AIBU to feel hurt after being called lazy over housework?

[Lazymummy889]

In an argument tonight dh has called me lazy and its really upset me as I think I am anything but

His reasons being that sometimes I will take the easy way out of things or pick my battles and sometimes give in too easily

He also made a comment that I work too much and ad such the house is a mess (he used stronger language than that) and hes too tired to do anything after getting home from work but the extra 30 minutes or hour that I sometimes log on early in the morning (I wfh 3 - 4 days a week) I should he spending doimg the housework he is too tired to do

He works 7-2, comes home and when the kids are school either has a nap or scrolls for an hour before one of us goes and picks them up

I work 9 - 5. During school time i log on and get set up begore school run, so about 8am, pop out for school run which is about half an hour round trip and am back ready for 9am. What he doesn't see (even tho ibyell him) is that ibstop at points throughout the day to load/unload the washing machine and hang it out etc. I then usually fold it and put it all away after work.

I also load the dishwasher after dinner. And then upload in the morning before work. Make lunches (including his)

During the school holidays most of the childcare is falling to me so while trying to work full time I also have the children here on my wfh days (agreed with work) so the extra 30-60 mins I do I'm the morningbis easily to make up the 50 snack requests and stop for lunches i do throughout the day etc

Just feeling very disappointed that I seem to work my hardestbat everything but apparently do nothing

Yeah I was going to suggest you make a list of all jobs and split them so you get equal free time, but after reading this, you need to split with him. He’s a gaslighting prick. What a vile vile man.

Has he got a golden cock? Even if he had one he would be out the door. What does he do 14.00 to bed time? How many hours is that? The house would be so tidy and sparkling if he pulled his lazy arse off the sofa.

If you want to get a little snigger out of him: Either clean basin in bathroom with his toothbrush or the little bit of sticky on the kitchen floor. You can have a quiet snigger when he cleans his teeth!

He's trying to project his own laziness on to you, why can't he help when he gets in from work, he says he's too tired? well so are you so something has to give, he either helps you or keeps his mouth shut, or alternatively he could go live on his own, where I assume he would still be too tired for housework, see what mess he comes home to then with no one to blame

What's the point of him more like😡there isn't one. If you split up at least you'd get some free time when he had the children

try not to allow him to believe his own narrative. You can offer to make it all fair by writing down all the jobs that need doing on a regular basis and allocate them between you and tick off as you do. Then he may actually “see” what you do.

this is an age old argument

I am lucky I can outsource everything and so do this except cooking. As I have older children they are now tasked with their own laundry

So to clarify

We both work 5 days a week, I am just lucky that I get to work at home 3 - 4 days a week, the rest of the time I go into the office

Usually when he finishes work, he is home by 1430. Sits on his phone/tablet. Will go and pick the kids up if i can't. Then sits on his phone while they play and will do dinner. He will purposefully do dinner for 1715 so there is limited time for me to finish work before being ordered around to help with dinner etc

When I finish work, had dinner I am usually sorting the various loads of washing out that need folding and put away. Spending time with kids then its showers and bed and by the time I sit down usually 2030 - 2100

If i want to exercise i am up and out or on the treadmill for 0600. Shower for around 0700 then have to get the kids uo and ready (although eldest is quite self sufficient and youngest is getting there)

We probably don't manage our time as well as we should but thats on both of us

Personally in your shoes OP I would go on strike for a week then your DH would find out what you really do around the house when nothing gets done, including the packed lunches etc. He won't like that.

is there anything about him that isn't deeply unpleasant?

I wouldn't be hurt, I'd be angry. He is the lazy one. He has a cheek trying to make you think you're the problem.

Unreasonable not to have yet tipped a bowl of dirty washing up water over him, tucked the kids nicely in the car and driven off into the future.

Unreasonable not to have yet tipped a bowl of dirty washing up water over him, tucked the kids nicely in the car and driven off into the future.

Ugh. 2026 and men still expecting their wives to be domestic slaves. I vote YABU though, because you go along with it. You even had multiple kids with this dinosaur. Why do you put up with this shit? Why op?

He sounds toxic.

He’s a grown man, he can make his own lunch and do his own laundry for a start.

Don't know what you do for work OP but I hope is doesn't involve spelling. I gave up half way through as it is illegible.

Show the arrogant twat this thread. As others have said, what is the point of being with him? You sound like you are as busy as most of the rest of the population of working mums. He sounds sexist, as if you working is an affront, or at least less important than his work, but he doesn't earn enough for you to stop, so what's he whining about?

Wow he is a harm causing machine...interfering with your work, taking you to look at housework he could easily attend to. Cherry picking the easier parts of making a meal. Day time napping. Housework free weekends. Ghastly nasty bully ...I agree stop doing things for him. Really think about what your children are seeing and how you want to live your life

Have you quoted the wrong thread? OP is perfectly clear and easily understood...sounds to be a brilliant worker who cares about her job

WFH is not the greatest thing for women, in my experience.

Go back to the office if you can, 5 days a week. Use the commute time to think about divorce.

I had a "D"H like this, the difference is he is now an ex"D"H !!

I see the AIBU twats are around already….

He won't see the things you are doing unless you stop doing them.
I don't blame you for feeling unappreciated. Go on strike.

Contact your local school or library and they'll help you find adult literacy classes because if you can't read the OP you need help.

I had no problem reading it!