AIBU - The Baby Bath Incident

[ExhaustedRaccoon]

SIL and I both have toddlers of a similar age ( only 3 months age difference) and I also have an 8 week old.

When the grandchildren were born, MIL bought lots of lovely baby things for us to share ( MIL lives abroad close to SIL and we are in the UK).

DP and I are currently on holiday and staying with MIL and DC. DS 2 ( the youngest ) has had severe colic and reflux and during the wee small hours of searching the internet, I read a nice warm bath before bed can sometimes relax the baby. At this point, I am willing to try anything. MIL only has a shower and a sit on things for the baby borrowed from SIL.

I remembered about the lovely bath with a pillow MIL purchased and asked where it was. She said SIL had borrowed it. MIL messaged SIL to ask if she could bring it back please. SIL said no, she still uses it. MIL explained our colic situation and how we are all incredibly sleep deprived and also how she is the one who bought the baby bath and she still refused to bring it back ( we are only here for two weeks so she would get it back!) she suggested we buy our own.

SIL has just moved house and has a lovely big bath in her second bathroom she could use for DN.

DP got a bit annoyed and messaged SIL saying he will come to pick it up himself and they ended up having an argument about it.

AIBU to think SIL is being incredibly unreasonable and childish about a bloody baby bath? Children’s things are not cheap here and we will only be using it for two weeks to try an ease a bit of pain for our DS2 which she clearly doesn’t care about!

I never used a ‘baby bath’ for any of mine. Too unwieldy to empty, and awkward height unless on a table. I used the sink while they were tiny, and then laid them down in an ordinary bath until they were able to sit up.

She didn't ask for it. She helped herself to it while MIL was away, because she liked it better than the baby bath that she owns.
It is not her baby bath, and when the rightful owner (MIL) asked for it back, she refused, despite having a baby bath of her own (and previously saying that her child prefers the shower)

for the love of god. who cares. If she could help herself to it while the MILwas away, then obviously she has a key for MIL's house. Often mother's let their daughters borrow stuff.

My mother would let me borrow anything out of her house

Op has not written that she has one at home

She's sold it

It’s obviously a daft idea to buy a baby bath to then fly it home on a plane with her. She can bath the baby in the sink.

Something sounds very amiss here but as most say there's a good chance she no longer has it or she's lent it to someone etc.

Practical things I can suggest having had a reflux baby!
Take baby in the shower with you, keeping them upright. The warmth of both you and the shower will still help
Just keep baby upright as much as you can
When my baby had a screaming fit, I would stand up and lie them across my arm but baby facing towards the floor so tummy was in my hand or across my knees with their tummy facing the floor whilst gently tapping their bum or a slight rock side to side (obviously in a safe hold and supporting head at all times)
Something about the gravity and the position helped the stomach acid and baby was more comfortable

My DC had CMPA so I spent a lot of my time in those two position or completely upright on my shoulder
Burping on the shoulder was more beneficial too

I can't say if any of this would help if it's colic over reflux though

Why exactly? I saw a young mother and baby flying with all manner of stuff on a plane with me recently. Baby bath can easily go in a suitcase.

I can’t imagine someone I know having an 8 week old baby and asking if they can use something to help them for a short period of time and if I had it and didn’t need it daily saying no. Seems like she’s being difficult and not understanding that at 8 weeks old and being away from home could be a challenge for all of you. Why you wouldn’t help someone out with something so simple like a bath I don’t know. I had a friend come here in December with her 6 month old and gave her my 2nd car seat, lots of Xmasy baby clothes I had in that size so she wasn’t buying them for here and be unsuited to when she was home, a spare blanket, anything she needed while at mine. Didn’t think twice about it.

as you'll surely know, not everyone is as nice as you. in fact many people are completely indifferent to other people's children

if your MIL bought the baby bath for communal use when staying with her,i think it should have been your MIL who asked your SIL to return the bath.
I think your SIL seems unreasonable given your circumstances not to return the bath.
On the other hand its probbaly not worth the argument, baby baths can be purchashed for a reasonable price (may not be as flashy as the one in question ) but adequate for the job. I think id do that rather than argue tthe toss with SIL

The item is already in use. It's not available for you to borrow. You're not more important than SIL, and possession is 9/10 of the law. Buy your own.

that's what i wrote. its fucking ridiculous . you can buy a baby bath (basin bowl) anywhere.

OP intended to cause an argument

Baby bath can easily go in a suitcase if you get a collapsible one maybe, which is pretty unlikely given they have limited options in the first place and Op ones one sturdy enough to support the next. There is also absolutely no need

An uncollapsible baby bath can easily fit into a suitcase.

Or she just bares the two weeks without a bath (which she has been doing until now anyway) and just buys a bath when she gets home

Yes but OP also has an 8 week old - that’s who she wants to bathe in the baby bath, not her toddler!

If your mother asked you to bring it back would you?

Totally get it OP. Colic had me trying everything with DD2. Anyone who hasn't dealt with 24/7 crying for weeks on end will not get it.

Hopefully at eight weeks, you'll soon be past the worst of it. Massive handhold for dealing with that away from your own home comforts.

Hi op your sil is being petty her dm should remind her she borrowed it and it’s for use in her house not sil. I would be pretty pissed off tbh and text and say the bath was for both kids and you need it and she doesn’t tell her she’s being really selfish. Your dh should go round and get it back.

Order one from Amazon which will be delivered the following day and not cost a fortune. Even in Portugal (where there is no Amazon - I have to order from Spain)

SIL is definitely in the wrong and being spiteful. Just wondering, because I think you mentioned she was in her 40s, could she be upset that you’ve had a second and she can’t/is unlikely too?

the mother asked her to bring it back after the OP asked for it.

No if my sister asked for something that I was still using, I wouldn't bring it back. I would politely tell my mother that I am still using it.

If it was something that was needed as an absolute emergency, I would bring it.

Something like this, if I was using it, I wouldnt bring it either

This is what I started scanning the thread for, as it seemed the most obvious thing to me for OP, or her partner, to get in the bath with the baby, so thought someone else must have already said it, although it took a while.

I’ve seen some nonsense on MN but this takes the biscuit - falling out over a baby bath! 🤣🤣 no idea why the baby cannot go in the sink, with a large bath towel folded in the bottom and up the side. The mum can use her arm for support. How on earth did our grandparents (I’m late 60’s) manage! DD and I bathed her eldest in the sink using the above method - no bending, clear surface (towelled) to lift baby onto - ideal.

Get a shower with the baby
Bath your baby in sink or a washing up bowl
Go to SIL and use it there
Let’s be honest, this is not the silver bullet you are looking for.