AIBU to feel hurt after being called lazy over housework?

[Lazymummy889]

In an argument tonight dh has called me lazy and its really upset me as I think I am anything but

His reasons being that sometimes I will take the easy way out of things or pick my battles and sometimes give in too easily

He also made a comment that I work too much and ad such the house is a mess (he used stronger language than that) and hes too tired to do anything after getting home from work but the extra 30 minutes or hour that I sometimes log on early in the morning (I wfh 3 - 4 days a week) I should he spending doimg the housework he is too tired to do

He works 7-2, comes home and when the kids are school either has a nap or scrolls for an hour before one of us goes and picks them up

I work 9 - 5. During school time i log on and get set up begore school run, so about 8am, pop out for school run which is about half an hour round trip and am back ready for 9am. What he doesn't see (even tho ibyell him) is that ibstop at points throughout the day to load/unload the washing machine and hang it out etc. I then usually fold it and put it all away after work.

I also load the dishwasher after dinner. And then upload in the morning before work. Make lunches (including his)

During the school holidays most of the childcare is falling to me so while trying to work full time I also have the children here on my wfh days (agreed with work) so the extra 30-60 mins I do I'm the morningbis easily to make up the 50 snack requests and stop for lunches i do throughout the day etc

Just feeling very disappointed that I seem to work my hardestbat everything but apparently do nothing

He sounds like a right arse but every born you’ve said makes it sound like you could do with a cleaner. It’s an impossible task to look after kids, both work and keep the house clean!

He works 7-2, comes home and when the kids are school either has a nap or scrolls for an hour

And has the fucking nerve to call you lazy.

Don’t be hurt. Be angry.

Ah, another awful man who thinks he is too important to tidy up, but still wants a tidy house 🤦‍♀️

Exactly. It’s projection. He’s got some cheek.

So you work more hours and do the morning school run and child supervision in school hols and lots of other jobs round the house - what does he do apart from get up early and shove off to work? I’d stop making his lunch for starters, the cheeky git.

That doesn’t sound very loving from him.

He works 7-2. You are working around hours to get kids to school - guess who has plenty of time for pick up and whatever cleaning or activity is required between then and 5....

What is the point of him?

This OP!

His hours mean he should be doing pick-up as he's finished work and you haven't.

The coursework should be shared.

Stop making his lunch. Don’t do the pick up. Stop being tolerant of a man who thinks he’s special and you’re just convenient and don’t count as a person in your own right. Do get angry.

Was exDP’s favourite criticism of me. It was part of his domestic abuse. It is normal for abusers to accuse you of their own faults.

I'd be disappointed to be with a loser like this too @Lazymummy889

What's his housework like? And you should think about changing your user name - your partner's the lazy one, not you.

As soon as I saw the title I knew I was about to read about some misogynistic twat who doesn't pull his weight.

With those working hours he should be doing all pick ups. Why isn't he?

He's also finished work by mid afternoon so he can bring the washing in, do the dishwasher, start dinner and be the default parent so you can work uninterrupted until 5 pm. Be infuriated, not hurt.

I didn't need to read all your post to think he cant say you work too much and simultaneously call you lazy. I think this has to do with his expectations of a woman/ wife/ partner and how much they should be cleaning! Gross.

He gets home mid afternoon every day and doesn’t think to do some cleaning himself, just has a go at you for not doing more when you finish later than him? What are his good points?

WTF?? I'm angry for you. What does this prince of a man do? Jobs rota now! List all the invisible jobs you already do and then give him his to do. Obviously you shouldn't bloody have to, but needs must. Don't take this crap.

You need a cleaner or/and more childcare, why on earth are you WFH while looking after the kids, sounds a recipe for alot of stress

You should get angry rather than hurt.

He is the lazy, selfish one who expect you to do everything although he comes home from work early. He is not pulling his weight.

Don't allow him to disrespect you like this and ask yourself what he actually contributes to the relationship.

So not only do you work longer paid hours than him you also put in far more unpaid labour? Don’t be hurt - get angry.

What does he do from 3-6? Why can't he do housework in those hours?

Do you split bills 50/50? If so, he's expecting an unfair division of responsibilities. If you pay 50% of all bills he needs to do 50% of all housework. I don't personally understand or like 50/50 relationships but if that's what you choose to have, you need to go 50/50 on everything. Including housework.

You can't work full-time AND be a house maid. He can't do it himself but expects it from you? No chance. I'd tell him if he wants me to take care of the house, he needs to pull his weight paying all of the bills so I can work much less, or not at all. Because I'm not going to contribute financially as well as being a house maid while he only works and pays half of the bills without his time being wasted on doing any housework.

Yes, another prince among men who wants a "traditional" domestic set-up, where the wife is responsible for all of the domestic chores and childcare, but also expects her to work full time and contribute equally financially. Tell the lazy twat he can't have it both ways, and as he only works 'til 2, he can do the tidying up! Get angry!

A man who has his lunch made for him has no business complaining.

I can’t believe a man taking a regular nap is calling you lazy when you’re combining work, house and childcare.

Tell him to make a Time Machine back to the 50s
His wife will do all the house work and he can work down the pits and understand what real hard work is

Tell him!!
yes well I guess if you actually helped, even 20% of the time we’d have a lovely home, instead you treat me like a maid and still expect me to do a full time job, plus sort the kids, the housework and the cooking … what do you do husband!?
also why haven’t you said something either then, or before?! My DH does at least half, probably more now I’m unable to do so much due to health issues