AIBU to ask if heartbreak gets easier after five days?

[TheOpalFox]

He left me 5 days ago and it’s the worst
most excruciating pain of my life. Like so severe . I have lost a stone and I can’t eat or sleep of
ficntion
he’s now blocked my son. Someone please tell me this gets easier ? It’s horrendous living like this and the pain? So severe 💔💔💔💔😰😰😰😰

So if he blocked your son were you sending messages to him through your son?

You can breathe. You’re breathing right now. Go out with your son. Do something you would normally enjoy.

I would say this is a definite yes.

Or at least dragging him into it.

Every single thread by the OP has made me worry for her son.

Concentrate on your son. The two of you are your family now. Make life good for your son, tell him ye both don’t know what the future holds with your ex but that doesn’t matter and go for a walk, play a board game or watch a comedy. This is like a marathon but it will get to the stage where life is easier without him

You obviously can else you’d be dead. What a ridiculous thing to say.

You need to grow up.

I hope your son isn’t seeing you act like this.

Yes you can you are breathing now.
But you sound as though you are not coping. Phone the Samaritans and talk through how you feel. Posting on here isn't helping you.
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

But also is your son safe ? Are you able to look after him properly? If you are so depressed that you can't you need to contact social services, or the emergency doctors number now as I worry about his welfare as well as yours.

Important point there. OP says he is taking the breakup badly, losing this man’s intermittent presence, so she must exert herself to reassuring him about the future, maybe providing some extra comforts for a few days, and so on.
He needs to be kept busy and engaged, and her working on this for him would surely help her own low mood right now.
He needs to know his mother is still reliable and there for him, even that man never was.

My son is fine? I’m still cooking for him. Cleaning the house. Taking him out. I’m broken and not
coping !!! But im
stull his parent

Still

No offence op but get a grip. You sound like a 13 year old who's been dumped for the first time. Grow up.

You are coping.

you’ve got through yesterday. You’ve got through this morning. You’ll get through the rest of today. And then you’ll get through tomorrow.

one step at a time. Congratulate yourself for each stage you’ve managed. Focus on keeping strong in front of your DS. Focus on not contacting ex.

i know it’s a cliche, but time really is a great healer.

I’m still cooking for my son. Taking him out. Trying to be ok around him :(

What was the situation, OP? Married? Partner? Live in/live out? How long? Infidelity? Abuse?

Living together
4 years
made me feel like I’m crazy and said it made him not love me. ???

Get out and about. See your friends and your family. Distract yourself as much as possible. Invest in some therapy if possible.

His comment was cruel and you are better off without him, so hold onto that thought.

I thought you said he couldn't cope with your anxiety?

Not everyone is good at dealing with other people's mental health issues.

I suspect it's the cause of many break-ups.

Sadly only time helps and it takes a lot of time. I tried councilling and hypnotherapy but in the end I had to sit with it. I began the gym a year in which helped me a lot and seemed to channel the pain. But 12 months was literal hell. He was still contacting me though and because I couldn’t let him go I was allowing it which put back my healing a lot.

Do you have autism or ADHD? There is a thing called rejection sensitive dysphoria which can make break ups even harder than they would be for neurotypical people. There are also things like a history of abuse, love addiction and different mental health conditions which can make a break up really really hard. Seek help from your GP as you may need antidepressants, try and get on a counselling waiting list. There are some great break up books you can buy or ask your library to get in for you. Honestly it does get easier and one day will be completely behind you. You may even see them again years down the line and be horrified you ever wanted to be with them once you have done some work on yourself. You have to take care of yourself for your son. Ruminating on it will make it worse so try putting a hairband on your wrist and whenever your mind heads that way snap it on your wrist and force yourself to think about other things. Then at bedtime put a timer on and allow yourself 30 min to think and journal about it. Writing things down can help you make sense of everything but never send him your thoughts. Zero contact and reminders is essential- block him on everything and do not look. You have to do this so your brain can process and heal. Do not bombard him with contact as this is illegal and could have serious consequences. You can do this and you will be OK.

It can be horrendous. I’ve been through it and I feel some posters are being a bit blasé. Your primitive brain thinks that the sudden loss of a primary connection means danger. I personally experienced panic attacks and vomiting etc. Breath work can really help. There are tutorials to follow on YouTube and Spotify. I found audiobooks helpful for the early morning wake ups and bianaural beats/meditation music helpful for sleep.
You must eat, get washed and go outside every day. Get off your phone and do something that you have to concentrate on physically. It took me six months but I didn’t help myself at all for the first six weeks, I basically just drank wine, isolated myself and obsessed. Don’t do that.

Genuinely get some help OP. You've always said its just your 16 year old son and your Dad living together. Sometimes you also have a 15 year old son and a 13 year old son. And now you're saying you've also been living with this man?

There's clearly something going on with you and you need professional help. Constant posts on MN about the same things isnt going to do your anxiety or MH any good

You are breathing though. It’s time to get angry, lady. Angry that you’ve wasted four years on some bloke who constantly makes you feel like shit about yourself. Where are your friends?

I think a break up when you are at home caring for a parent is very, very hard. If this guy has been in your home, and you have a difficult relationship with your dad, I’m not excusing his behaviour but maybe add in your anxiety and he just can’t cope.
I had my heartbroken when caring for a parent and it hit so hard. But I very much regret how much I let an arsehole upset me as it did take precious time away.
It won’t shift in 5 days. Yours is a more complicated situation - you have also said you need a hysterectomy. I should have had one when I was caring was told by others you can’t do that, what about your parent, you can’t take time off?
Your health and wellbeing matter but right now you are trying to fight too many fires.
Go to see your GP and at least see what support you can help.
You sound very distressed Opal. You may wonder does it pass? Well, it did for me and I was in a right old state.
It is a good long while ago now and I did get over it. My other advice would be stop worrying about meeting someone else.
You will just attract awful men if you are vulnerable. You need a complete break from all that.
I did meet someone else but I took a few years out as well, got some therapy, literally had to change everything. So glad I did and the thought of the arsehole man makes me cringe now. He was so awful I do wonder what I saw in him.
Put you and your son first. The atmosphere in the house must have been awful. It needs to settle now for his sake.

You need to woman up.
You need to keep busy.
You need to see friends.
You need to see family.
You need to make a GP appointment if you think you have depression.

It will take months to get over it. But it is very freeing when you see the ex for what they are, not who you were conned into believing they were.

If he's not your kid's father, block him and change the locks. If he is, then limited contact about your son only. Do not let him see you in this state.

I have experienced something like this and here are my observations from my experience.

Firstly - well done for making it to 5 days. Keep in mind if you can make it to 5 days, you can make it to 10. If you can make it to 10 days, you can make it to a month. If you can make it to a month, you can make it to a year. So to answer your question, yes, it gets easier. But it may not be a linear progression. For me, it came in lumps. Feeling awful for the first week, really couldn’t see how it waa ever going to hurt less. Slightly better after a month. Really big improvement after six months. But ultimately healing was probably 18 months to 2 years all in all. Don’t let that figure discourage you; it certainly wasn’t as raw as the first week for all that time.

Secondly - and this may or may not apply to you, but see how it lands - when I had a very intense reaction like this (also losing a large amount of weight in a short time, terrible insomnia etc) - it was actually because my ex (as I found out later) was a dark triad personality type. Because of the way these people operate, breaking up with them literally activates the same pathway as drug withdrawal, why is why it is so mentally and physically difficult. So be kind to yourself. Sounds mad, but treat yourself like you would a child recovering from a serious illness. Because you may not even be able to feel better until time rebalances your neurotransmitters. Therapy can help here, especially if it has a somatic element.

For me, it was key to remember that I didn’t miss them - I missed who I thought they were. I would highly recommend scrubbing them from your life - delete all reminders, don’t search for them on social media etc. consider the Universe did you a favour removing this person from your life, trust it did so for a good reason, and don’t disrespect the universe by inviting them back in.

Now it is time to let your survival instinct fight back - for you and your child. I am 10 years no contact and I very rarely even think about my ex, except to thank God it didn’t work out. I couldn’t see it at the time, but I was in a dangerous place with him, and I was meant for better and brighter places ❤️ Good luck