Discovered messages between DP and someone else

[Helhel8]

Hiya, I have name changed for this but have been a long time user on here.

My DP is away this weekend, we live together and share a tablet/device usually for watching Netflix in bed, but we sometimes use it for Facebook. So just to be clear I wasn’t ‘snooping’, as I have always had complete trust in DP.

He had kept his account logged in on the messenger app, which I clicked on as it was an open tab. I saw emoji’s next to a woman’s name (I didn’t recognise this or her photo) so it piqued my interest.

There are various exchanges, not regular and most talk about work but more recent ones seem to cross a line.

Can I just ask whether you’d consider this a form of cheating, I am upset and haven’t mentioned to him yet. I literally found them an hour ago.

Conversation about DP’s new car, started off dull about the salary sacrifice scheme he used. It’s a fairly big car.

Woman - plenty of room in the back of that car 👀
DP - oh yeah, what you thinking
Woman - just saying, amazing what people do in cars these days
DP - I think that would be uncomfortable 😅
Woman - don’t knock it till you’ve tried it
DP - I’m a clean freak, couldn’t be dealing with my backseats covered in lady spray 😂
Woman - you have to be skilled to get that from me 😂
DP - I’ve never had any complaints 😛

Thats just one of them, I can post others. I want to confront him but don’t want to be seen as over reacting.

I’ve found her on LinkedIn, she works for the same company. Also on Facebook it’s obvious she has a family too.

I didn’t say he wasn’t.

His and his colleague's messages are so pathetic and compliment-digging - absolutely cringeworthy. I hope he's thoroughly embarrassed when you confront him tomorrow OP. And I hope you get rid. Even if he hasn't physically cheated, he's massively disrespected you.

So we’re in agreement. Whats the ‘And?’ about? Lol

I certainly couldn't have any trust or respect for a man who behaved like that going forward.

He may apologise profusely but the bottom line is, he's grim, a bit of a sleaze, and definitely open to this type of interaction.

I'd be mortified and cringing to be with such a person going forward.

Total ick.

Those messages were a case of it's going to happen not it might or it's just banter. Needs just a push from either person and it's a full on affair.

"DP - I’m a clean freak, couldn’t be dealing with my backseats covered in lady spray 😂
Woman - you have to be skilled to get that from me 😂
DP - I’ve never had any complaints 😛"

No, unfortunately they are talking about squirting. (lady spray😣)

Doesn't take much does it? Bit of sexy talk Oh I bet you are BIG. Suggest back seats and hint at pleasures dreamed of or forbidden and men are hooked. No wonder the chat lines are making money

Ewwww - he’s been a berk and hopefully he will be mortified!
He has crossed many lines but is obviously enjoying these crude exchanges. Totally unacceptable.
Let’s hope she doesn’t have to go to an industrial tribunal at any time in the future - she’d be tempted to use these exchanges in her case.

I also read it as he was talking about no complaints from other women (whether that's squirting or not). Otherwise I'd have expected him to say 'you haven't complained before' or similar.

They are still way over stepping, obviously, but I don't think from what's been shared they've definitely been physical. Yet.

This is nearly identical to another thread some months ago, including the, cracking arse remark. It turned out they'd been shagging at work. He ended up getting investigated for misconduct and was about to lose his job. Betrayal at work jeopardises everything.

I’ve been out most of the day and checked the tablet again earlier, he clearly has no idea it’s logged in as he was messaging her again this morning morning! It’s inappropriate too.

Small talk with her asking about his night and where they went. Then turned ‘dirty’:

Woman - bet you’ve got the hangover horn
DP - maybe a tad 😂
Woman - I could help with that if I was there
DP - you think there’s a cure?
Woman - yeah it’s called my mouth
DP - not sure a doctor would prescribe that 😂
Woman - I’d cure it in 2 minutes
DP - only 2?!

Not sure what the last part means but I find the rest of it disgusting. He’s back tomorrow afternoon and I will confront him,

I'm sorry this tacky man is in your life and I hope that you are taking screenshots of all of this. He will try to talk around it and make it seem like you are overreacting if and when you confront him. It will make him feel very small and silly if you pull out your phone and read them aloud from the screen like a one woman play. If you can manage a derisive laugh every so often, even better.

I think they're shagging OP. He will deny it though and make out it's just banter & you're crazy.
Sorry.

I wouldn’t be able to stop myself sending a message in the chat at this point.

As I said before, I’d reference her husband and ask whether he was aware of the messages so that she shit herself too.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP.

Wasn’t that the one that got taken down for being suspected of being made up?

It means that LadySpray wants to give him oral sex and he’s disappointed that she’s only offering 2 mins.

Yep. Same language used between the DP and OW as in the OP's.

To be fair, sleazy workplace gits are fond of commenting on each other's arses.

I don't recall the other two talking about ladyspray - and I'm sure I would remember that!

I wouldn’t be able to come back from that. He’d be gone. Even if nothing physical has happened, it’s so, so gross. Do you know if she’s beneath him in the work hierarchy? Huge red flags.

I think I would find out who the OW DH is if I could as she’s going to lock down her SM once OP hits her DH with what she’s seen. I would not hesitate to send him (OW DH) the messages, he deserves to know.

It still reads with her pushing it all but he definitely shouldn’t be engaging and clearly is enjoying the attention.
i feel he will try claim it as a bit of banter and that she came onto him. If he didn’t want or like the attention then he would tell her to stop or just not reply.

Ick, ick, ick.

Even though she’s leading the conversation, he’s engaging and encouraging it. I wouldn’t like my dp (or future ex-dp) having that type of sexualised conversation with anyone.

I wonder why OP felt the need to share his latest exchange with the OW in such detail?
The examples she has already given us are enough to convey the level of their exchanges. Very much reminiscent of that other thread.

I thought he was challenging the suggestion that he'd only last 2 minutes

Honestly the "not sure the doctor would prescribe that" where some men would have answered "tell me more..." Seems to suggest he's in 2 minds about engaging with this conversation. Of course, he should be cutting it right off.

I would definitely use his profile to access and record her husband's profile/contact details in case you need to contact him later on in this debacle.