Should I report this mum? Is it even reportable?

[Moonstars1]

I'm seriously concerned about my partner's family member. Well, more so for her kids. She is a young adult. She has a toddler and a baby with different dads. Both toxic and abusive men and she knew about at least one of them when she got with him as he has a criminal record. She is also toxic and my partner believes they were both mutually abusive relationships. She broke up with baby's dad when she was pregnant.

She now has a new boyfriend already. She's posting him on social media and making comments that shows he's staying (living?) round hers with the kids. She keeps basically moving strangers into her home and allowing them to play dad. What if this one, or the next one, is a pedophile or violent to children?

I don't know what I should do. My partner knows it's a mess and he doesn't agree with her desicions at all. He doesn't have much positive to say about her. But he isn't really getting involved and I don't think he's going to do anything. Same with her parents. I get it's difficult. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something happened to one of the little ones.

Do I report somewhere anonymously? Do I stay out of it? That really doesn't seem like the right thing to do. I'd rather not go behind my partner's back and do it, but at the same time I don't know how to have that conversation with him. That's if there's even anything I can report.

Yes, report her. There are police who are paid by the tax payer to sort out unintelligent people with wayward love lives, as it’s such an issue to the safety of society, yet easily solved by authorities.

Report to social services

This is clearly sarcasm but why???

I'm not sure you can report it as nothing has really happened...what would you say? You can't really stop people making bad decisions at that point, unless you've got any kind of proof the new bloke is harming the children.
You could speak to social services but I doubt they'd do anything. She's potentially already known to them though as well.

I don't think moving a new partner in quickly is child abuse although it obviously has potential to be unsettling. If you're referring to violence between her and her previous partner you could report that, or if you have concerns about how any of the adults involved are treating the children.

No proof they are being harmed. It's common sense they will be mentally harmed to some extent. The toddler has barely been alive and already known 3 men living with them. And the chances of them being physically harmed by one of these "dads" is pretty high considering the quality of people they are.

Full disclosure - I'm very sensitive to this for personal reasons. I haven't said or done anything to make sure I'm not overreacting.

You want to report one of your in-laws for having a boyfriend?

Unfortunately unless the men have already done something to someone to end up on the sexual offences register she is entitled as their mother to move anyone she wants into the home. If there is evidence of abuse or addiction that is worth a referral, although addiction isn’t a crime it’s a safeguarding issue.

But if they’re not violent or abusive then the man, so long as his record is clean of offences towards children, is legally allowed to live there.

The OP did ask if it's "even reportable".

I can see why you have concerns about the impact of the mums choices on the kids and I don’t disagree. But unless there is actual evidence of something happening, there really isn’t anything anyone can do. Threshold for safeguarding is very high. This is not likely to trigger any action.

I'd probably report it to social services so they have the information available as part of a larger picture if they have other reasons to get involved with the kids. But in itself, as much as it's really damaging and dangerous for the children, it's not illegal and not a recognised form of abuse.

Report what exactly and to whom? Just because it's someone you wouldn't go out with, it doesn't mean he's done anything wrong.

Based on the facts you have given, it doesn't seem like she keeps moving strangers in, but rather she has had two relationships with a child being born during each and now she has a new boyfriend. Have you even met him?

It sounds like you're concerned that even when this woman knows a man has a criminal record, she still moves him into her home, so maybe this current one could be the same? I'm not sure how it works but maybe social services can check whether he has any relevant restrictions. I can understand your concern, especially with childhood young to advocate for themselves or reliably report anything untoward.

How do you feel about you partner's attitude to all this? He's not coming out of this well either.

For what?

Has anyone got enough detail to do a Sarah's law request? I would consider that if you had specific concerns around the new boyfriend.

It's not an ideal way to live but unless you suspect these men are actually dangerous or harming them, then what are you reporting? Social services and/or the police don't have time to investigate every single parent who is dating.

You sound very judgmental.

She gets pregnant with each boyfriend straight away. And I mean straight away. It's not a relationship gone wrong situation at all. It's having a baby with a practical stranger, ending it and then repeating the cycle.

Alone, it meets no threshold. Nothing would happen. That said - there may be things you don’t know. Things previously reported by neighbours, something the nursery spotted on the toddler, etc.

Safeguarding is about building a picture - this is your jigsaw piece. Report, but don’t expect an outcome as such.

She's concerned for the kids safety. As their shitty mother keeps moving strangers into their home.

I know someone that did this with 6 children, they’re grown up now and wonderful adults that love their Mum, you can’t police someone’s bad choice in men unless they are actually doing harm to the children. I know far more fucked up adults whose parents stayed together unfortunately.

Possibly a side-issue in terms of immediate needs etc, but we all know this is not good for the kids' mental and emotional health in the long run, but there's not much we can do except be bystanders to a slow-motion car crash. Such a pity.

You can’t report someone because you don’t agree with their relationship choices, even if they are seriously questionable . Unless you have some evidence the children are being neglected or harmed what would you say and expect to happen? They won’t accept the argument it’s common sense they’ll get mental harmed, you have no proof of that.

Blimey.. it must be nice that your life worked out so perfectly but that doesn't happen for everyone. As pp said, unless there are concerns the children are being harmed there is nothing to report!