AIBU to ask if heartbreak gets easier after five days?

[TheOpalFox]

He left me 5 days ago and it’s the worst
most excruciating pain of my life. Like so severe . I have lost a stone and I can’t eat or sleep of
ficntion
he’s now blocked my son. Someone please tell me this gets easier ? It’s horrendous living like this and the pain? So severe 💔💔💔💔😰😰😰😰

You’ve said he’s blocked your son - you do have family

Thank you for that post.

I went through it many years ago and it took me just over four years to recover. Then it was suddenly gone.

When I look back I don't understand how or why I could have been so devastated - and so ill - over him, but I was. I thought I would never recover. I longed to sleep to blot it out but would go to sleep crying because I knew I had to wake up and it would start all over again.

I did not know how such an experience can affect neurotransmitters in that way causing chemical disruption so thank you again.

OP, listen to me.

I understand that you are feeling terrified and grief stricken. I understand you feel like you're in hell right now.

Your feelings are valid. You're desperate to change them and you can't. I understand. You're trying to be brave and strong but the pain still feels unbearable. That's ok.

Let's look at this from a mental health perspective. Your problem has a situational cause. The circumstances would make anyone feel sad. Yet your difficult childhood probably means you are coping with these circumstances in a different way. Your body might be responding differently.

I think we need to take the man out of it because what you're describing is primarily distress, not grief. It's a mental health crisis insofar as you don't feel you can bear your emotions and are losing weight, not sleeping and extremely anxious.

The best way to address this is:

• Push to see the community mental health team.
• See your GP and be compliant with any medication prescribed.
• If you feel that you're really unable to bear your feelings, tell your GP as an emergency. This is not about a break up any more. It's about your mental health.
• Get yourself into therapy as quickly as possible.
• Try to look on this as the start of something new. If you're well enough, try to do the following: connect with friends, do things you enjoy, be active each day, rest at night, learn a new skill, be open to new friendships,

Thank you

How are you feeling @TheOpalFox ?

How are you today, OpalFox?

We're all rooting for you.

Referred to therapy and I’m on antidepressants

5 days? Probably not. 25 days, 90 days, maybe.

Hopefully in time the medication will help as well as the talking therapy.
It doesn’t heal heartbreak but it does help you understand how you got there.
You have been unhappy/at odds with this guy for some time and it’s no way to live.

I agree
it’s made me really poorly :(

How are you feeling @TheOpalFox ? You have been in my thoughts.
After you posted yesterday I did think back to a time when I was heartbroken and upset and thought it would never end, but it did.
It only got better though when I went non contact, which was hard. But it was the only way.
Never forget your kids love you as well. You are not alone.

I’m struggling but im
ok. It’d the worst pain in the world isn’t it?

Please know that while it feels like that it does pass in time.
I think spending too much time ruminating doesn’t help - it never helped me.
I did decide to stay on my own for a good long time. Got counselling. Eventually met someone volunteering. Still together after 10 years. A lovely lovely man who has never hurt me or made me lose sleep.
And I really was in bad way at the time my friends and family were so worried.
But having no contact, forcing myself not to get in touch, felt awful but it was the only thing that worked in the long term.
Now realise it was more about when I met him. It was just before I was 40, felt it was my last chance.
It is 2 decades ago now and I’m glad it happened. I can’t imagine going back there it would have been a life of chaos.
Six days isn’t long at all. But days pass, go into months, and then it changes. I promise.

It’s been nearly 2 weeks
I have to admit it has made me so poorly :(
why have I let it make me poorly 💔💔💔💔

It’s almost like I’m trauma bonded ? Like addicted to him?

You’re not addicted. He’s conditioned you.
Move away from this. Focus on your son and building your own life. Only then will you start to feel better.

I’m really trying I am.

i have still been my sons mom
stil showed up for him every single day even tho my heart is broken i have still been my sons mom so my son has not been affected one bit

If you live with your son then of course your mood will affect him, just as all the constant arguing and splitting up and getting back together with your ex in the past will have.

Please don't minimise this.

Instead, try to draw strength from the fact you'll get through this and then you'll both have a better life.

I wasn’t accusing you of not being a good mum. Not at all. Just need to direct your attention away from this man and to what you want to have in your life. Find what will eventually give you purpose and even joy.

why does it hurt so much tho? Why do I feel addicted to him? 💔💔💔💔💔

Yes it does. Just a quick story of how dwelling on it fucks up lives - my dearest friend was dumped in the final year of her PhD by her boyfriend. She was so devastated, she could not function physically. As a result, she slacked off, failed her PhD (years and years preparation for that PhD) at Imperial. Beautiful, tall, sporty, mega intelligent girl was pining after a short-arse right wing American wanker. Ruined her potential career, ruined herself - all by herself, because she was moping. Don't be like her - don't let him ruin your life vicariously, because my friend's boyfriend kept ruining her life, even when he was no longer in it.

Trauma bond can feel like an addiction. And the only way to heal from it is to go complete cold turkey.
No addict wants to cold turkey - they just want a quick fix to take the pain away for a bit.
I know you’ve had a lot of criticism on here, but ruminating as to why is not helping.
You have been in a shitty relationship which has brought you nothing but hassle.
Being out of it is what is best for you and your loved ones.
Shifting your focus helps - what am I grateful for? What can I do to make one little change today?
Replacing the ruminating with something else really helps. It doesn’t matter what it is - music, a film, coffee with a friend, putting hair mask on and reading a magazine. All these little steps help.
I found that being around people who really cared about me helped. It makes you remember you are a decent person.
The reality is that the longer you ask why you feel so bad, you are going to feel bad.
When your brain has something else to do/think about it will recognise something new which feels better.
It is really tough but the why doesn’t really matter. The what next does.

I feel addicted to him tho which is insane ???? I love him that much I feel addicted to him

Don’t think I’m helping here at all. Hope you feel better soon.

You are helping me thank you