Christmas plans with newborn

[Firstone12]

Know this is entirely the wrong time of year to be thinking about this but am starting to stress.

Me and my partner alternate christmases with our families. This year is his families turn. His family live in another part of the uk that is a short flight away (approx 45 mins).
we are due our first child mid November and have both said we would like a quiet first Christmas. Don’t know how we will be getting on at that point and baby may still be very little.
Problem is his mum is very intense about Christmas and will not be accepting of this. It will likely cause a big family row if we don’t attend. reasons for not wanting to go is I have no idea how I will feel after birth and if I will feel up to it while still trying to get to grips with breastfeeding.
I also dont have the best relationship with in laws (better when fil sober but hasn’t been nice when drunk and rarely doesn’t drink) also big issues with overstepping boundaries.
don’t really want to take a potentially very tiny baby on a flight in winter resp virus season.

am I massively overthinking things or is it reasonable to plan to stay home and do Christmas another time?

"Sorry, but that doesn't work for us."
"That's a shame, but we won't be able to do that."

Repeat this, or a variation of this, every time she pushes back. Don't get drawn into the argument, and don't try to explain yourself. She can't nag you onto a plane with a newborn. Just hold the line, and good luck!

I agree with PPs that you need to do what works for you but just from a different POV we have a very similar set up and when we took our 3month old twins on the flight to in laws for their first Christmas it was about a million times easier that the subsequent toddler Christmasses so it might be easier to do it now than next year or the year after

You need to nip in the bud this alternating now - it’s no way to go on once you have children of your own, and neither set of parents should expect you to keep spending every Christmas away from your own home.

This is ridiculous if true, why can't people stand up to others. Why are they scared of people.
Nobody's going to commit to travel at Xmas, when they've just had a baby.

Christmas is overrated anyway. Make arrangements for another time.

Take a 4-6 week on a germ infested plane…. I don’t think so!

Stress of getting a passport …. I don’t think so

Don’t discuss, just tell them no!

What is happening when the baby is born? All grandparents, aunties and uncle’s are going to want the baby earlier than Christmas anyway. Of course you stay home for this year but I would invite all grandparents too if possible.

Anyone that isnt understanding about you not wanting to travel and just stay at home with your newborn baby for their first Christmas doesnt deserve a visit anyway. Let them kick off, it will make it much easier to say no.

Excellent opportunity to explain that from now on you will be spending Christmas at home.

This first one will be with no visitors for Christmas lunch as you will be recovering from childbirth and adjusting to parenthood.

Start as you mean to go on! Don’t be bullied.

Hear, hear. So what if MIL has strident attitude, insists on this or that etc: let her.

You are not supposed to have a new baby in a car seat for longer than 30 mins anyway, so no, off the table you can’t go.

Now’s the time to break the ‘tradition’ and simply say that moving forward you will be having Christmas at home

simple as that. You let both sets of parents shout and carry on as they wish just ignore them

Put your foot down. From when I was married and had kids we only had Christmas ever year just me DH and kids at home every year. Start as you mean to go on.

Have the row and stay at home. From experience, it’s time to start putting boundaries and stop doing this because that is how that have always been done. Your family is your priority.

I think your DH should write to his parents now and say - We're thinking ahead to baby's arrival and Christmas. We plan on staying home for Christmas as don't want to travel with a newborn. I'm
sure you understand.

And then just tune out if there's any backlash and just don't engage other than to say that you've both made your decision and that is it.

No, you’re not being unreasonable at all! I would do the same in your shoes! I will never understand parents who dictate like this.

Stand firm in your decision, OP, and please don’t stress about it! Best wishes to you for the rest of your pregnancy ❤️

Absolutely agree with the poster who said to match her parenting demands with your new child and family. It’s not a “sorry to upset you we can’t come” but a “I’m putting my family needs first and doing what’s right for us”

you have no idea if baby will be late or if you might need a cesarean, also not a chance I would be taking a baby on a plane in winter without their first immunisation. A friend of mine took her baby abroad at 5 weeks old, baby caught RSV and was incredibly poorly in hospital.

there will be hundreds of other Christmas years, MIL needs to respect your adult parent decision and your husband needs to stand up to her.

Oh I’d forgotten about the horrendous milk pouring! I was expecting leaky boobs but not pouring like that. I remember getting out of the shower with milk pouring everywhere and blood pouring everywhere and thinking ‘well, which do I plug first?’!

And to back up what everyone else has said, no I wouldn’t have travelled with a newborn for Christmas.

You have to stand your ground as a family unit - nip this nonsense in the bud. Give in now and your Christmases will be dictated to you every year. Your MiL had her family Christmases how she wanted them for a long time, now it’s your turn.

I went away last year at Christmas. Just having had a baby. And recovering from a c-section

it was booked before I was even pregnant and the other children were so excited. I didn’t want to let them down.

my recovery was going well. But away with a newborn. The journey was hell. I was so uncomfortable. And even away i really struggled and was counting days till we was going home.

I absolutely would never do it again.

You are entirely reasonable.

When you have a baby is a good time to switch up Christmas expectations anyway. You don't want to be dragging an older child away from their home and gifts every year and having your traditions dictated by others.

This is what I was coming to say

I wouldn’t attempt to travel anywhere far with a newborn. You may be feeling low, in pain or just need space. You’ll be tired and still adjusting.

perfect time to change up how Christmas looks for you.

DO NOT host either and certainly no overnights.

of there’s a falling out then so be it. They would be very selfish to kick off about this. Let them get angry and mute their messages and enjoy your baby

You are silly even to give it another thought! Stay home and have a lovely Christmas with your baby!

I would actually take a baby that little if I was going to a warm welcoming home. Babies often travel well, better than toddlers.
I wouldn't be going somewhere where another adult was drunk and rude whether I had a baby or not.
So stay at home and enjoy your Christmas.