comment was made because i had 2 jacket potatoes with different toppings, so i said why is that an issue and it turns out that they still thought id get one instead of two ,

so i said i asked permission of what the budget was and i did ask what i could get then all i got was oh id still thought you would get 1 so i said why then say i can get x why not just say and be honest.

i guess this is more me moaning but why do people do this, say yes to x then they actually want you do to x instead its like why ?

before anyone asks we usually do a weekly meal out, and no they are fairly wealthy

So you insist. Unbelievable you intend to keep enjoying her generosity while bitching about her!

No. You have to be an adult and pay your own meals.

You'll have to make allowances for these friends of yours. They were probably just repelled and appalled by your clear and calculating greed, and I very much doubt it’s the first time you’ve revealed it with them.
If you want the friendship to continue, insist that the next meal is on you. With drinks and dessert. Do not take no for an answer, no matter how you are tempted when they try to wave away this proposal that you pay, for once.
(You should also apologise for embarrassing them last time. Just briefly, no need for discussion.)
.

I'm probably the only one who gets what you mean OP

You asked how much you had to order with
Friend told you £20
You ordered 2 jacket potatoes & your friend was a bit snarky that you ordered two things rather than just one even though you didn't go over the budget but may have found it uncouth you ordered two dinners rather than just one.

Hope i made sense x

@MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe ,

I am going to take you at you word when you ask ‘why do I have to guess’.

A lot of human interaction is based on trust, and that ends up being called etiquette in this kind of situation.

Most people (other than children or very young adults) wouldn’t ask a budget if someone was treating them to a meal. You would trust them to pay having offered and not pull out last minute, and they would trust you to order sensible things from the menu (or take your cue from them).

Most of that comes from being taught it from parents originally, or other family. And sticking to etiquette reinforces friendship.

It is a part of building trust with someone.

If the above is honestly a shock or seems wrong to you, I think you are neurodivergent. But, if you are, you need to read the majority of the answers (although I do dislike the unfriendly tone) and learn from them.

Very good idea.

yes thanks

I really think it's time you paid.
You will then find you don't have this problem

charming

Is it not just a case of you did something highly unusual and the person you were with noticed and then remarked on it to friends? I dont think that I have ever been in that situation where someone I'm with has ordered 2 mains.

You said that it wasn't the money they commented on, it was the 2 dinners, so maybe the friend was just sharing something strange that happened.

OP has answered these questions- yes she would, and no she wouldn't.

Her two small jacket potatoes were £7. Her friend's fish and chips was £12.

There’s no way a jacket potato with toppings cost £3.50 each, I think the OP means they were £7 each so £14 total.

what aren’t you answering about offering to pay for their meal next time?!

Oh my god op you disgusting greedy pig, I have one small new potato and a teaspoon of beans and I have leftovers for lunch the next day!

You must be the size of a house!

(This is sarcasm)

To actually fill you up?

It seems clear to me that some people are rude, or ignorant, or bloody selfish. Often all three.

I’m not “blaming autism” or suggesting autism equates to being greedy, I’m suggesting one explanation for OPs frustration is because they take things very literally and have completely missed NT social cues and etiquette. There’s a lot of flags going up for me, as someone who knows a lot of autistic people, that perhaps this is a person who is trying to do the right thing and is frustrated they’re not succeeding. Piling on calling OP unkind, greedy, a chancer etc is not helpful in that situation. Honestly I think friend, presumably knowing OP well, ought to have realised OP needs direct, literal instructions (which most NT people would find rude) and should either give those instructions or just tolerate buying two cheap potatoes instead of one more expensive meal. Or ideally suggest they each buy their own.

Whether it’s reasonable or greedy to eat two potatoes is missing the point.

But why is the friend still insistent on paying for lunch for her? Talk about mixed messages.

I agree with you OP, if I say have what you want say within £20 I'm not going to grumble about what you order. I would also let you pay next time, or just say let's pay for our own food, I d think it's odd that your friend keeps insisting on paying. That would make me uncomfortable each week. But I stay out of socialising as much as possible so I don't have to navigate this kind of crap. Works for me!

If you like black and white rules for interacting with people, how about this:

if you're friends with someone, you take turns to pay (even if they say "my treat" when it's not their turn).

Are you describing most of the posters on this thread? 🤔

But then the friend wouldn’t get to crow over the OP and make out that the OP is at fault. The OP has done her best to stick to the bizarre rules that the friend created, but deliberately didn’t bother communicating clearly.

We know this is deliberate on the friend’s part because this isn’t the first time it has happened.

All these childish idiots with their stupid made up rules, clearly wishing to ‘catch you out’, because they think they’re superior when in reality, you’re probably a million times more intelligent than they are. (Sarah X, I’m looking at you!!)

I’m older, autistic and give zero fucks these days.

I’d refuse to let them have their pathetic fun and I’ll willingly take the piss every single time, buying tons of food that comes to £19.99.

Hopefully, the friend will eventually cave and behave like a grown up and stop setting traps for you to fall into. Or just ditch her.

Do you ever pay for them?

So you have a catch-up once a week and expect your friend to pay for the meal? Why don't you take turn about paying?

because they want to play host