AIBU - The Baby Bath Incident

[ExhaustedRaccoon]

SIL and I both have toddlers of a similar age ( only 3 months age difference) and I also have an 8 week old.

When the grandchildren were born, MIL bought lots of lovely baby things for us to share ( MIL lives abroad close to SIL and we are in the UK).

DP and I are currently on holiday and staying with MIL and DC. DS 2 ( the youngest ) has had severe colic and reflux and during the wee small hours of searching the internet, I read a nice warm bath before bed can sometimes relax the baby. At this point, I am willing to try anything. MIL only has a shower and a sit on things for the baby borrowed from SIL.

I remembered about the lovely bath with a pillow MIL purchased and asked where it was. She said SIL had borrowed it. MIL messaged SIL to ask if she could bring it back please. SIL said no, she still uses it. MIL explained our colic situation and how we are all incredibly sleep deprived and also how she is the one who bought the baby bath and she still refused to bring it back ( we are only here for two weeks so she would get it back!) she suggested we buy our own.

SIL has just moved house and has a lovely big bath in her second bathroom she could use for DN.

DP got a bit annoyed and messaged SIL saying he will come to pick it up himself and they ended up having an argument about it.

AIBU to think SIL is being incredibly unreasonable and childish about a bloody baby bath? Children’s things are not cheap here and we will only be using it for two weeks to try an ease a bit of pain for our DS2 which she clearly doesn’t care about!

I can't get past the sharing things when you are in different:countries. How was that ever going to work. In practice what MIL did was but SIL a load of baby stuff you could borrow every now and then when you visited. Anyway turns out SIL not great at sharing. I wouldn't have a huge falling out about it though. After all you have no idea if the bath would even calm the baby at this point. Also use the sink.

I'm with you OP, she is being incredibly selfish. It wasn't her bath to take in the first place and her child is too old for it. It's all very strange from her end.

Assuming you're somewhere it's warm? Inflatable boat swimming thing? Use as a bath? Or an inflatable baby bath?

If she is being that defensive about something she doesn’t use, I wonder if she’s given it away or sold it? Do look into other possible containers though like a new washing up bowl on the floor of the shower, fill with shower water? Might be cheaper than baby equipment. I understand the OCD side though, hopefully your DH isn’t too severe and will understand that a new bowl has had no dishes in (my DD has severe OCD and I can’t even touch a never-used bin in Home Bargains on the shelf as bins are dirty, so maybe this isn’t an option if he doesn’t like washing up bowls used for other things). Good luck

Surely what Mil did was completely reasonable. She bought the equipment to be used when her grandchildren visit her house. They are shared in that both families use the equipment but only when they visit MiL. She isn't going to buy two of everything!
I don't see how OP is being unreasonable asking the SiL to return something she no longer needs as her child is now too big for a baby bath and she shouldn't have removed it from her mother's house in the first place

Cheap washing up bowl. It’s not going to be the magic solution for colic anyway but give it a go

That would be (inanely) childish - life needn't comprise a register of grudges

Actually you are both being ridiculous! Clean the sink and bath the baby in that for goodness sake. Clean it before and clean it after. Simple. Your reasoning is bordering ridiculous considering you think it's going to help so much.

I'd also recommend Google reflexology for colic. That helped lots for my dd2. Lots of trial and error.

I washed my 29 week preemie in the kitchen sink from when she came home from hospital at 36 weeks she came to no harm and now is a happy healthy and very Clive 7 year old 😂

You’re assuming Italy is warm in the summer? Why would they have an inflatable boat?? Most random suggestion yet

🤣

I've read my message back and know that I didn't explain myself well here.

I was meaning a baby inflatable. You can often get them for swimming pools in various different styles. If somewhere warm or touristy then maybe a boat style may work as a temporary bath solution.

Of course , I wouldn't be suggesting a massive boat. That would be pretty silly wouldn't it!

So SIL just snuck it out of the house without MIL being aware of it?

In effect yes as she took it when her mother was away from home

OP says her partner has OCD and believes the sink is dirty. If he has a formal diagnosis of OCD then her reasoning is not ridiculous, it's a serious mental health condition.

My DS has a formal diagnosis of OCD and it doesn't help to feed such illusions. Especially when he's not doing the bathing anyway. Bathing the baby in the sink and nothing bad happening as a result is better than indulging the idea that it's dirty and dangerous and that bad things (whatever his specific take) will happen. The answer isn't for everyone to pretend that the sink is dirty and can't be used.

Then surely he cleans the sink to his satisfaction first? The baby is not plunked into the greasy washing up water with the pots!